This is my story.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Will she live?” the question echoed in my consciousness, never-ending as people traveled through my room, as if their presence would cure me. I never heard the answer – it was always muted, blurred out like a curse word if I tried to listen. I floated in darkness, in a silence only broken by that one question. I barely heard anything else – everything was muted and muffled by the darkness, save for those three words.
It was a long time before I opened my eyes. Everything was quiet and dark…I was alone. I could still feel the fever burning inside of me. Perhaps that is why I didn’t find it strange when the shadows in the corner came alive and moved towards me. Just before my eyes fluttered closed once more, I caught a glimpse of crystal-blue eyes.
The eyes followed me back into the darkness. They didn’t unnerve me; they comforted me in a way words can’t describe. “Will you live?” the words startled me – the voice spoke with clarity, the words were directed to me, not above me or to people in charge of me. “Will you live?” I had to answer. “I don’t know. They say – “ “Do not listen to what they say. What do you say?” I couldn’t speak. Moments passed. I faced the eyes and spoke directly to them. “Yes. I will live.” As soon as the words left my mouth, I was plunged into a deeper darkness, one of utter silence and despair. I fought against the unseen hands pulling me down. “No!” I screamed, trying to free myself. “No! I will live!” the words brought me new strength – I tore away from the darkness and forced myself upwards, where I knew I would find the light.
I awoke slowly, gently…the opposite of how I left the darkness. As my eyes flickered open, I once again saw the ceiling, the warm darkness of my room. I thought I was still alone. “You are alive.” I jerked upright and glanced around for the source of the voice. My head spun and I sank back to the damp pillows. “But still not well…” a cool hand covered my eyes, growing warmer the longer it touched my face. Soon it was burning – I cringed and the hand left. My eyes opened on their own accord – I saw the same blue eyes that had followed me into the darkness; now I could see the rest of his face. “Who are you?” my throat was scratchy. He shushed me. “No, no, don’t talk.” Once again, he placed his hand over my eyes. “Rest, my dear,” he whispered. “I’ll wake you when it’s time.” “Time for what?” I didn’t hear his answer as I drifted off.
I slept without dreams until the morning. Once the first rays of the sun peeked into my window, I felt him pulling me out of the warm darkness. “Wake up,” he whispered. “Wake to a new day.” He lifted me out of the bed and set me on shaky legs, leading me to the window. I didn’t look at the sunrise – I gazed up into his face. “Who are you?” I asked for the second time. He smiled down at me and pulled me close. “Just think of me as your protector,” he said softly. I rolled my eyes. “I don’t need a protector.” “Then what do you need?” his gaze was steady. I looked away, silent as I thought. /Someone who’ll hold me tight when I have nightmares. Someone who’ll dance with me in the rain…who’ll laugh with me and teach me how to love. I didn’t say any of my heart-needs out loud. “I…don’t know,” I said finally. He looked at me with knowing eyes. “I know what you need.” His voice sent shivers down my spine. “And I am here to give it to you.” My head lifted on its own and I stared at him, half afraid, half hoping…
Wordlessly, he picked me up and stepped through the window. I held tight as we sailed over the trees. “Who are you?” I shrieked, burying my head in his shoulder. He laughed and held me tighter. “Don’t worry, my dear. I’ll never let you fall.” I wasn’t sure where we were going or how long it took – I refused to lift my head from its hiding place in his chest. The wind whipped past us, lulling me into some sort of trance. His laugh roused me. “Where are we?” I asked, and, sensing solid ground beneath us, lifted my head and looked around. It was unlike any place I had seen before, even in my wildest dreams. He set me down and twirled me around. “Close your eyes!” he commanded. I obeyed and at once felt something soft on my skin. When I opened my eyes, I was no longer the girl I had been when I first woke. He had turned me into who I had always wanted to be – a graceful, beautiful woman with a long, silvery green dress and flowers in her hair. Shyly, I met his gaze. “Will you come with me?” he asked, offering me his arm. Smiling, I accepted it and he whisked me away, off into his own country.
Hours passed like days. I grew to know this strange, wonderful, amazing wizard of a man; grew to know him and slowly fall in love with him. It wasn’t the way I had expected to feel love – I had always thought it would be slow, that I wouldn’t realize I was 'falling' in love until I was already ‘in’ love. Perhaps that was the way with wizards. I loved everything about him – his crystal blue eyes, his thick dark hair, his broad shoulders, his laugh, his way of always making me laugh about everything…I loved every bit. He taught me how to dance, created music more beautiful, more tangible than anything I had ever heard before. He was amazing, wonderful…words couldn’t describe my love for him.
