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A Letter to my Sister's Future Boyfriend

July 20, 2011
By CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
More by this author
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.&quot; --Douglas Adams<br /> <br /> &quot;The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.&quot; --Marcus Aurelius

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Greetings!


For dating my dear little sister, you must be either a very special man or a complete creep who wants to take advantage of her. If you are her first boyfriend, then I suspect it is the latter. All you have to do to disprove my theory is visit our family! If my sister has conned you into deciding to meet us, then you are either very brave or very stupid. Again, I suspect it is the latter.


Anyway, I guess you should know what to expect.


As soon as your vehicle pulls into our driveway, you will be watched. If you are even mildly aware of your surroundings, you will see three short, dark-skinned men in military gear. These are three of the seasonal Filipino workers we employ on our apiary. One of them will be armed with a pellet gun and another will be armed with my dad’s bear hunting rifle. The last one doesn’t need a gun; he’s a bull wrestler. While these three men are dangerous, they aren’t the ones you need to worry about.


At our front door you will be greeted by dad and his double-barrel shotgun. One barrel is filled with rock salt and bacon rind while the other has an actual shell. This is a warning as to what will happen if you break her heart. Still, dad is not the one you should be the most afraid of.


No, the person you should fear most is my mother. She has the aura of a military general and the ruthless streak of a Mafia boss. It is a rare young man that is not intimidated by her. Personally, I don’t think you are one of these rare men.


But if you love my little sister despite her psychotic family, you do indeed deserve her love. If you stick around long enough to marry her, then maybe I can accept you as my brother-in-law. Maybe.

© Kimber E., Yorktown, VA

The author's comments:
This is from my own point-of-view, but it is a fictional letter. Then again, this could happen in real life if my little sister brings a boyfriend home!

Please leave a comment and tell me what you think!
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This article has 238 comments.

CarrieAnn13 GOLD said...
on Jul. 30 2011 at 7:10 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.&quot; --Douglas Adams<br /> <br /> &quot;The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.&quot; --Marcus Aurelius

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Thank you!
Ha-5-rika SILVER said...
on Jul. 30 2011 at 11:02 am
Ha-5-rika SILVER, Visakapatnam, Other
9 articles 7 photos 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is what your thoughts make it.<br /> Happiness, success and the greatest of achievements are nothing if you don&#039;t have someone to share it with. <br /> A life lived for others is a life worthwhile - Albert Einstein.

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Interesting and funny.
CarrieAnn13 GOLD said...
on Jul. 29 2011 at 9:15 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.&quot; --Douglas Adams<br /> <br /> &quot;The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.&quot; --Marcus Aurelius

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Thanks so much for commenting! :)
redhairCat PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 29 2011 at 9:14 pm
redhairCat PLATINUM, Pebble Beach, California
47 articles 20 photos 411 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I can do anything!&quot;

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Sounds like something my father would say to my future boyfriends! GREAT job!!!!
CarrieAnn13 GOLD said...
on Jul. 27 2011 at 9:14 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.&quot; --Douglas Adams<br /> <br /> &quot;The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.&quot; --Marcus Aurelius

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Thanks for commenting!  I'm glad it made you laugh. :)
VioletRoyal BRONZE said...
on Jul. 27 2011 at 9:08 pm
VioletRoyal BRONZE, Lebanon, Indiana
3 articles 0 photos 26 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;To be great takes time.&quot; - NK

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I don't have a younger sibling, but I could see one of my very protective friends talking like this!  Thanks for the laugh!  I needed it!  Hope you will look at my work and give me feedback!
CarrieAnn13 GOLD said...
on Jul. 27 2011 at 1:27 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.&quot; --Douglas Adams<br /> <br /> &quot;The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.&quot; --Marcus Aurelius

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Thank you!  :)
sweetly_broken GOLD said...
on Jul. 27 2011 at 1:22 pm
sweetly_broken GOLD, Garner, North Carolina
15 articles 0 photos 157 comments

Favorite Quote:
We never know how big we are until we are asked to rise.

