The old tree on Helm Street made a nice throne for when we wanted to be royalty. It had huge dents in its bark that allowed us to climb to the top where the breeze was different. Tessa always said it was because we were a little closer to heaven. We would sit between its huge branches that grew in all directions. Its leaves left a force-field of shade around us, leaving only a few penetrating pockets of sunshine. We would dance with the leaves on the trees and chase the ones that were falling, never once looking down at the ground beneath our feet. Sometimes we played house. Peter was always the husband, I was always the wife, and Tessa was always the daughter because she was the youngest. We would sit around the sister stump of our old tree and exchange stories in a timeless manner as if we were sitting around a camp fire. We pretended the acorns were pieces of steak, the grass was pasta, and the dried up leaves were gravy bowls. We would dream of forgotten dreams and the beating of our hearts would slowly still as the hour to return home drew near. We would feast on each other’s company like that for a while longer until the cord that held the sun in its place grew weak and outstretched.
We would leave for our homes which were only three blocks away. Where we lived, there were few trees, only stumps which were useful for when I wanted to tie my shoes. Our neighborhood was the kind of place that got few visitors and where big houses were sold for cheap. Tessa’s house was the smallest and most in need of repair, but almost all the homes were broken in some way.
Peter and I would usually walk Tessa home. Tessa would ask if she could sleep over as she usually did. When I asked her how her dad was doing, she would halt her swinging ponytail and gently tug on the end of it, pulling out some of her hair. She would then take the hair between her fingers, rip them up into smaller pieces and sprinkle them all around her nervously as if someone else was watching. When she finally responded it was with a faint smile, eyelids hung over her eyes like early morning blinds.

“He’s fine. Good. Alright I guess.”

The last time I saw him, whiskey and cocaine along with the other poisonous drugs of life devoured his soul and hung off his pit stained shirts like cheap cologne. Tessa’s mom and mine used to be best friends, but Tessa’s mom died 3 years ago on her dad’s birthday. She was hit by a car on her way back from picking up birthday decorations for the house. Ever since then I think Tessa’s dad has feared anything that encouraged happiness.

“Are you sure I can’t sleepover. We can play house some more. You like house right? I love that game. Please Emma?”

“Nah. Sorry Tess. I have to get ready for school tomorrow. Junior High is about to take me by the shoulders and give me a good shake. It’s a big day.”

“It’s gonna be weird not seeing you in school, Tess.” Peter said.

“Yeah. Weird.” She said with her eyes looking like the residual glow in the filament of a recently turned out light bulb.

With those parting words, Peter and I stopped in front of Tessa’s gate and waved her goodbye, watching her climb the steps of her house with her back hunched over in defeat. She looked back suddenly to confirm we were still behind her. I could see her expression lift and her back straighten up a bit when she saw us there.

Peter, then walked me home and made a joke about a fat squirrel, which I thought I would never stop laughing about. I gave him a hug that night which I never did, and the jitters I felt in my stomach made me wish Tessa was there.
***
I was knee deep in homework. Peter and I hardly saw each other in the halls and Tessa was still in Helm Street Elementary. We promised each other we would meet up by the tree every Saturday, but I was too consumed by my books and Peter discovered girls who didn’t wear didn’t wear saggy washed-out denim jeans like I did, and didn’t have weird habits like Tessa. These involved pulling on her hair, staring starry-eyed at cracks in the sidewalk pavements, and biting her nails until they were reduced to small moon-like crescents on her nail beds. These girls owned Peter’s adolescent life without even knowing it. They took him away from me before he was mine to keep.

What started as once every week became twice a month and then hardly at all for visits by our tree. In class, I daydreamed of Tessa sitting in her throne with a smile that went from ear to ear showing the big gap between her front teeth. I remembered the day she got a huge kernel of corn stuck in it and we laughed for hours. This made me happy and I didn’t worry about her, and eventually I stopped thinking about her all together.

After midterms, I joined my school’s cross country team. I beat the mile times of half the boys, including Jeremy Scott, who had two first names, and who I thought was God’s gift to the Earth. I never forgave myself for doing that, because I don’t think he ever forgave me. I started taking running seriously after I realized I could never have him, and I even ran around my neighborhood in my spare time. Eventually I went as far as Helm Street. It was the time of year when the wind courted the leaves in a playful dance. The leaves would giggle and shy away but the wind persisted in its pursuit. I knew Tessa would love this, because she loved all playful things.

One day after school I decided to run by Tessa’s house to check up on her. When I went to ring the door bell it was dangling from its place in the wall with its wires naked. I knocked for a few minutes before giving up. I went to the side of the house to see if I could look through the windows and find someone inside, but I was momentarily distracted by a spider in its web by the basement window, capturing its prey, completely undisturbed by my presence. I peered in the window but the dirt caked on its surface only permitted me to see the cracked tiles on the floor that looked like the aftermath of an earthquake.

