A Son's Sorrow
The Buffalo News, Buffalo, NY - Nov. 21, 2000
Andrew Hammer's mother was killed in a head-on collision in
1996, when he was a freshman at Clarence High School.
Now the powerful
essay he wrote about his experience has been published in "Teen Ink: Our
Voices, Our Visions," a collection of essays, poems and other work by teens
across the country inspired by Teen Ink Magazine. (Published by HCI Teens for
$12.95, the paperback also includes a fictional piece titled "Kayla" by
Buffalo resident Christopher Scinta, a student at the University of
Toronto.)
The piece, titled "Granted" and written two years
after his mother died, opens with Andrew revealing how angry he often felt toward
his mother, then describes the afternoon his family got the news she'd been
killed. "I don't consider myself to be a profound writer, despite the
publicity I've been getting. I had a profound experience."
Currently
a freshman studying mechanical engineering at the University of Buffalo, Andrew
says, "I wrote it basically to... organize all my thoughts and feelings on the
events that happened previous to her death and immediately following so I didn't
lose anything or distort anything in my own head."
Writing the essay
was an emotional release for him. "I kept everything bottled up until I
wrote that," he said.
He sent the essay to Teen Ink because his
English teacher required students to submit work for publication. Last week he
appeared at a book signing at Borders because, "I wanted other kids to learn
from my experience."
Here is an
excerpt:
"I wish she
was dead," I said quietly to my cousin as we stood in his living room
watching our mothers talk one late fall day freshman year... My mother often
embarrassed me, and that day was no exception. I was embarrassed by how she
dressed, with her dorky Christmas socks and shirt tucked in all the time. Then
there was the way she acted: always so joyful, not realizing what it was like
being seen with herŠ
This was not the first time I felt a strong dislike
toward my mother, but it was one of the last. That evening I went home unaware of
how much influence my mother had in my fife. Nearly a week later, I found out. My
parents were disappointed with me and my older brother, Peter. They felt we were
making typical teen mistakes and didn't like our choice of hangouts, our clothing
that didn't fit and, sometimes, our friends...
(Andrew says
"Bye" to his mother as she drops him off at school; that afternoon when
he return from school his brothers tell him his mother and sister have gone
shopping, then a police officer comes to the door.)
"Last name,
Hammer?" his voice softened.
"Yes."
"I'm afraid
I have some bad news for you. Your mother and sister were involved in a serious
car accident. Your sister was taken to Children's Hospital. Your mother didn't
make it. I'm sorry."...
I never did cry that day, although I should
have. As people flocked to the house, I was continuously told that I must not cry. I
needed to be strong...
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