The last rays of light shined on our faces and caused the sky to turn to a soft pink. The bottom of the clouds hovering over the sun glowed a bright orange, and the top a light bluish-yellow. The only sound on the beach was the crashing of the waves. To the left of us was his motor bike, to which got us here on this beautiful beach.
He held me in his arms as we laid on the blue and red picnic blanket he set out for us. He tried so hard to make this nice; set up a picnic with strawberries and melted chocolate, small pillows on the edges, a candle that wouldn’t stay alight, marsh-mellows, small cupcakes his mum made and a bottle of champagne he took from his father.
The whole time we had been here he didn’t let me go, always had his arm around me or was holding my hand. It was actually rather annoying. I titled my head on his chest towards his face, there was no doubt he was amazingly good looking. But I felt so sorry for him.
He looked down at my face and smiled, then kissed me lightly on the lips. His fingers tracing my arm left was soon holding my face. His light kissing soon turned into a very passionate one. I kissed him back, losing my self. He pulled me closer to him and my fingers in twined in his hair. He pushed his body on top of mine, still kissing me. I pulled my face away and turned my head, enabling him to kiss me anymore. I shouldn’t have done that. He laid still on me and I could feel his stare on the side of my face. I turned my face back to his. The sun rays making a glow on his hair made him look like some kind of angel. But his sad expression was not an expression that resembled one.
I couldn’t stand to look at him like that, and for the first time I felt a rush of guilt. I closed my eyes and tried to think of something else. I tried not to think of what I had done; made him somehow love me. I tried not to think about the times we had over the summer, or when he kissed me for the first time and I felt nothing. But yet he, he felt something. He told me he loved me that evening and my heart sank. Since then I hadn’t been the same. I told him I loved him also, but the truth was, I didn’t. We had fun, heaps of fun and I felt I could talk to him about anything, but the truth was, I didn’t care if he disappeared, left, told me he hated me. I never had trouble telling boys I didn’t feel the same way when they told me they had feelings for me, but now it felt impossible. And I had never been told by someone that they loved me. To me, love didn’t exist. It was just an illusion.
Love didn’t exist in my family.
“Jane?” he whispered to me.
I opened my eyes as slow as possible, trying to think of an excuse for how I behaved. “Yes?”
He was still laying on me, staring into my eyes as if I was something special, somehow different to other girls. He would find someone else though. Someone prettier, nicer, believed in love and had no intentions of hurting him.
His eyes started glistening and he closed his eyelids and rested his head on my chest. I lifted my head to look at his face and a tear dropped onto my skin and I was in pain. It was a strange pain, more of an ache. My chest ached as so did my jaw as I fought back tears I didn’t think existed. It was strange.
The feeling was soon rushed away and I laid my head back on the blanket and pillow.
“You don’t love me do you? You never did.”
I lifted my head back up again, and saw him already sitting up across from me. He didn’t look sad anymore, but definitely not happy. He looked more angry and frustrated than anything. I couldn’t get myself to say no, so gently shook my head and looked down.
He let out a long sigh and I couldn’t bare to look at him. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“No, I’m sorry,” he exclaimed.
I looked up from the floor confused and at his face. “I would have given you everything. I know we’re young and I haven’t known you for very long but you mean everything to me. I would have done anything for you, but you won’t give me the chance. Why? Why won’t you at least give me a chance!?” he yelled the last sentence and threw the container of cupcakes, causing them to fly everywhere. It didn’t take seagulls long snatch them from the sand.
“I can’t!” I yelled back. I felt myself holding back the tears again. I took a deep breath and continued. “I can’t do this. I’ll just hurt you even more. Relationships are not for me. Love is not for me. I just don’t think happiness is in the cards.”
“You won’t let yourself be happy?” he asked frustrated. His eyes started glistening again and it was painful to watch another tear slip.
“Being happy never lasts. You’re only left with a broken heart that just isn’t worth it.”
“You shouldn’t be scared,” he said as another tear slipped from his other eye. He stood up and walked towards the water, kicking a pillow as he went.
