As I lie draped across the couch in an abnormal manor, I can’t help but think about all the misfortunes that have happened the day. About what I would give to be invisible, so not one person could see me, and crush my feelings once more. To slip away from my twisted fate, and harsh reality. The events of the years past were plaguing me—one by one—until I could no longer stand to be thinking.
Sometimes they caught up with me, as they have today. Sometimes, though, I push it all away and continue on with my life. Pretend that I have something worth living for, something good in life that hasn’t slipped right through my very fingers. Because the simple fact is, nothing good can be kept. It is only temporary. You have it for a little while and it eases you into thinking that one thing that is finally going right is permanent. But then one day, when your guard is down, a storm comes and sweeps it away. In a torrent of emotions, you fight to hold on to it, to keep yourself sane. Your grip is tight, but the whirling winds of hatred tug further, until you are left with nothing.
It is a never ending cycle. Gaining, fighting, losing—it’s all the same. So what if we choose not to fight for once? To let it all slip away without desperately trying to hold on. I did it once—have done it ever since. I do not cling to the happy times where something worth living for has entered my life. I wait for it to be taken away from me, for the tornado to sweep off everything I love.
But sometimes, like now, I simply lie on my couch, and let the past catch up with me. Good times and bad. Sometimes I let myself hope that maybe one day, I will have to fight again. And I will win. I will revel in my victory, dance quietly amongst the fall-kissed leaves and smile up at the shining sun. Because I have a reason to smile, a reason to live.
Yet for now, all I can think about is what I would give to be invisible.
Sometimes they caught up with me, as they have today. Sometimes, though, I push it all away and continue on with my life. Pretend that I have something worth living for, something good in life that hasn’t slipped right through my very fingers. Because the simple fact is, nothing good can be kept. It is only temporary. You have it for a little while and it eases you into thinking that one thing that is finally going right is permanent. But then one day, when your guard is down, a storm comes and sweeps it away. In a torrent of emotions, you fight to hold on to it, to keep yourself sane. Your grip is tight, but the whirling winds of hatred tug further, until you are left with nothing.
It is a never ending cycle. Gaining, fighting, losing—it’s all the same. So what if we choose not to fight for once? To let it all slip away without desperately trying to hold on. I did it once—have done it ever since. I do not cling to the happy times where something worth living for has entered my life. I wait for it to be taken away from me, for the tornado to sweep off everything I love.
But sometimes, like now, I simply lie on my couch, and let the past catch up with me. Good times and bad. Sometimes I let myself hope that maybe one day, I will have to fight again. And I will win. I will revel in my victory, dance quietly amongst the fall-kissed leaves and smile up at the shining sun. Because I have a reason to smile, a reason to live.
Yet for now, all I can think about is what I would give to be invisible.
WSwilliams
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