I sit on the floor of my room and I wonder. I wonder about the people whose eyes peer through their pictures on my walls. I wonder what their stories are. How did they find that perfect pose, how did they get there? And then I wonder about him. Him who came and left so fast. The Him who never knew.

“I love you” he said out loud for the world around us to hear. “You don’t have to say it back. I just wanted you to know” he stated then jumped off the swing into our secret play house. I kept swinging though, my hair moving with the wind with each pump of my leg and creak of old swing set. We were so young, but he was so confident. How did he know at that age?

“I hope you know when I tell you this” he whispered into my ear, the heavy blast of the horrid music in the background “that I love you so” he paused “But don’t worry, you don’t have to say it back” then he danced off towards another girl with braces and I watched as they flung their bodies side to side, and he watched me.

“I have to tell you something” he yelled over the crowd of people screaming for a touch down, the cheer leaders chanting go-fight-win, “I love you.” He said. “Go!!!!” said the crowd. It was as if they were talking to me. I opened my mouth but nothing came out. “Don’t worry, you don’t have to say it back. I just want to make sure you know.”

“I love you“, he said as the principal called out names, handing out the papers that freed them all. I hear my name, but I waited for him to say it was okay. But he didn’t. And I knew then, that I was out of time.

So here I am wondering. What if I said it back? What if he hadn’t left yet? What if I ran to his house right now and said it back, because I know now that I need to say it back. Not because he is leaving, but because I realize I really do love him too. If he doesn’t know, then what? I live my life in wonder. I cannot let that happen. So I run. I run out of my room. I run out of my house. I run the single block down the street to his house. And his car is there. And I know I am not too late. I run to his door. I pound, and I wait. Just like he had for so many years.


He opened the door, his blue eyes open wide in surprise and I open my mouth to speak when he says “Don’t worry, you don’t have to say anything.”
But I do. I do need to say it. I need to say it so he knows with all his hear that “I love you.” He opens his mouth to say something but I don’t let him. I gently kiss his lips and say “shh, you don’t have to say anything, I just want to make sure that you know.”