Summer Blues

I

Nobody Came

I went to the backyard tonight. The sun was deep yellow and the air was clear. I could smell summer in the neighborhood.

But when I closed my eyes and tried to feel them there, nobody came. I could sense their flavors, could feel that they should be with me, but the yard was empty.

II

I Think He Was a Rocker

We lay in the hammock tonight, just one of them and me. He said his name was Jasper. He was young, with long dark hair and a beard. I think he was a rocker.

We just swung in the hammock and listened to the birds get ready for bed. I told Jasper how one of them, one of his kind, used to show up in my dreams. I couldn’t remember his name but I described him to Jasper and Jasper said he’d seen him before.

Will I see him in the yard sometime soon? Will he be back in my dreams? I don’t know, but I liked him.

Jasper and I said good-bye after a while. And when I was finally inside and looked out the window, it was a lot darker than I’d realized.

III

They Keep Touching Me

The one from my dreams showed up. He looked different … he looked strange. I can’t decide if I still like him.

When I look at my mother, I think of how she’ll miss me. When I look at my brothers, I think of how they’ll have to grow up without me.

And I just don’t know.

What I do know is that they keep touching me while I sleep. It’s finishing. I’m pretty sure.

IV

Summer is Ending

The crickets are chirping faster. Summer is ending. It’s time to finish the journal. I am going to bring it with me when I go into the yard tonight.

V

One Year Later

These summer nights remind me of her. She used to go into the backyard all by herself. Then we found her in the hammock. Now I close my eyes and see my daughter lying still. Maybe next year will bring a happier kind of summer and I’ll be able to see her for who she was, not the sick child lying dead in the hammock. Sometimes I think I see her swinging out there. And it’s funny but sometimes I think I see her talking to someone.