We were lying in the grass, watching the stars dance when I first spoke about love. He turned and looked at me with those crystal eyes, touched a finger to my lips and smiled. “Not now, darling,” he whispered. “Not now.” He pulled me closer to him and pointed out the patterns the stars were dancing.
I should have realized. I should have known. I was blinded by my own love; unable to see anything except my own feelings for him…and the emotion I was sure I saw in his eyes. Maybe it was love. Perhaps it really was the love I had heard in all those stories. It doesn’t matter what I thought I saw in his eyes. What matters is what he said to me…what he did to me that makes me question everything I had felt or seen.
He had insisted on feeding me the best foods he had. We were seated at opposite ends of the table – a small, simple piece of furniture, contradicting the elegant dishes placed on it. After he seated himself and offered me his wine, the words slipped out. “I…I love you.”
At first fear flashed across his face. “No! Don’t say – “ but he had changed before he could finish his sentence. His beautiful face transformed into something horrible – something evil. He shoved the wine at me. “Now you’re cursed,” he snarled, towering over me. “Cursed to live alone, drinking these ashes all your life.” Before I could say a word, he vanished. I clutched the bottle to me, glanced down at the contents and gasped. The wine had become dust…and I was alone.
I couldn’t believe it. Wouldn’t believe it. How could my wizard leave me? After everything we had talked about, after all the dances, the music, the laughter…how could he leave me? I spun around, slowly gazing at the fading room. My feet grew heavy – the dress slipped from my body. My eyes closed on their own; I felt myself pulled back to a place I had never wanted to see again.
Once again, there was darkness. A heavy, pressing darkness; one that seeped through my mouth, settling in my lungs, making it hard to breathe. I wrapped my arms around the bottle, holding it close. A muffled voice called to me – trying to drag me out of the black. The darkness wrapped around me tighter, unwilling to let me go. I opened my mouth, trying to cry out, to beg him to help me…until I remembered what had happened. I closed my eyes, feeling my heart slowly shatter into tiny pieces.
A hand on my shoulder, shaking me. “Wake up!” no. Don’t wake me. Let me die. He was gone…I had nothing to live for now. My body fought gravity, begging to rise and fly as I did with him. “Open your eyes. Now.” I couldn’t resist. Once my eyes opened, I couldn’t close them.
My life continued in agony. The bottle of ashes was never far from me – I constantly searched the shadows, watched the sky, held my breath at every corner. The feeling he would somehow appear never left me; stupidly, I had mentioned him, asked if they had seen him. “Does he have blue eyes?” my heart leapt. “Crystal blue.” /Beautiful blue. “Dark hair?” “Darker than night. Slight curls…” /perfect size for my fingers… “There he is!” I had turned, ready to throw myself into his arms. A boy half my height and age doubled over laughing. She had laughed as well…and I had excused myself, tears blurring my eyes as I retreated to my room to release all the pain and longing that had built up in my heart. As I wept into my pillow, my heart broke all over again. I screamed his name over and over, buried my face in the fabric as I remembered resting my head on his shoulder.
Eventually I drifted into a restless sleep. But even there, I couldn’t escape him. His eyes filled my vision, piercing my heart with their accusations, their sadness. “Why did you do this?” he asked me, mournfully. “Where did you go? Come back to me,” I begged. He shook my head. “You don’t know what you did when you said those words. I can never come back. Not in your lifetime.” My heart thudded, threatening to shatter into even more jagged pieces. “Why?” I reached my hands out to him, aching to feel him hold me, just for a moment. He turned his head away, agony in his face. “If I stayed, you would be bound to me forever. You don’t want that.” “Yes, I do!” I cried. “I do! there is nothing for me here!” he shook his head. “You cannot see the future as I can. You have a life to live in your world, my dear. You have people to meet, lives to change. You cannot do that with me. You must let me go.” He reached out his hand. “Give me the bottle.” I hadn’t realized I had brought the bottle into my dreams until I clutched it against my chest. “No. I can’t. Let me have this of you, at least.” He shook his head. “You cannot. You must let me go. Completely.” In three quick strides, he was holding me, pressing my head against his chest. “You must let me go,” he whispered urgently. “Quickly, before it’s too late.”