I watched him stand there by the water with his amazing body. Any girl would die to be me right now. The sun was completely gone and the sky was already darkening. I watched the wind blow lightly threw his dark brown hair as he crossed his arms over his shirtless body. I packed up the leftover food and folded up the blanket, then tied them on to his motor bike. I put my cardigan on and started walking along the beach to try and find the road. It seemed like a long way on the bike when we tried to find a good spot, so who knows how long it would take to walk back to the road, let alone home. Luckily my house was only a half an hour walk.
“Jane?” He startled me and I quickly spun around.
He was standing next to his motorbike and gestured with his head for me to get on.
“Are you sure?” I asked as I slowly started walking back.
“I’m not going to let you walk home, silly,” he said trying to sound as casual as he could despite what happened.
I hopped on to the bike as so did he, and wrapped my arms around his leather jacket. He gave me a helmet and we rode off.
3 months later
It was an early autumn day in the city and I was out with my friends. We were laughing and mucking around as we usually did and I listened to their stories about how they spent their night with their boyfriend. It seemed like a competition for them as to who had the best night. I was a little relieved I wasn’t apart of it. Soon enough they would be crying and I would be comforting them as they tell me how stupid they were to think their boyfriend wouldn’t hurt them. That was how it always was.
We walked through the busy mall but I accidently stacked my shoe on an uneven piece of concrete, causing me to fall slightly to the left and into someone. They managed to stop me from falling and helped me stand upright as my face went bright pink. I looked up to them to thank the stranger until I realised, they weren’t. It was him.
I stood there in shock as I looked into his brown eyes. The way he looked at me was the same way he always did and excitement rushed through me and I found myself smiling like a lovesick puppy. I soon forgot about everyone until he was soon slightly tugged away.
Next to him stood a girl that had a curious expression on her face. She was beautiful and together they looked prefect. She pulled forward to continue the direction they were already heading, giving me a strange look as she left. Her long brown hair blew in the wind and he looked away from me and back to her and smiled, as they reached for each other’s hands. I discovered the feeling of jealousy that moment.
I turned myself around to watch him as they walked away. He looked happy, really happy, nor did he bother to turn around to take a last glance.
“Damn, who was that?” one of my friends tapped me on the shoulder, causing me to come back down to Earth.
“No one.”
He held me in his arms as we laid on the blue and red picnic blanket he set out for us. He tried so hard to make this nice; set up a picnic with strawberries and melted chocolate, small pillows on the edges, a candle that wouldn’t stay alight, marsh-mellows, small cupcakes his mum made and a bottle of champagne he took from his father.
The whole time we had been here he didn’t let me go, always had his arm around me or was holding my hand. It was actually rather annoying. I titled my head on his chest towards his face, there was no doubt he was amazingly good looking. But I felt so sorry for him.
He looked down at my face and smiled, then kissed me lightly on the lips. His fingers tracing my arm left was soon holding my face. His light kissing soon turned into a very passionate one. I kissed him back, losing my self. He pulled me closer to him and my fingers in twined in his hair. He pushed his body on top of mine, still kissing me. I pulled my face away and turned my head, enabling him to kiss me anymore. I shouldn’t have done that. He laid still on me and I could feel his stare on the side of my face. I turned my face back to his. The sun rays making a glow on his hair made him look like some kind of angel. But his sad expression was not an expression that resembled one.
I couldn’t stand to look at him like that, and for the first time I felt a rush of guilt. I closed my eyes and tried to think of something else. I tried not to think of what I had done; made him somehow love me. I tried not to think about the times we had over the summer, or when he kissed me for the first time and I felt nothing. But yet he, he felt something. He told me he loved me that evening and my heart sank. Since then I hadn’t been the same. I told him I loved him also, but the truth was, I didn’t. We had fun, heaps of fun and I felt I could talk to him about anything, but the truth was, I didn’t care if he disappeared, left, told me he hated me. I never had trouble telling boys I didn’t feel the same way when they told me they had feelings for me, but now it felt impossible. And I had never been told by someone that they loved me. To me, love didn’t exist. It was just an illusion.
Love didn’t exist in my family.
“Jane?” he whispered to me.
