To look at me, you would think I'm confident and have good self-esteem, but really I am the complete opposite. I live in a small town and everyone knows everyone. It never bothered me, but then I began to realize that it is not a good thing to have people know so much about you.

My town used to have a large Jewish community, but it has declined over the years. In seventh grade I found out that people I thought of as friends were calling me names behind my back - names I'd never heard before, names that had to do with me being Jewish. I remember being told what they meant and crying for the first time in front of my classmates. Even though I begged my teacher to let me go to the guidance counselor, he would not. And, no one would believe that the person I knew had started it all had anything to do with the ugliness.

In my middle school, grades meant everything; the higher your grades, the more trustworthy you were. Although I was an honors student, the boy who started this was class president and had even higher grades. I ended up visiting my neighbor, a Board of Education member, who helped me take action. I thought those students would finally get what they deserved, but again I was wrong. My principal let that same boy off with a warning, and forced another girl to write me an apology I knew she didn't mean. I couldn't believe I had suffered so much and this was all that was done. I felt I could trust no one.

In eighth grade I was no longer popular because everyone felt I was making too big a deal of the situation. People went around sneezing "A-Jew" whenever they passed me, shoving me on the stairs, and making fun of how I dressed.

I kept telling myself that they were jealous because I was smarter and

better off and in the long run I would succeed. I decided I would not report the harassment again since this had done nothing the first time. I had lost hope.

One day I was called to the office to discover that my favorite teacher had told the principal about what I was facing. He had heard kids say things and felt it was time to take action. Now the principal had to believe I wasn't making things up. Three girls were expelled, and when I found out, I got back everything I felt I had lost - my confidence, trust and hope.

School did not get better, though. I was blamed for the loss of the girls, but I didn't care. They brought it on themselves.

I started high school thinking this treatment was over, but I still hear racial slurs in the hallway. Racism will never end.

Then something happened. I was studying late one night when the doorbell rang. I heard my grandmother yelling and looked out the window. Someone had put a Christmas tree in our front yard. I didn't know who, although I had ideas. I pretended to laugh it off, not showing anyone that it bothered me. That was a bad decision. To keep such strong emotions inside is unhealthy and stressful.

Two weeks later a boy who used to go to my school told me he wished he could slap some Christian into me and that he and a bunch of boys were responsible for the tree. For the first time in my life, I just didn't care anymore. Apparently those boys have an obsession with trying to make me miserable. Prejudice will always be a part of my life. With experience comes wisdom, and in the three years that this hate has been coming my way, I've learned a lot more than most learn in a lifetime.