I can hear Michael before I see him. He's standing by the tall oak in the center of the park, leaning up against the red park bench we've stood next to so many times together. It's dark enough so that I can't see his face, just a little bit of pale skin illuminated by the moonlight. I walk up towards him, not boldly, like I'd imagine Mila would, but slowly, unsure of myself, shivering. Knowing what he's going to say. Just like a typical Kathi. Unsure, hesitant.
He starts talking before I've even halfway crossed over the park, with his back turned, like he knows I don't want to hear what he has to say.
“Kathi,” he says, his voice echoing all across the deserted park. In some ways I wish he would whisper, keeping it private, but I guess it doesn't really matter. Everyone will know eventually that Katherine Lee, the biggest nerd in school, was fooling around with Michael Droin, the most popular guy in school, behind his girlfriend's back. So then nothing will matter at all. Nothing. “This isn't working out, Kathi. It's never worked. You know it.”
I turn my head away and try to hide my tears, even though he's facing away from me anyway.
“Michael...”
“No.” His voice is clear and sharp, still ringing in my ears as my heart breaks slowly, but surely.
“Really, Kathi?” Now Michael's voice has turned sarcastic and cruel. “You think I'd want you, Katherine Lee, over Mila Kaar?”
My body goes hot, then cold all over, and I begin to shake.
“You know I never really cared about you, Kathi,” he says, and suddenly whirls around, so I can see his face, and by his expression I can tell he's completely sober. Which means he's serious. Totally serious. But his next words pinch me like no one's ever hurt me before. “You're nothing but a slut, Katherine Lee... your good-girl act might fool everyone else, but it as sure as hell doesn't fool me.”
I want to shout in his face, spit at him, kick him, swear until he yells right back. Make him hurt like I'm hurting. But I don't, because I'm not like that. I'm just Katherine Lee, pushover, victim, easy target. Slut.
I say the only thing that comes to mind. “But you said you loved me.”
Michael laughs without humor, which too echoes all around the park. “Really. You fall for that. What a bitch.”
If only I were Mila Kaar. If I were Mila, I'd be able to say anything I wanted back to Michael. But as it is, all I do is turn around and walk slowly back towards my house.
And walk. And walk.
He starts talking before I've even halfway crossed over the park, with his back turned, like he knows I don't want to hear what he has to say.
“Kathi,” he says, his voice echoing all across the deserted park. In some ways I wish he would whisper, keeping it private, but I guess it doesn't really matter. Everyone will know eventually that Katherine Lee, the biggest nerd in school, was fooling around with Michael Droin, the most popular guy in school, behind his girlfriend's back. So then nothing will matter at all. Nothing. “This isn't working out, Kathi. It's never worked. You know it.”
I turn my head away and try to hide my tears, even though he's facing away from me anyway.
“Michael...”
“No.” His voice is clear and sharp, still ringing in my ears as my heart breaks slowly, but surely.
“Really, Kathi?” Now Michael's voice has turned sarcastic and cruel. “You think I'd want you, Katherine Lee, over Mila Kaar?”
My body goes hot, then cold all over, and I begin to shake.
“You know I never really cared about you, Kathi,” he says, and suddenly whirls around, so I can see his face, and by his expression I can tell he's completely sober. Which means he's serious. Totally serious. But his next words pinch me like no one's ever hurt me before. “You're nothing but a slut, Katherine Lee... your good-girl act might fool everyone else, but it as sure as hell doesn't fool me.”
I want to shout in his face, spit at him, kick him, swear until he yells right back. Make him hurt like I'm hurting. But I don't, because I'm not like that. I'm just Katherine Lee, pushover, victim, easy target. Slut.
I say the only thing that comes to mind. “But you said you loved me.”
Michael laughs without humor, which too echoes all around the park. “Really. You fall for that. What a bitch.”
If only I were Mila Kaar. If I were Mila, I'd be able to say anything I wanted back to Michael. But as it is, all I do is turn around and walk slowly back towards my house.
And walk. And walk.
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