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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
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LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants. <br /> <br /> Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: &quot;If you give a man a fire, he&#039;ll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he&#039;ll be warm for the rest of his life.&quot; -Terry Pratchett.

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[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 1986 comments.

TheDoubtMachine BRONZE said...
on May. 17 2012 at 12:36 pm
TheDoubtMachine BRONZE, Mumbai, Other
4 articles 1 photo 10 comments
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Hilarious!! 
MayaBCherry SILVER said...
on May. 17 2012 at 12:21 pm
MayaBCherry SILVER, Cupertino, California
6 articles 5 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;For every minute you are angry, you lose 60 seconds of happiness.&quot;<br /> - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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This was hilarious and a great summary of all four books! Loved it :).
BritishLittleDemon GOLD said...
on May. 17 2012 at 10:01 am
BritishLittleDemon GOLD, Washington Court House, Ohio
11 articles 9 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
You would have to be CR@ZY to think like me ;)

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Lmao xD

this is awsome

I'd like to see this as a video too!! :3

Zeeny PLATINUM said...
on May. 17 2012 at 7:17 am
Zeeny PLATINUM, Staten Island, New York
37 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;When someone truly cares about you, they make an effort not an excuse&quot;

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I love it its amazing 
kimberdawn SILVER said...
on May. 15 2012 at 1:28 pm
kimberdawn SILVER, Sedalia, Missouri
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I agree! The Avengers and the Hunger Games need to have a parody like this
GeeGi BRONZE said...
on May. 13 2012 at 1:58 pm
GeeGi BRONZE, Park City, Utah
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&ldquo;Being crazy isn&#039;t enough.&rdquo;<br /> ― Dr. Seuss<br /> <br /> &ldquo;Why fit in when you were born to stand out?&rdquo;<br /> ― Dr. Seuss

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This is AWESOME. Love it.
Mobius BRONZE said...
on May. 12 2012 at 4:47 pm
Mobius BRONZE, Newark, Delaware
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Lol, this is a good fan fiction and parody. I think you should do this with the Avengers or Hunger Games.
RMoore BRONZE said...
on May. 9 2012 at 3:21 pm
RMoore BRONZE, Springfield, Massachusetts
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Haha, that was fantastic! Made my night! You wanna wright another parody? (Hint hint, wink wink)
Therangergirl BRONZE said...
on May. 7 2012 at 8:38 am
Therangergirl BRONZE, St. Robert, Missouri
2 articles 0 photos 6 comments

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"I think she meant 'bite me'" HAHAHA classic. You made my day XD
xXSpyderGyrlXx GOLD said...
on May. 5 2012 at 10:00 pm
xXSpyderGyrlXx GOLD, N/A, Rhode Island
17 articles 0 photos 12 comments

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&quot;you can lead a horse to water, but you can not make him drink&quot; - anonymous

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i have to say, this is acurate. it ties up the whole Twilight saga into a short story. nice job
thelittleghostgirl BRONZE said...
on May. 2 2012 at 1:18 pm
thelittleghostgirl BRONZE, Flagstaff, Arizona
1 article 1 photo 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Do not pity the dead, Harry, pity the living. And above all pity those who live without love&quot;<br /> ~Albus Dumbledore (J.K. Rowling)

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Yes. *tips virtual hat*
i_am_so_very_large_and_towering SILVER said...
on Apr. 29 2012 at 7:09 pm
i_am_so_very_large_and_towering SILVER, Mililani, Hawaii
5 articles 1 photo 114 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Yet what is any ocean but a multitude of drops?&quot;

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i just love this.
hippiechick99 GOLD said...
on Apr. 28 2012 at 11:50 am
hippiechick99 GOLD, Mesquite, Texas
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I have no words except... THAT WAS TOTALLY AWESOME!!!! I'm going to get my sister to read it :)
Faith Pokora BRONZE said...
on Apr. 27 2012 at 10:41 am
Faith Pokora BRONZE, Grand Rapids, Michigan
1 article 0 photos 1 comment
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Oh my goodness, I can't stop laughing. Good job! :)
StephanieMorrissa SILVER said...
on Apr. 26 2012 at 8:41 am
StephanieMorrissa SILVER, Anderson, South Carolina
9 articles 0 photos 18 comments

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Oh wow! HILARIOUS! Love it! You're really funny! :D
lilyloveswriting BRONZE said...
on Apr. 25 2012 at 8:01 pm
lilyloveswriting BRONZE, Morrisville, Vermont
2 articles 3 photos 23 comments
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i really love this, it's so different and very funny. good job :)
AdrienneMPayne SILVER said...
on Apr. 25 2012 at 7:57 pm
AdrienneMPayne SILVER, Gainesville, Florida
9 articles 0 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
I write because it silences the voices in my head.

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HILARIOUS!!!

What else needs to be said?

BeautifulAngel95 SILVER said...
on Apr. 25 2012 at 8:22 am
BeautifulAngel95 SILVER, Cusseta, Georgia
7 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
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This was so funny. I don't like twilight. But this was too funny. This summed up all four books. write more
Scribbler-of-Dreams PLATINUM said...
on Apr. 24 2012 at 7:19 am
Scribbler-of-Dreams PLATINUM, Brandon, Florida
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Love isn&#039;t everything we want, but it&#039;s everything we need....

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So, FUNNY....I loved it.
_ella_herondale BRONZE said...
on Apr. 23 2012 at 7:30 pm
_ella_herondale BRONZE, San Diego, California
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WOW!! I didn't even read twilight but I totally laughed at this!! Amazing job!!