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A Letter to my Sister's Future Boyfriend

July 20, 2011
By CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
More by this author
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.&quot; --Douglas Adams<br /> <br /> &quot;The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.&quot; --Marcus Aurelius

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Greetings!


For dating my dear little sister, you must be either a very special man or a complete creep who wants to take advantage of her. If you are her first boyfriend, then I suspect it is the latter. All you have to do to disprove my theory is visit our family! If my sister has conned you into deciding to meet us, then you are either very brave or very stupid. Again, I suspect it is the latter.


Anyway, I guess you should know what to expect.


As soon as your vehicle pulls into our driveway, you will be watched. If you are even mildly aware of your surroundings, you will see three short, dark-skinned men in military gear. These are three of the seasonal Filipino workers we employ on our apiary. One of them will be armed with a pellet gun and another will be armed with my dad’s bear hunting rifle. The last one doesn’t need a gun; he’s a bull wrestler. While these three men are dangerous, they aren’t the ones you need to worry about.


At our front door you will be greeted by dad and his double-barrel shotgun. One barrel is filled with rock salt and bacon rind while the other has an actual shell. This is a warning as to what will happen if you break her heart. Still, dad is not the one you should be the most afraid of.


No, the person you should fear most is my mother. She has the aura of a military general and the ruthless streak of a Mafia boss. It is a rare young man that is not intimidated by her. Personally, I don’t think you are one of these rare men.


But if you love my little sister despite her psychotic family, you do indeed deserve her love. If you stick around long enough to marry her, then maybe I can accept you as my brother-in-law. Maybe.

© Kimber E., Yorktown, VA

The author's comments:
This is from my own point-of-view, but it is a fictional letter. Then again, this could happen in real life if my little sister brings a boyfriend home!

Please leave a comment and tell me what you think!
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This article has 238 comments.

dancemaniac GOLD said...
on Aug. 23 2011 at 8:55 pm
dancemaniac GOLD, Mansfield, Texas
13 articles 0 photos 20 comments
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very light and refreshing! this is exactly what any older sibling would be thinking when their sister gets a boyfriend! Hilarious(:
CarrieAnn13 GOLD said...
on Aug. 22 2011 at 6:52 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.&quot; --Douglas Adams<br /> <br /> &quot;The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.&quot; --Marcus Aurelius

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Thank you! :)
Tongue_Blep PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 22 2011 at 4:21 pm
Tongue_Blep PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 769 comments
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Funny and awesome!!!! :)(:
CarrieAnn13 GOLD said...
on Aug. 20 2011 at 5:30 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.&quot; --Douglas Adams<br /> <br /> &quot;The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.&quot; --Marcus Aurelius

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Thanks! :)
Hazel-daisy GOLD said...
on Aug. 20 2011 at 3:34 pm
Hazel-daisy GOLD, --, Other
19 articles 0 photos 324 comments

Favorite Quote:
It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else - Erna Bombeck<br /> <br /> In three words i can sum up everything I&#039;ve learned in life: it goes on -Robert Frost<br /> <br /> Live, Love, Laugh - ______<br /> <br /> Hope, Love, breathe &lt;3 - Me

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haha this is good! its funny and refreshing! i love how its told aswel! good job! :)
CarrieAnn13 GOLD said...
on Aug. 17 2011 at 9:32 am
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.&quot; --Douglas Adams<br /> <br /> &quot;The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.&quot; --Marcus Aurelius

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Thanks for commenting! :)
lucygirl26 GOLD said...
on Aug. 17 2011 at 8:49 am
lucygirl26 GOLD, Greensboro, North Carolina
11 articles 0 photos 68 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Life is like a bowl of spaghetti. Every once in a while, you get a meatball.&quot; - Sharon Creech

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very funny! I love how it's over the top but understandable. This is probably how I would feel if my little sister had a boyfriend, too! haha! My favorite sentence was "As soon as your vehicle pulls into our driveway, you will be watched." Hilarious!
CarrieAnn13 GOLD said...
on Aug. 15 2011 at 10:11 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.&quot; --Douglas Adams<br /> <br /> &quot;The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.&quot; --Marcus Aurelius

