Alone, the word unable to escape my mind as I drive along the icy route 17. ALone, January 3rd, 1:42 AM: the world is barren, stripped of life. Alone, my heart freshly broken, pulverized by your arctic words. Alone, driving away from your dead eyes, seeking warmth. My 1994 pick up slips and glides along the frozen ground. Just like my tears. Slipping and gliding along my frozen cheeks. My withered tires struggle to gain traction against the slick pavement. Pressing on my brake, in desperate need of a break. A moment where I don’t have to hear the murmur of your apology as I walk out the door. The confines of my aged truck are suffocating me. Just like you said our relationship was doing to you. The thought of your biting words make the small space seem even smaller. Pushing through the rusted door and your brisk voice, I fall to the cold, cold earth. The white powder burning my skin. I lie there in the middle of the road until my flesh is raw and my fingers are numb.

Alone. Alone. Alone. The adjective haunting my every thought. Consuming my frigid mind. Your beautifully flawed face swims into my vision. Your blue eyes in a perpetual frost. Except when you smiled, smiled at me. The memory of that wondrous grin sends another sharp sting to my already mangled heart. The slowing beat of that vital organ reminds me of the low hum of your voice as you whispered to me, lulling me to sleep. The  whispers I tried to memorize so that when we were apart, I would be able to find you in my dreams. My eyelids are so heavy, I attempt to convince myself that you are here with me. Your strong hands playing with my sleepy hair, your velvet voice promising me forever.

I have lost the fight to keep my fatigued eyes awake. I no longer feel the frosty air nipping against skin. I feel numb. Numb and tired. So tired. Your late night speeches echo in my head. I pray that you would just come lie with me, in the plush snow. Then suddenly you are. Your capable hands tangle in my hair. Your lips brush against my ear as you remind me, that I am yours and you are mine. Your body returning heat back into my numb, cold, tired being.

I turn to admire your frosty gaze.
But their blue radiance blinds me
Searing my face, melting my eyes
Then it’s black
and I am Alone…