The bottle was crushed between us – I felt the glass give and the dust float to the ground at our feet. “Please set me free,” he whispered, stepping back to hold my face between his hands. “You must let me go.” I held onto him, unwilling to let go once I had him again. “No.” Gently, he pulled me away. “Listen to me. You have a life ahead of you – a good, long life full of love and laughter and friendship. You don’t need me.” “Yes, I do!” I wept, unable to look into his perfect face. “No, you don’t. you have your own wizard of a man waiting for you – more amazing than I am. He can stay with you until your death. He will love you in a way I never could.” Slowly, I looked up at him. He smiled, brushing away my tears. “Trust me,” he whispered, leaning down and brushing my forehead with his lips. I closed my eyes as warmth swept through me. “I do love you,” I whispered, even as my memory of him grew less real and more as a dream. “And I love you, my darling,” he whispered back, feeling my grip on him grow weaker. Soon I fell back into the warm darkness and he soared away into the starry sky. I watched him leave with half-closed eyes. “Don’t forget me,” I murmured as I let my eyes close completely and relaxed.
“Wake up,” a voice begged. “For heaven’s sake, please wake up!” a hand gripped mine, urgent and scared. My eyes fluttered open slowly to find a face looking down at me – a face with piercing blue eyes and curly black hair. A smile spread across his face as he saw my eyes open. “There we go,” he whispered, cradling my hand between his. “Don’t ever scare me like that again.” Love poured through his grip on my hand into me. I blinked, trying to wipe away the cobwebs of the strange dream I had woken from. No…it wasn’t a dream. I remembered him, his electric touch…and completely forgot about him when this new stranger bent over me. This was no stranger. I knew him…had known him all my life. The only thing strange about him was the deep love in his eyes.
~~~~~
I am not sure what happened to my wizard. He is not my wizard any longer. I have moved on in my life, just like he said I would. I have found love, and laughter, and friendship. I never knew how much I was needed until I had met that wizard and wanted to leave.
People need me here. He needs me. I had found my prince – like my wizard had promised.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Will she live?” the question echoed in my consciousness, never-ending as people traveled through my room, as if their presence would cure me. I never heard the answer – it was always muted, blurred out like a curse word if I tried to listen. I floated in darkness, in a silence only broken by that one question. I barely heard anything else – everything was muted and muffled by the darkness, save for those three words.
It was a long time before I opened my eyes. Everything was quiet and dark…I was alone. I could still feel the fever burning inside of me. Perhaps that is why I didn’t find it strange when the shadows in the corner came alive and moved towards me. Just before my eyes fluttered closed once more, I caught a glimpse of crystal-blue eyes.
The eyes followed me back into the darkness. They didn’t unnerve me; they comforted me in a way words can’t describe. “Will you live?” the words startled me – the voice spoke with clarity, the words were directed to me, not above me or to people in charge of me. “Will you live?” I had to answer. “I don’t know. They say – “ “Do not listen to what they say. What do you say?” I couldn’t speak. Moments passed. I faced the eyes and spoke directly to them. “Yes. I will live.” As soon as the words left my mouth, I was plunged into a deeper darkness, one of utter silence and despair. I fought against the unseen hands pulling me down. “No!” I screamed, trying to free myself. “No! I will live!” the words brought me new strength – I tore away from the darkness and forced myself upwards, where I knew I would find the light.
I awoke slowly, gently…the opposite of how I left the darkness. As my eyes flickered open, I once again saw the ceiling, the warm darkness of my room. I thought I was still alone. “You are alive.” I jerked upright and glanced around for the source of the voice. My head spun and I sank back to the damp pillows. “But still not well…” a cool hand covered my eyes, growing warmer the longer it touched my face. Soon it was burning – I cringed and the hand left. My eyes opened on their own accord – I saw the same blue eyes that had followed me into the darkness; now I could see the rest of his face. “Who are you?” my throat was scratchy. He shushed me. “No, no, don’t talk.” Once again, he placed his hand over my eyes. “Rest, my dear,” he whispered. “I’ll wake you when it’s time.” “Time for what?” I didn’t hear his answer as I drifted off.