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Haha, this made me laugh a lot. It also had good imagery and was well written. Good work! :)
CarrieAnn13 GOLD said...
on Jul. 27 2011 at 12:31 am
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.&quot; --Douglas Adams<br /> <br /> &quot;The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.&quot; --Marcus Aurelius

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Thanks!  I'm glad you like my dark sense of humour. :)
NinjaGirl BRONZE said...
on Jul. 27 2011 at 12:25 am
NinjaGirl BRONZE, Valley City, North Dakota
1 article 0 photos 202 comments

Favorite Quote:
The only thing holding us back in life is our desire to stay where we are and not venture further.<br /> ~Some random person on the Internet :P

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Haha! Although I'm not protective of my younger siblings whatsoever, I do have a similar morbid sense of humor. :P Very nice job on this!
CarrieAnn13 GOLD said...
on Jul. 26 2011 at 11:54 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.&quot; --Douglas Adams<br /> <br /> &quot;The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.&quot; --Marcus Aurelius

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Nah, I wouldn't harm my little sister.  I'd give her a lecture on choosing the right guy, though. :)
IAmWhoIWantToBe PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 26 2011 at 11:46 pm
IAmWhoIWantToBe PLATINUM, Manila, Other
41 articles 0 photos 650 comments

Favorite Quote:
&lrm;&quot;I&rsquo;m learning how to drown out the constant noise that is such an inseparable part of my life. I don&rsquo;t have to prove anything to anyone. I only have to follow my heart and concentrate on what I want to say to the world: I run my world.&quot; - Beyonc&eacute;

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I'm just wondering what if my sister does to me what she did (might do) to my BF. LOL XD
CarrieAnn13 GOLD said...
on Jul. 26 2011 at 11:25 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.&quot; --Douglas Adams<br /> <br /> &quot;The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.&quot; --Marcus Aurelius

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Don't you want an overprotective big sister? ;)
IAmWhoIWantToBe PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 26 2011 at 8:23 pm
IAmWhoIWantToBe PLATINUM, Manila, Other
41 articles 0 photos 650 comments

Favorite Quote:
&lrm;&quot;I&rsquo;m learning how to drown out the constant noise that is such an inseparable part of my life. I don&rsquo;t have to prove anything to anyone. I only have to follow my heart and concentrate on what I want to say to the world: I run my world.&quot; - Beyonc&eacute;

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Glad you're not my sister!!! LOL!!!
CarrieAnn13 GOLD said...
on Jul. 26 2011 at 1:13 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.&quot; --Douglas Adams<br /> <br /> &quot;The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.&quot; --Marcus Aurelius

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I'll tell them when my sister does get a boyfriend. :)  At eleven, I think she's a little young yet.

Thanks for commenting!

billgamesh11 BRONZE said...
on Jul. 26 2011 at 12:20 pm
billgamesh11 BRONZE, Grafton, Massachusetts
3 articles 0 photos 278 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;It&#039;s always darkest before the dawn.&quot; ~Florence and the Machine

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:D:D:D This is how I would act if my sister brings home a boy! Excpet I don't have three armed men, a dad with a gun, or any guns at all really, but I do have a mom who can be intimidating at times, and my little sister has a very intimidating big sister:);) Nice job and tell whoever is brave enough to meet your family that I wished them luck:):):);)
CarrieAnn13 GOLD said...
on Jul. 25 2011 at 10:36 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.&quot; --Douglas Adams<br /> <br /> &quot;The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.&quot; --Marcus Aurelius

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Aw, thanks!  I'm glad you like it.  And my snarky sense of humour. ;)
LadyJaneGrey PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 25 2011 at 10:24 pm
LadyJaneGrey PLATINUM, Louisville, Kentucky
30 articles 0 photos 46 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I know it defies the law of gravity, but I never studied law.&quot; - Bugs Bunny

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This is the second story of yours I've read, and you have a wit that you use extremely well. I can't believe I'm posting this on a writing website, but lolololololol. 
CarrieAnn13 GOLD said...
on Jul. 25 2011 at 7:21 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.&quot; --Douglas Adams<br /> <br /> &quot;The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.&quot; --Marcus Aurelius

View profile
Thank you!  I'm glad you like it. :)
FrownMonaLisa SILVER said...
on Jul. 25 2011 at 7:20 pm
FrownMonaLisa SILVER, Arlington, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don&#039;t cry because it&#039;s over. Smile because it happened

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haha this is very amusing!! It is like something I would do to my future sisters boyfriend. Its funny and very creative. good job!