The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes | Teen Ink
  1. Home
  2. Fiction
  3. Fan Fiction
  4. The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
More by this author
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants. <br /> <br /> Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: &quot;If you give a man a fire, he&#039;ll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he&#039;ll be warm for the rest of his life.&quot; -Terry Pratchett.

View profile

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.
Post a comment
Submit your own

Similar Articles

Previous Next
Fiction
Cinderella
By Anonymous
Fiction
Wonderland Junkies
By XTwistedAliceX SILVER
Etobicoke, Other
XTwistedAliceX SILVER, Etobicoke, Other
6 articles 1 photo 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
Live. Love. Laugh.

View profile
Fiction
The Most Dangerous School in the World. (inspired by Gallagher girls books)
By Krissy627 SILVER
Manhasset, New York
Krissy627 SILVER, Manhasset, New York
6 articles 0 photos 4 comments
View profile
Fiction
The Story of the Traveling Od
By Praefiscine SILVER
Snohomish, Washington
Praefiscine SILVER, Snohomish, Washington
6 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;A grownup is a child with layers on.&rdquo;<br /> -Woody Harrelson

View profile
Fiction
Paramore's New Girl
By u4girlz BRONZE
Swanton, Ohio
u4girlz BRONZE, Swanton, Ohio
2 articles 1 photo 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
Too many people too angry at a world that isn&#039;t the least bit angry at them.

View profile
Fiction
The Start of the Friends
By Susu_Uzumaki BRONZE
Borger, Texas
Susu_Uzumaki BRONZE, Borger, Texas
2 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The show ALWAYS goes on!&quot;

View profile

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 1986 comments.

baby_girla SILVER said...
on May. 22 2010 at 2:59 am
baby_girla SILVER, St.Mary&#39s, Alaska
9 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
it is left by the imperfect work that the next one can be born(odelion redon)

View profile
this is funny and cool I really like the way that you put the characters in line.
a7xangel SILVER said...
on May. 21 2010 at 12:24 pm
a7xangel SILVER, East Hampton, New York
5 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
My heart still aches in sadness, and secret tears still flow. What it meant to lose you, no one will ever know.

View profile
ahahha this is so funny
UnwrittenWolf said...
on May. 21 2010 at 12:00 pm
UnwrittenWolf, Novi, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Our greatest desires are those that which hurt us in the end.&quot;

View profile

Yup, better then the real movie

:D I wanna this one on the big screen!

So funny ^^

ThingOne SILVER said...
on May. 21 2010 at 12:16 am
ThingOne SILVER, Maple Valley, Washington
5 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
To do is to be- Aristotle<br /> To be is to do- Socrates<br /> Do be do be do- Sinatra

View profile
Its kinda sad how true this is... :D
WildFlOwEr1221 BRONZE said...
on May. 20 2010 at 9:33 am
WildFlOwEr1221 BRONZE, Walnut Cove, North Carolina
4 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
the reason i punched the review mirror with her fist is cause starting now im never looking back

View profile
that just about sums it up lol but to funny i love the twilight saga
Bella913 SILVER said...
on May. 20 2010 at 8:46 am
Bella913 SILVER, New City, New York
5 articles 0 photos 30 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Death is easy, living is harder.&quot;

View profile
funny, i love twilight so it made me laugh
passionate_heart BRONZE said...
on May. 19 2010 at 6:08 pm
passionate_heart BRONZE, Quincy, Illinois
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
those who hate rain have never danced in it

View profile
LOL AWESOME
Eric14 BRONZE said...
on May. 19 2010 at 3:48 pm
Eric14 BRONZE, Hammett, Idaho
1 article 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Everyone is different&quot;

View profile
I love this I just thought it was so funny!!! 
irrara12 BRONZE said...
on May. 19 2010 at 3:09 pm
irrara12 BRONZE, Columbia, Maryland
3 articles 2 photos 42 comments

Favorite Quote:
not all who wander are lost-jrr tolkien

View profile
haha...random but good and so true
AniJulia said...
on May. 18 2010 at 7:35 pm
AniJulia, Dollard-Des-Ormeaux, Other
0 articles 0 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
You make the bed that you lay on.