I slept without dreams until the morning. Once the first rays of the sun peeked into my window, I felt him pulling me out of the warm darkness. “Wake up,” he whispered. “Wake to a new day.” He lifted me out of the bed and set me on shaky legs, leading me to the window. I didn’t look at the sunrise – I gazed up into his face. “Who are you?” I asked for the second time. He smiled down at me and pulled me close. “Just think of me as your protector,” he said softly. I rolled my eyes. “I don’t need a protector.” “Then what do you need?” his gaze was steady. I looked away, silent as I thought. /Someone who’ll hold me tight when I have nightmares. Someone who’ll dance with me in the rain…who’ll laugh with me and teach me how to love. I didn’t say any of my heart-needs out loud. “I…don’t know,” I said finally. He looked at me with knowing eyes. “I know what you need.” His voice sent shivers down my spine. “And I am here to give it to you.” My head lifted on its own and I stared at him, half afraid, half hoping…
Wordlessly, he picked me up and stepped through the window. I held tight as we sailed over the trees. “Who are you?” I shrieked, burying my head in his shoulder. He laughed and held me tighter. “Don’t worry, my dear. I’ll never let you fall.” I wasn’t sure where we were going or how long it took – I refused to lift my head from its hiding place in his chest. The wind whipped past us, lulling me into some sort of trance. His laugh roused me. “Where are we?” I asked, and, sensing solid ground beneath us, lifted my head and looked around. It was unlike any place I had seen before, even in my wildest dreams. He set me down and twirled me around. “Close your eyes!” he commanded. I obeyed and at once felt something soft on my skin. When I opened my eyes, I was no longer the girl I had been when I first woke. He had turned me into who I had always wanted to be – a graceful, beautiful woman with a long, silvery green dress and flowers in her hair. Shyly, I met his gaze. “Will you come with me?” he asked, offering me his arm. Smiling, I accepted it and he whisked me away, off into his own country.
Hours passed like days. I grew to know this strange, wonderful, amazing wizard of a man; grew to know him and slowly fall in love with him. It wasn’t the way I had expected to feel love – I had always thought it would be slow, that I wouldn’t realize I was 'falling' in love until I was already ‘in’ love. Perhaps that was the way with wizards. I loved everything about him – his crystal blue eyes, his thick dark hair, his broad shoulders, his laugh, his way of always making me laugh about everything…I loved every bit. He taught me how to dance, created music more beautiful, more tangible than anything I had ever heard before. He was amazing, wonderful…words couldn’t describe my love for him.
We were lying in the grass, watching the stars dance when I first spoke about love. He turned and looked at me with those crystal eyes, touched a finger to my lips and smiled. “Not now, darling,” he whispered. “Not now.” He pulled me closer to him and pointed out the patterns the stars were dancing.
I should have realized. I should have known. I was blinded by my own love; unable to see anything except my own feelings for him…and the emotion I was sure I saw in his eyes. Maybe it was love. Perhaps it really was the love I had heard in all those stories. It doesn’t matter what I thought I saw in his eyes. What matters is what he said to me…what he did to me that makes me question everything I had felt or seen.
He had insisted on feeding me the best foods he had. We were seated at opposite ends of the table – a small, simple piece of furniture, contradicting the elegant dishes placed on it. After he seated himself and offered me his wine, the words slipped out. “I…I love you.”
At first fear flashed across his face. “No! Don’t say – “ but he had changed before he could finish his sentence. His beautiful face transformed into something horrible – something evil. He shoved the wine at me. “Now you’re cursed,” he snarled, towering over me. “Cursed to live alone, drinking these ashes all your life.” Before I could say a word, he vanished. I clutched the bottle to me, glanced down at the contents and gasped. The wine had become dust…and I was alone.
I couldn’t believe it. Wouldn’t believe it. How could my wizard leave me? After everything we had talked about, after all the dances, the music, the laughter…how could he leave me? I spun around, slowly gazing at the fading room. My feet grew heavy – the dress slipped from my body. My eyes closed on their own; I felt myself pulled back to a place I had never wanted to see again.
Once again, there was darkness. A heavy, pressing darkness; one that seeped through my mouth, settling in my lungs, making it hard to breathe. I wrapped my arms around the bottle, holding it close. A muffled voice called to me – trying to drag me out of the black. The darkness wrapped around me tighter, unwilling to let me go. I opened my mouth, trying to cry out, to beg him to help me…until I remembered what had happened. I closed my eyes, feeling my heart slowly shatter into tiny pieces.
