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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
More by this author
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants. <br /> <br /> Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: &quot;If you give a man a fire, he&#039;ll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he&#039;ll be warm for the rest of his life.&quot; -Terry Pratchett.

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[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.
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This article has 1986 comments.

KourtneyBriann BRONZE said...
on Aug. 23 2010 at 10:17 am
KourtneyBriann BRONZE, Niles, Michigan
1 article 0 photos 90 comments
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If u read this i want to invite u to my forum called "Friends of DeadPplKindaGrl Chat!!! ( Invite or ask to join first plz) Thanx (:" it's just a place for ppl to talk and get to know each other. I've already invited a few other ppl too. Thanx (:
UnwrittenWolf said...
on Aug. 22 2010 at 2:38 pm
UnwrittenWolf, Novi, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Our greatest desires are those that which hurt us in the end.&quot;

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funny! :) 
fallendreams2 said...
on Aug. 22 2010 at 12:45 pm
this is such a great piece ! i've read the whole twilight saga, and now i think it was a waste of time since this is amazing ! love it, and keep writing ! :)
walkingXonXclouds SILVER said...
on Aug. 21 2010 at 2:45 pm
walkingXonXclouds SILVER, Louisville, Kentucky
5 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
It takes two to tango, but no one ever forces you to dance

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That is awesome.
plathfan864 SILVER said...
on Aug. 21 2010 at 1:18 pm
plathfan864 SILVER, Mountain Lakes, New Jersey
9 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
&quot;What I fear most, I think, is the death of imagination... the poverty of life without dreams is too horrible to imagine&quot;<br /> -Sylvia Plath

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I love this!  It really makes me laugh!
_i_like_socks_ SILVER said...
on Aug. 21 2010 at 7:07 am
_i_like_socks_ SILVER, Norton, Other
8 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
If I love you, what business is it of yours?

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Brilliant.
MysteryHeart GOLD said...
on Aug. 20 2010 at 7:06 am
MysteryHeart GOLD, Thorold, Other
14 articles 0 photos 60 comments

Favorite Quote:
Usted es especial! AKWARD!!! (in an opera like voice), ohhh fasha&#039;, what the huh?,who in the name of what?, sanity now!

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That was sooooooo priceless. Truely Origional and  very very very good. That would make a great school comedy play . Icouldn't stop laughing
=)=)=)=) said...
on Aug. 19 2010 at 5:36 pm
this made my day ahaha keep writing screenplays!!! i looooove it =)
liv.laf.love13 SILVER said...
on Aug. 18 2010 at 10:42 pm
liv.laf.love13 SILVER, El Paso, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
MUSIC IS THE CURE!!

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hahahahaha this is sooo true lol u rok!!
HazelKush GOLD said...
on Aug. 18 2010 at 9:49 pm
HazelKush GOLD, Odenton, Maryland
12 articles 10 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter.&quot; - Yoda.

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HAHAHAHAHAH. This made me laugh so hard I swear

What makes it better is that another stupid preview for that movie Vampires Suck (which I saw online, and it was a waste of time) and your script, even though much shorter, is far more entertaining.

JustChristy94 SILVER said...
on Aug. 18 2010 at 9:28 pm
JustChristy94 SILVER, Lewisville, North Carolina
6 articles 6 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Never Regret Anything Because At One Time It Was Exactly What You Wanted.&quot;

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omg rotfl its so funny =)
a_essie BRONZE said...
on Aug. 18 2010 at 4:47 pm
a_essie BRONZE, St. Louis, Missouri
2 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
Fairy Tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten. --G.K. Chesteron

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love it! hilarious :)
stuck_in_the_past GOLD said...
on Aug. 18 2010 at 2:28 pm
stuck_in_the_past GOLD, Lakeside, Oregon
16 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Three may keep a secret if two of them are dead&quot; ~Benjamin Franklin

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Im a twilight fan (the books more than the movie) and I say you captured it perfectly! Lol, you have such a way with screen plays!!
katie123 PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 18 2010 at 12:25 pm
katie123 PLATINUM, Frederick, Maryland
33 articles 22 photos 13 comments
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Love this, hysterical!!!!!!! it is very true that is pretty much all that happens in the story!!!!!
CrazyWriter GOLD said...
on Aug. 18 2010 at 9:12 am
CrazyWriter GOLD, Lorton Station, Virginia
16 articles 2 photos 102 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Once you have given up on the most important thing in your life, you begin to die, because then, you gradually lose your true self&quot;~Hana Kimi<br /> &quot;Someone who can lie to themself. . . is lonely, and in pain&quot;~Hana Kimi

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LOVED it!! Hilarious!!!!! :) :D
Sanguine BRONZE said...
on Aug. 18 2010 at 7:29 am
Sanguine BRONZE, New Delhi, Other
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
&#039;The hunt for love is haughty falconry&#039;

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Now if Stephanie Meyer had taken tips from you before writing Twilight, it would be one of my favourite books!! :)
Wilted_Flower SILVER said...
on Aug. 14 2010 at 4:55 pm
Wilted_Flower SILVER, Pearland, Texas
6 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Everyone is going to hurt you. Just find the one you are willing to be hurt for.&quot;

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That was amazingly hilarious.

I would read that again and again and again, just to laugh. :D

 

eatXsleepXmusic SILVER said...
on Aug. 13 2010 at 11:37 am
eatXsleepXmusic SILVER, Englewood, Colorado
6 articles 5 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;silence is loud, music is there to drown it out&quot;<br /> &quot;monsters are real, ghosts are real too. they live inside us and sometimes they win.&quot;-stephen king

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Hahahaha! that was freaking hilarious and so true, lol!
tianaxbiddy SILVER said...
on Aug. 12 2010 at 7:43 am
tianaxbiddy SILVER, Wareham, Massachusetts
9 articles 0 photos 48 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Plot is character revealed by action.&quot;<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> -Aristotle

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OMG!!!!!!!! i loved it xD
christian.e SILVER said...
on Aug. 12 2010 at 4:27 am
christian.e SILVER, Dutch Harbor, Alaska
9 articles 0 photos 37 comments

Favorite Quote:
The eternal silence of these infinite spaces frightens me --Pascal

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ohmygosh u should! lol this was sooo funny!!! or do starwars