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I'm glad you like it! :)
CallMeMrs.Batman SILVER said...
on Aug. 15 2011 at 9:41 pm
CallMeMrs.Batman SILVER, Moreno Valley, California
5 articles 0 photos 39 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to our enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to our friends.&quot;<br /> -Professor Dumbledore to Harry Potter<br /> &quot;What doesn&#039;t kill you, makes you stronger.&quot;<br /> -Unknown

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This is great! I thought it was soo funny! And I totally agree: When my little sister brings home a boyfriend, he's gonna have to have a long talk with me and my older brother. Haha! :)
CarrieAnn13 GOLD said...
on Aug. 15 2011 at 7:59 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.&quot; --Douglas Adams<br /> <br /> &quot;The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.&quot; --Marcus Aurelius

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Thanks! :)  I'm glad so many people like it.
BreeTayler PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 15 2011 at 7:46 pm
BreeTayler PLATINUM, Carlisle, Arkansas
30 articles 0 photos 57 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Where there is love there is life.&quot; --Ghandi

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haha! I agree with everyone, it's so cute! Not cute as in how adorable.. cute as in... kick butt! lol it was fun to read c:
CarrieAnn13 GOLD said...
on Aug. 15 2011 at 7:16 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.&quot; --Douglas Adams<br /> <br /> &quot;The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.&quot; --Marcus Aurelius

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Thanks for commenting! :)
CarrieAnn13 GOLD said...
on Aug. 15 2011 at 7:15 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.&quot; --Douglas Adams<br /> <br /> &quot;The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.&quot; --Marcus Aurelius

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That's okay!  And thanks for all the feedback! :)
Shayna121 GOLD said...
on Aug. 15 2011 at 5:47 pm
Shayna121 GOLD, Port Charlotte, Florida
12 articles 0 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
I am the master of my fate and the captain of my soul.

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This was cute! Sorry i couldn't post feedback on the article you wanted me too...but I couldn't find it...As for this one I thought it was funny and so true with a lot of families. I am the oldest child and when i brought my first boyfriend home my mom practically interrogated him...she had checked his background and since she works for the FBI she did a pretty extensive check lol and she wanted him to provide for a drug test right then and there and I was so embarrassed...eventually she got to know him and really liked him and then he entered the army and well, he passed away. But I can really picture your story in real life and it was really good!
Emily.L GOLD said...
on Aug. 15 2011 at 2:42 pm
Emily.L GOLD, Gilbert, Arizona
10 articles 12 photos 84 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Sometimes, we just have to be happy with what people can offer us. Even if it&#039;s not what we want, at least it&#039;s something. &quot; -Sarah Dessen

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Nice, short, sweet, and funny. I liked it :)
CarrieAnn13 GOLD said...
on Aug. 14 2011 at 1:44 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.&quot; --Douglas Adams<br /> <br /> &quot;The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.&quot; --Marcus Aurelius

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Thanks!  And I was completely serious when I wrote this. ;)
alex198 said...
on Aug. 14 2011 at 1:43 pm
alex198, |, Other
0 articles 0 photos 113 comments
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This was funny and cute. I loved the writing style. It made me picture someone saying this with a completely straight face. It was great how it was written so seriously but in a way that really made me laugh. I also liked that despite the fact that the letter is an obvious exageration it is also completely relatable. I have a little sister and while I can't imagine myself writing this letter I can totally see where it's coming from and I can also imagine my brother writing an even more intimidating one (if that's possible) :P. So overall I thought this was funny, well written and pretty great :D.
CarrieAnn13 GOLD said...
on Aug. 14 2011 at 12:21 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.&quot; --Douglas Adams<br /> <br /> &quot;The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.&quot; --Marcus Aurelius

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Probably not.  But we'll know when she finds 'The One', if he sees her psycho family and dates her anyway. ;)
MorenSore SILVER said...
on Aug. 14 2011 at 9:50 am
MorenSore SILVER, Albuquerque, New Mexico
9 articles 0 photos 45 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Liberty is not the power of doing what we like, but the right of being able to do what we ought.&quot;<br /> ~Lord Acton

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I loved it, but your sisters not gonna get a date, EVER!
MorenSore SILVER said...
on Aug. 14 2011 at 9:49 am
MorenSore SILVER, Albuquerque, New Mexico
9 articles 0 photos 45 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Liberty is not the power of doing what we like, but the right of being able to do what we ought.&quot;<br /> ~Lord Acton

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I loved it but i don't think your sister's gonna get a date.