A hand on my shoulder, shaking me. “Wake up!” no. Don’t wake me. Let me die. He was gone…I had nothing to live for now. My body fought gravity, begging to rise and fly as I did with him. “Open your eyes. Now.” I couldn’t resist. Once my eyes opened, I couldn’t close them.
My life continued in agony. The bottle of ashes was never far from me – I constantly searched the shadows, watched the sky, held my breath at every corner. The feeling he would somehow appear never left me; stupidly, I had mentioned him, asked if they had seen him. “Does he have blue eyes?” my heart leapt. “Crystal blue.” /Beautiful blue. “Dark hair?” “Darker than night. Slight curls…” /perfect size for my fingers… “There he is!” I had turned, ready to throw myself into his arms. A boy half my height and age doubled over laughing. She had laughed as well…and I had excused myself, tears blurring my eyes as I retreated to my room to release all the pain and longing that had built up in my heart. As I wept into my pillow, my heart broke all over again. I screamed his name over and over, buried my face in the fabric as I remembered resting my head on his shoulder.
Eventually I drifted into a restless sleep. But even there, I couldn’t escape him. His eyes filled my vision, piercing my heart with their accusations, their sadness. “Why did you do this?” he asked me, mournfully. “Where did you go? Come back to me,” I begged. He shook my head. “You don’t know what you did when you said those words. I can never come back. Not in your lifetime.” My heart thudded, threatening to shatter into even more jagged pieces. “Why?” I reached my hands out to him, aching to feel him hold me, just for a moment. He turned his head away, agony in his face. “If I stayed, you would be bound to me forever. You don’t want that.” “Yes, I do!” I cried. “I do! there is nothing for me here!” he shook his head. “You cannot see the future as I can. You have a life to live in your world, my dear. You have people to meet, lives to change. You cannot do that with me. You must let me go.” He reached out his hand. “Give me the bottle.” I hadn’t realized I had brought the bottle into my dreams until I clutched it against my chest. “No. I can’t. Let me have this of you, at least.” He shook his head. “You cannot. You must let me go. Completely.” In three quick strides, he was holding me, pressing my head against his chest. “You must let me go,” he whispered urgently. “Quickly, before it’s too late.”
The bottle was crushed between us – I felt the glass give and the dust float to the ground at our feet. “Please set me free,” he whispered, stepping back to hold my face between his hands. “You must let me go.” I held onto him, unwilling to let go once I had him again. “No.” Gently, he pulled me away. “Listen to me. You have a life ahead of you – a good, long life full of love and laughter and friendship. You don’t need me.” “Yes, I do!” I wept, unable to look into his perfect face. “No, you don’t. you have your own wizard of a man waiting for you – more amazing than I am. He can stay with you until your death. He will love you in a way I never could.” Slowly, I looked up at him. He smiled, brushing away my tears. “Trust me,” he whispered, leaning down and brushing my forehead with his lips. I closed my eyes as warmth swept through me. “I do love you,” I whispered, even as my memory of him grew less real and more as a dream. “And I love you, my darling,” he whispered back, feeling my grip on him grow weaker. Soon I fell back into the warm darkness and he soared away into the starry sky. I watched him leave with half-closed eyes. “Don’t forget me,” I murmured as I let my eyes close completely and relaxed.
“Wake up,” a voice begged. “For heaven’s sake, please wake up!” a hand gripped mine, urgent and scared. My eyes fluttered open slowly to find a face looking down at me – a face with piercing blue eyes and curly black hair. A smile spread across his face as he saw my eyes open. “There we go,” he whispered, cradling my hand between his. “Don’t ever scare me like that again.” Love poured through his grip on my hand into me. I blinked, trying to wipe away the cobwebs of the strange dream I had woken from. No…it wasn’t a dream. I remembered him, his electric touch…and completely forgot about him when this new stranger bent over me. This was no stranger. I knew him…had known him all my life. The only thing strange about him was the deep love in his eyes.
~~~~~
I am not sure what happened to my wizard. He is not my wizard any longer. I have moved on in my life, just like he said I would. I have found love, and laughter, and friendship. I never knew how much I was needed until I had met that wizard and wanted to leave.
People need me here. He needs me. I had found my prince – like my wizard had promised.
SilverLuna
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