I opened my eyes as slow as possible, trying to think of an excuse for how I behaved. “Yes?”
He was still laying on me, staring into my eyes as if I was something special, somehow different to other girls. He would find someone else though. Someone prettier, nicer, believed in love and had no intentions of hurting him.
His eyes started glistening and he closed his eyelids and rested his head on my chest. I lifted my head to look at his face and a tear dropped onto my skin and I was in pain. It was a strange pain, more of an ache. My chest ached as so did my jaw as I fought back tears I didn’t think existed. It was strange.
The feeling was soon rushed away and I laid my head back on the blanket and pillow.
“You don’t love me do you? You never did.”
I lifted my head back up again, and saw him already sitting up across from me. He didn’t look sad anymore, but definitely not happy. He looked more angry and frustrated than anything. I couldn’t get myself to say no, so gently shook my head and looked down.
He let out a long sigh and I couldn’t bare to look at him. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“No, I’m sorry,” he exclaimed.
I looked up from the floor confused and at his face. “I would have given you everything. I know we’re young and I haven’t known you for very long but you mean everything to me. I would have done anything for you, but you won’t give me the chance. Why? Why won’t you at least give me a chance!?” he yelled the last sentence and threw the container of cupcakes, causing them to fly everywhere. It didn’t take seagulls long snatch them from the sand.
“I can’t!” I yelled back. I felt myself holding back the tears again. I took a deep breath and continued. “I can’t do this. I’ll just hurt you even more. Relationships are not for me. Love is not for me. I just don’t think happiness is in the cards.”
“You won’t let yourself be happy?” he asked frustrated. His eyes started glistening again and it was painful to watch another tear slip.
“Being happy never lasts. You’re only left with a broken heart that just isn’t worth it.”
“You shouldn’t be scared,” he said as another tear slipped from his other eye. He stood up and walked towards the water, kicking a pillow as he went.
I watched him stand there by the water with his amazing body. Any girl would die to be me right now. The sun was completely gone and the sky was already darkening. I watched the wind blow lightly threw his dark brown hair as he crossed his arms over his shirtless body. I packed up the leftover food and folded up the blanket, then tied them on to his motor bike. I put my cardigan on and started walking along the beach to try and find the road. It seemed like a long way on the bike when we tried to find a good spot, so who knows how long it would take to walk back to the road, let alone home. Luckily my house was only a half an hour walk.
“Jane?” He startled me and I quickly spun around.
He was standing next to his motorbike and gestured with his head for me to get on.
“Are you sure?” I asked as I slowly started walking back.
“I’m not going to let you walk home, silly,” he said trying to sound as casual as he could despite what happened.
I hopped on to the bike as so did he, and wrapped my arms around his leather jacket. He gave me a helmet and we rode off.
3 months later
It was an early autumn day in the city and I was out with my friends. We were laughing and mucking around as we usually did and I listened to their stories about how they spent their night with their boyfriend. It seemed like a competition for them as to who had the best night. I was a little relieved I wasn’t apart of it. Soon enough they would be crying and I would be comforting them as they tell me how stupid they were to think their boyfriend wouldn’t hurt them. That was how it always was.
We walked through the busy mall but I accidently stacked my shoe on an uneven piece of concrete, causing me to fall slightly to the left and into someone. They managed to stop me from falling and helped me stand upright as my face went bright pink. I looked up to them to thank the stranger until I realised, they weren’t. It was him.
I stood there in shock as I looked into his brown eyes. The way he looked at me was the same way he always did and excitement rushed through me and I found myself smiling like a lovesick puppy. I soon forgot about everyone until he was soon slightly tugged away.
Next to him stood a girl that had a curious expression on her face. She was beautiful and together they looked prefect. She pulled forward to continue the direction they were already heading, giving me a strange look as she left. Her long brown hair blew in the wind and he looked away from me and back to her and smiled, as they reached for each other’s hands. I discovered the feeling of jealousy that moment.
I turned myself around to watch him as they walked away. He looked happy, really happy, nor did he bother to turn around to take a last glance.
“Damn, who was that?” one of my friends tapped me on the shoulder, causing me to come back down to Earth.
“No one.”
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