View profile

I don't really like Twilight and that was hilarious! Check this youtube account's video for twilight http://www.youtube.com/WeirdIsUs

It's FUUUNNNY!

MechaJesus said...
on May. 17 2010 at 5:51 pm
MechaJesus, Aylmer, Other
0 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I&#039;m not sure about the universe.&quot; - Albert Einstein

View profile
xD I love you. I read the series and found it dull and repetitive--I must say, your version is much more interesting.
EmptyMemories BRONZE said...
on May. 16 2010 at 4:09 pm
EmptyMemories BRONZE, Gardner, Massachusetts
3 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Don&#039;t tell people how to do something. Tell them what to do and they&#039;ll surprise you with their ingenuity.&quot;

View profile
hahahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahaha lol that was hilarious :)
PhotoAsh said...
on May. 15 2010 at 4:55 pm
PhotoAsh, Williamsport, Pennsylvania
0 articles 34 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.&quot; - Eleanor Roosevelt

View profile
i love everything about twilight, & this is just tooooo funny for me. i was laughing for some time before i could even post this comment!
PurpleFeather BRONZE said...
on May. 14 2010 at 4:24 pm
PurpleFeather BRONZE, Canton, Connecticut
1 article 0 photos 124 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The pen is mightier than the sword.&quot; - Edward Bulwer-Lytton

View profile
LOL, this is sooooo funny, especially since I'm anti-Twilight! SOME1 SEND THIS TO STEPHANIE MYER, because its kinda sad that a person under eighteen could summarize her entire saga in a play that takes two minutes to read and probably took less to write. So much for plot depth! XD
Allaboutlyf BRONZE said...
on May. 13 2010 at 5:51 pm
Allaboutlyf BRONZE, Hollis, New York
1 article 0 photos 28 comments
View profile

hahah! This is toooooooo funnnnnnnnnnnnnnyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im fowarding this all my fb friends! you are AWESOME!!!!

BlueInk94 PLATINUM said...
on May. 13 2010 at 5:11 pm
BlueInk94 PLATINUM, Valley Park, Missouri
30 articles 0 photos 75 comments
View profile
I'm a fan of twilight But I LOVE THIS! Its hilarious! ur soo good! WOW!
NonsensicalMuse PLATINUM said...
on May. 13 2010 at 2:18 pm
NonsensicalMuse PLATINUM, San Anotnio, Texas
22 articles 0 photos 87 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;There is nothing wrong with having your head in the clouds as long as you don&#039;t get altitude sickness&quot;<br /> <br /> &quot;Perhaps you are right,perhaps not. I don&#039;t know 110% either way.All I know is that Im in search of truth. If you are too, let us be friends.&quot;

View profile
OMG ROFL-I love the part where Edward shoots Bella-soooooo funny-I'm a Twihater BTW-My friend and i made a couple of mockings and put em on you tube-If ya search twilight mockings you should find them-they're the ones done by two teenage girls-odd but funny-
BloodyMary PLATINUM said...
on May. 13 2010 at 9:27 am
BloodyMary PLATINUM, N/A, Other
22 articles 8 photos 70 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is like a box of chocolates; You never know what you are gonna get.

View profile
lol I laughed. It was good. :)
RavennaVittoria said...
on May. 12 2010 at 10:54 pm
RavennaVittoria, Moose Jaw, Other
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
View profile
loved it loved it! didn't recognize some of the song choices though.... :(
KellyR GOLD said...
on May. 12 2010 at 2:44 pm
KellyR GOLD, Richmond, Virginia
14 articles 0 photos 258 comments

Favorite Quote:
We don&#039;t read and write poetry because it&#039;s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.

View profile
XD brilliant