It’s been 17 years and all I’ve done is wait, wait for you here in the darkness. Do you even remember me? Have you even thought of me since then? When…WHEN…will you come back? I don’t think I can wait any longer. All I want is to lash out, but I can’t, because you have the key, the one key that can unlock me and save me from this endless darkness.
thatbywhchichwecallarose
I like that this is so unconventional. Maybe add a little more interesting words and substance, but I like how you leave things up to intrepration.
Darbs1325
Kiarra_Kally_ReaverThis is very relatable =] it can touch lots of hearts and open lots of eyes
realbeautifulheartVery good piece. In a way, I think I can relate. Your analogy of a lock and key fits the situation perfectly. Keep writing.
whitetiger303I like it i think it shows alot of pain and hurt but its interesting
Dreamer7697It's interesting...its short and I think it needs more descriptive words. Instead of capitalizing the words like you said "WHEN" , use some words that can leave others speechless :) But it is good please keep it up!
PeNfReAk10
maddyhattervery strong dark mood good job captureing that
RelondoNot bad. Not great, really, but only because it's too short. Not a whole lot of substance. Do keep it up, though.
lilith27
LacerIt needs to be longer, have more substance to it. Standing alone, its too cheesy (cheesy is good sometimes, if you give it substance). Add to it, which shouldn't be hard, just add a backstory, and if you can't think of one, revert to the Orson Scott Card brainstorm method
ificandreamI liked it. Is it meant to be fantasy?
Everything is based on your interpretation of the piece. Whether it's fantacy or not, your choice! :D
I liked it! The difference in style made me miss a step a bit, but I really liked it, especially on read #2. I want to see more of this kind of thing.
Beata B. very deep, I really like this piece , there is some feeling in it
CTS207hmm I admire your adjectives, but the association of key and endless darkness is kinda of apart. I think of key as a prision and darkness as abscence of light, the key being the light and darkness being the result of his or her abscence.
Otherwise good work
Otherwise good work
NWphotographyIm not exactly into poetry, but this is interesting:)
S-A-M-14-06-94
laurenmay123This was very interesting. It's definitely abstract, almost like journal entry or something. I'm not sure if it's supposed to be a poem or a short story, but the combination you seem to have made is actually pretty neat. It's like, the structure of a short story but with the message/feel of a poem. Very cool! I would recomend maybe elucidating on it a bit, however. Make it a bit more in depth. Other than that, I like it.
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