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One Day

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One day, one ordinary day.
Nothing was good, nothing was bad, nothing was special.
In her eyes, the dull gray-blue sky was a fake, only to cover up the emptiness that was stored in the world. The green grass fed with chemicals was only there to be stepped on. Winds carried no freshness, just the stagnant movement of air. The red sun gobbled up all the coolness that was left in the summer atmosphere. Ponds no longer shone and sparkled with clean, clear water, but were now a bottomless muddy pit of water. Nature had lost its distinctiveness, no longer striking to the eye or soul. All was a prop. Nature had lost its meaning.
Never was she so depressed, for all her life she had depended on the beauty of nature. Like a diamond, every time she looked at nature, it had changed its color. However, peering through the thin layer of the diamond coating, she saw just a rock, a piece of ugly, worthless rock.
Trembling, her hands picked up the pills that lay beside her on the bench. Lifting her hands to her mouth, she felt unbearable sorrow but the agonizing pain of emptiness caused no tears. One last look, and the swift movement of her head saw the blurry scene, but one thing caught her eye.
A child’s delighted scream echoed inside her head. The child’s dog was also barking along, and that scene was a perfect picture. The innocent face of the child’s was full of joy and her giggles were high-pitched and merry. The dog was her protector, and yet, it depended on the child. They were best friends and their wonderful presence blended in perfectly with the beauty of nature.
Green grass softened the child’s fall and the wind gently caressed her cheeks and brushed her beautiful hair. The sun gave light and brightened the child’s brown hair and its rays glistened and danced on the dog’s gleaming fur. The blue skies were smiling down and the color changed into a white sea-blue. The child, dog, and nature were both playmates and partners.
Her hands went limp and she bowed her head. Then, she started to walk away, but suddenly and abruptly, she stopped. Then turning around, she thrust her arm forward.
“Plop!”
The ripples in the pond slowly faded.
She was gone.
The child and dog kept on playing, never knowing that their happy smiles had changed the life of a girl.




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This article has 18 comments. Post your own!

hold.me.still..899This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 10, 2010 at 9:48 am:
ohhh :) (i read the comments below, Now i get the ending) ^^ thats beautiful!!! you have wonderful word choice too, the pretty descriptions brought forth perfect imagery!!
 
Amiee replied...
Oct. 11, 2010 at 2:46 am :

muhahaha

hehe ^^ thank you VERY much~ 

 
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IcePrincess This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 17, 2010 at 7:14 am:
Nice work!  Love the description, however at the end with the arm thrusting I was a bit confused but overall really good!
 
Amiee replied...
Sept. 17, 2010 at 9:09 pm :
haha thanx, that's everything i got so far "nice discription, nice discription" :) but thanx, there's strenght in numbers(?) lol :)
 
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MangoZombie said...
Sept. 11, 2010 at 9:18 am:
Nice Am. :) Mysterious and sorta sad but nice. X] Luv it. :] I like the part where dog and the girl comes instead of a cat. lol. Nicely written~!
 
Amiee replied...
Sept. 11, 2010 at 9:24 am :

haha lol

thanks "Phoebe" kkkk

 
MangoZombie replied...
Sept. 11, 2010 at 9:28 am :
You're welcome Aimes. :)
 
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NicelyWritten said...
Sept. 4, 2010 at 10:25 am:

I think your begging descriptions were good, but I wasn't sure why the main character felt the way she did.  The part about the girl and the dog was very nice.  

The ending did confuse me however.  It seamed very abrupt and I wasn't sure what was going on.  It sounded like the main character fell into the watter and died, but if so how did the scene she witnessed change her life?

 
Amiee replied...
Sept. 5, 2010 at 4:25 am :
uh, the girl was actually thowing away the pills, but sorry if it was kinda confusing~ and thanx for the feedback~
 
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Inherinerd said...
Sept. 4, 2010 at 7:21 am:
Okay, first of all i'd like to say that your description was spot on and beautifully written. But i still feel like the main character is a mystery to me. I would have liked to know a bit more about her, unless you wanted it to be mysterious for a reason. Other than that though i give this story five out of five stars, its amazing!
 
Amiee replied...
Sept. 5, 2010 at 4:29 am :

oh, mabybe i could have said the reasons her life was a mess, but i was thinking too much about describing so i didn't think of that

thanx for the feedback~~~

 
Inherinerd replied...
Sept. 5, 2010 at 7:10 am :
Your welcome!!!
 
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CallMeFelix said...
Aug. 31, 2010 at 11:40 am:

When you were describing the little girl and the dog, you immediately went into "Her hands went limp and she bowed her head...." I, for one, thought you were still talking about the girl with the dog...it took me until the end of the piece to realize that it was the main character again.

I enjoyed the piece overall, though. Good work. Keep writing! =)

 
Amiee replied...
Sept. 1, 2010 at 6:03 am :

ah, thanx

i know it's kinda confusing cuz the both the gals don't have names and i was trying to make it a by child but i couldn't really picture it with a little boy...so i just took the risk with the girl :)

thanx for the feedbakck!!

 
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thepreechyteenagerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 30, 2010 at 3:18 pm:

This was good.

I liked the descriptions of nature, and how it had seemingly lost it lure.  I esspecially liked the nature-diamond comparisn, that was very smart.  And I of coarse loved the part about the little girl and the dog.  The description of the scene and their relationship was beautiful.   Not to mentons, I liked the storyline

The one thing I'd recommend changing is really a private problem I have- I'm a stickler for repetition.

In the sen... (more »)

 
Amiee replied...
Aug. 31, 2010 at 2:52 am :
thanx! i know sometimes it doesn't flow well but thanx for the feedback! i'll post feedback on urs and hope that it's good and useful like ur feedback ;)
 
Healing_Angel This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 2, 2010 at 4:38 am :
I like this!! It's very descriptive!!
 
Amiee replied...
Sept. 2, 2010 at 7:31 am :
thanx, this is one of my works where i just write to describe one thing very detailedly. hehe ^^
 
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