[Note: Between every line, the camera cuts to a different person. Two people are not in the same shot at the same time unless otherwise specified. These shots alternate between WS, MS, and MCU, at the director's digression.]



RYAN: (steps up to frame)Ryan here, star of Action-Tastic 3: Revenge of the baby puncher; I'd like to assure you that no babies were harmed in the making of this film.



NATE: (Brandishing a baby doll) See? It's fake.



ELLY: Punching real babies is a crime.



LAURA: So we at Really Cheesy Productions would like to remind you:



ALL IN UNISON: Never ever punch a baby.



RYAN: Not even a gay baby!



LAURA: Especially not a gay baby!



ELLY: Gay babies are our future.



NATE: They have an evil plot to overthrow us all!



LAURA: That's not actually true.



RYAN: When you feel like directing your anger at a baby, take a deep breath and direct it at cute little animals instead.



NATE: Like this cat! (Nate is holding a cat)



[Cat is flung violently over LAURA and ELLY's horrified heads.]



ELLY: Um, no cats were harmed in the making of this feature?



LAURA:...yeah. It's gonna be okay, right?



[Technical Difficulty bars flash onto screen.]