All Alone | Teen Ink

All Alone

November 17, 2014
By phils.world GOLD, Staten Island, New York
phils.world GOLD, Staten Island, New York
15 articles 0 photos 3 comments

The sound of a car driving over the loose gravel was the last thing I heard. He was just gone. No hug. No kiss. Nothing. He was just gone, gone with the wind. He took the car and drove somewhere. I knew he wouldn't come back. There was no way he would return back for me. All I was left with was the sound of stones being kicked up by the warm, rubber tires.
    I ran out of the house, shutting the door. Tears overwhelmed me, but there was no point of holding them back. No one was there to see me bail like a baby. I was sixteen, but right now I was six. I was alone. This time, I was really alone and had no one to go to. Up ahead, the forest towered over everything else. It was dark in there, for the canopy of trees blocked out the light from the moon and stars.
    People always told me to look up and wish upon the stars. But I knew that it was always fake. It was just some lie told to make kids with crappy lives to feel better. My mom always told me to wish upon the stars. But when she said it, for some reason, it felt like the truth. Her soothing voice went through me and cleansed me. I remember how tightly she held me. We both looked out the window together. We dreamed of going into space, just me and her. Just me and her alone, floating and touching the stars.
    But she is dead now. Her funeral was a year ago. She died in her sleep. I wish I would die too. There was nowhere to be. No one to be with. Now my stupid Dad drove away, one of my last memories was smelling his horrible breath. I picked up the scent of alcohol, cigarettes and hatred. Ever since Mom died, he started drinking and smoking. The house was foggy all the time. I spent most of my time outside to avoid inhaling the strong smoke. He also cried at night. In the morning, his eyes were swollen and red.
    I was angry at him. I wasn't angry. It's his job to protect me. But now he's gone. He was unreliable. He was stupid. He's such a bad person. But guilt coils me. I knew he loved Mom. More than anyone else. The way he squeezed her hand, warmed it up and finished it off with a kiss. The way he smiled at her, showing all his perfect teeth. He pushed back her silky light brown hair, and stroked her rosy cheeks ever so lightly. But I was still furious. He had to suck it in. People die. He will die. I will die. We will all die. It's no big deal. 
    I hope he drives off a bridge now.
    I hope he will be safe.
    I stood in front of the entrance to the forest. I'm scared to death of the dark. I'm not going to lie and say that my Mom stroked my hair until I fell asleep. At night I was all alone. I had to check my closet and look under the bed,all by myself. I put myself to bed. My parents went out most of the time. Or they locked themselves in their room. I had to fight the dark by myself. I didn't realize that I looked ludicrous, standing at the entrance, all frozen. But I didn't care. Who saw me. Who was watching me. Who would tell me to come home. I had no home. I had a house to myself, but I did not have a home.
    The moon was full, like a glass orb. I imagined a fortune teller smiling at me with all the golden fake teeth. I can imagine her wrapping her pale, bony fingers around the milky orb. She tells me that there is a lot in store for me in the future. I smile and laugh, knowing that she wants to make a few extra dollars, and that is all. I looked at the moon again. The clouds were know wrapping their bony fingers around the moon. The was soon engulfed and lost its color.
    I finally nudged forward, entering the darkness. My eyes adjusted, and I faintly saw my surroundings. It was darker than I expected. I picked up a stick and used it to guide my way around. I hit a tree a few times. It was silent. Dead silent. I could hear my breath, my rigid  raspy breath. I continued walking forward. The leaves crunched under my feet. Crunch, crunch,crunch. My heart crunched as well. I threw myself to the ground and lay there. I looked at the sky and all of the bright stars. I mumbled a wish and closed my eyes. I was alone. All alone.
    But not for long.



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