I left and decided to come back some other time. Besides I had a lot of homework and a test the next day. When I got home, I got a call from Peter.

“Have you heard from Tess? I haven’t seen her since the day before school and her dad didn’t pay the house phone bill again, so it’s like she vanished into thin air or something.” No hello.

“I went over there today. There wasn’t anyone there. We should both go over there sometime, together,” I said.

“Yea, sure. Sounds great.”

After that came a long pause that made me nervous. There was so much that could have been said but I was muted by the silence. I wanted to ask him about his new girl friends but I didn’t really want to know. I wanted to tell him I missed him but I’m pretty sure he forgot we were even friends. I wanted him to tell me something funny and I wanted to laugh with him until my stomach hurt. But there was nothing but silence.

“These teachers are crazy with the homework? Huh? Well, I gotta go get back to it, but I’ll see you in school.”

We both knew he wouldn’t, but formalities like these laid the bed for lies of this sort.

Weeks passed before I spoke to Peter again. I thought of Tessa almost every day after that and had daydreams of her standing miserably beside her throne, alone, as the winter chill made her bones ache, so that eventually even climbing up the tree was a hassle. I never liked climbing up that tree but each time she convinced me it was the only way I could truly be royalty, and I believed her.

One day after school, Peter was waiting for me outside. He looked up and noticed I was a couple of feet away and then immediately looked down to avoid eye contact. He looked at what seemed to be his blank phone screen, until I was directly in front of him.

“You wanna stop by Tessa’s?” he asked.

I took the lead in walking. The silence reverberated through the space between us, making my head throb. There were conversations hovering above our heads but never once making a sound. The silence was palpable and it stung around the edges. It embraced us like a tree’s branches would during a storm.

When we finally got to Tessa’s house, I knocked like I did the last time. I heard a cough on the couch nearby and some sharp whispers. The TV. was on, and I could hear the characters from Family Guy in the background. I knocked again a little harder this time.
“Tessa. Go get the goddamn door. Do I have to do everything myself?”
Slowly, a figure emerged from the shadow.
“Get the f*** up and get the door and stop acting like some wounded dog.”
When the light from outside finally hit her body, it revealed a torn wife beater that looked like it was being pulled on from all directions. She had bruises on her knees and her cuticles were bloodstained. She tried putting her bangs behind her ear so she could see us clearly but most of them didn’t reach. She swiped them back and the grease from her scalp made them stay in place, revealing a constellation of ripe pimples.
She took a while to adjust her eyes to the light outside. “Peter? Emma?”
She looked behind her into the darkness of the room. “What are you guys doing here?”
Peter let out a deep breath as if he had been holding it since we got to her house.
“What the f***? Tessa? Tess what happened to you?”
That’s the first time I heard Peter curse and it didn’t sound right coming from him. When I looked up at him, he seemed shocked by it too.
Tessa looked down at her nails and started biting away at the loose skin.
“Tessa….Tessa are you okay? Why don’t you come outside?”
“I missed you guys so much.” She said in a weak, trembling voice.
There was a rustle from the couch that sprung alertness up Tessa’s spine. Tessa’s eyes were made wide, her pupils bouncing around the whites of her eyes like fresh jello. She mouthed the words I love you with loose lips. Suddenly a shadow started to emerge that engulfed her body with darkness.
“Who the hell is at the door?”
Suddenly Tessa’s father appeared and dragged Tessa by the neck of her wife beater, pulling her out of our vision.
“Is there something I can help you with?” he said in a dismissive tone. He gained a lot of weight since the last time I saw him and his lips were so chapped that I grimaced at the thought of having him speak. We said nothing for a while. Just staring at him stare at us as if we were ants he had the urge to crush.

“Can Tessa come outside Mr. Richards?”

“No. She has chores. She has to clean her room and the kitchen…I can’t do it all by myself while she goes outside to play stupid games.”

“But sir it would only take 5 minutes,” said Peter.

“I said no. That’s the problem with you kids, you never listen. Go home.”

“But, please… just…”

He slammed the door in our faces and Peter and I both stood there. Peter put his arm around my shoulder. I turned towards him and buried my head in his chest. He moved his arms around my waist and held me tight. I felt a jitter that started from my toes and Peter pulled away before it could get any farther.

“We can stop by again some other time, together,” he said.

When I went to sleep that night, I dreamt of running into Tessa by our old tree on Helm Street. Her back was turned to me and no matter how many times I called to her she would not turn around. She had no shirt on and the closer I got to her, the better I saw what I think she wanted me to see. The scars on her back looked like the roots of a tree, with welts raised up so high I could trace my fingers around them, the pain within them burning bright like lava. I ran towards her but she winced before I even got close. I stood directly behind her, running my eyes over the marks on her back like it was a map leading to the answer which I desperately needed to find.

After a day’s worth of uneasy thoughts, I ran by the old tree on Helm Street and found it reduced to a stump, with the splinters from its wound speckled around it like stardust.