The Others (Chapter One) | Teen Ink

The Others (Chapter One)

May 29, 2010
By _Mags_ SILVER, Somewhere, North Carolina
_Mags_ SILVER, Somewhere, North Carolina
9 articles 7 photos 436 comments

Favorite Quote:
- I stare danger in the face and giggle<br /> - Never argue with an idiot, people might not know the difference<br /> -R.A.P (Retards Attempting Poetry)<br /> -Tip Cologne ryhmes with alone


I couldn’t see anything. Not the trees that scraped my arms as I managed to run through the forest. Not the strange men awaiting my death. And just now, my two brothers.

“You freakin jerks have nothing else better to do huh?” I screamed, a sharp edge sounded in my usually calm voice.

I gulped lungfuls of air. Run Lana run. Come on can’t I run any faster?

My legs were being scratched to ribbons by the low branches of trees. My feet hit every bump on the ground as I pounced through the woods. My lungs cried out for air. I can deal with all of that as long as I get out of this mess.

“You’re not going to get away this time Other,” His deep voice almost boiled, but yet he sounded like he was pleased by my torture.

C**p. C**p. C**p, C**p. I have to get out of this. The heavy footsteps of gangsters grew louder. I was completely lost, but still my arms pumped. My feet pounded the ground faster with every step. I have to outrun them. I just have to.

These jerks are constantly after me and my two older brothers, Nate and Daniel. In short we can’t escape from them, as simple as that. You’d think being different would be cool. Well being special isn’t always going to cut it in this world.

The crack of a gun shot left me dead in my tracks. Who let them have a gun?

My eyes widened. I badly wanted to close them so I could convince
myself that nothing is happening, but they wouldn‘t. I knew death was about to wash over me. Nothing other then fear showed on my face. I was not shocked. I was not upset. Some things you have to accept.

That only made me run faster.

I may be an Other but I’m not superman I can’t run out a speeding bullet.

Another bang from the shot gun sent my ears screaming for mercy. Without thought, the wind was stolen out of my body and a sudden sheering pain appeared. I looked around my shoulder, my feet never even once stopped running for their life. Bright red blood trickled down my once yellow shirt.

I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until I was gasping for air. The cool damp grass sat below my blooded head. “There you are you maggot.” Three gangsters stood in front of me. Bloodlust showed in their eyes. One of them watched me. A crooked smile slowly formed on his face when he saw the blood pour onto on the now red grass. An icy, hard muzzle pressed against my forehead. Trickles sweat trailing behind it.

“You think you can escape us? If you keep acting like that, I’ll just go ahead and kill you.” The feeling of terror ran down my spine set flames along my nervous thoughts. I pressed my hand to my chest to see if anything was broken. Only some cracked rips nothing serious, I thought to myself. But if they actually think they can leave me here like this, they got another thing coming. But is too late the darkness was already closing in.

No noise could be heard but my beating heart

NO,” a strikingly familiar voice roared. Nate. Daniel. I would have cried out to them but all I could do was stare into the deepening black…


The author's comments:
-tell me what you think, and thank you for reading this as well-
I know the chapter is short, o'm sorry bout that. Now i just hope i can find a better title other then: "The Others"

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This article has 38 comments.


_Mags_ SILVER said...
on Jun. 25 2010 at 9:57 am
_Mags_ SILVER, Somewhere, North Carolina
9 articles 7 photos 436 comments

Favorite Quote:
- I stare danger in the face and giggle<br /> - Never argue with an idiot, people might not know the difference<br /> -R.A.P (Retards Attempting Poetry)<br /> -Tip Cologne ryhmes with alone

thank you, for the advice as well

on Jun. 25 2010 at 9:47 am
Bassoonkelley GOLD, Tampa, Florida
15 articles 0 photos 49 comments
The action and movement in your story create a lot of intrigue! The only thing I would critique is that you should add more concrete ideas - more exactness and description. What does it feel like to get shot? Muscles being torn apart, burning, does your heart beat abnormally, do you think about something in particular? A little more color and unique, awkward depiction of a situation gives it a life, gives it a heartbeat and a soul. Wonderful start, you've got a lot of talent!

Thanks, by the way for commenting my work :) Feel free to comment away on any of the other pieces!

on Jun. 24 2010 at 2:18 pm
jaredwriter19 GOLD, Masontown, Pennsylvania
12 articles 0 photos 49 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;If you live to be a hundred, I hope to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.&quot; <br /> -Winnie the Pooh

This was really good, keep writing!

P.S. Thanks for reading my story :)


reesha SILVER said...
on Jun. 24 2010 at 1:57 am
reesha SILVER, Rawalpindi, Other
6 articles 15 photos 124 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.&quot;<br /> Walt Disney<br /> <br /> &quot;Hakuna Matata!&quot;<br /> Lion King<br /> <br /> &quot;The British policy was &#039;unite and conquer&#039;. But I say &#039;unite and conquer&#039;.&quot;<br /> Greg Mortenson (Three Cups of Tea)

This was really good. You may want to make a little addition to the part where she gets shot, I suggest taking help from 'The Bourne Identity', the main character in that gets shot A LOT! It's your choice though. Otherwise I really liked it. 

on Jun. 23 2010 at 3:07 pm
Egyptiangirl13 GOLD, Kansas City, Missouri
14 articles 0 photos 498 comments

Favorite Quote:
\&quot;either write something worth reading or do something worth writing. -Benjamin Franklin<br /> <br /> \&quot;If columbus would have turned back, no one would have blamed him. No one would have remembered him either.\&quot; <br /> <br /> \&quot;If music be the food of love, play on.\&quot;

wow this is really good!!! great job!!!

on Jun. 22 2010 at 9:03 pm
AwesomeAley GOLD, Levittown, Pennsylvania
15 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Forget about yesturday it doesn&#039;t matter, Live for today as tho life doesn&#039;t matter, Wish for a tommorow as good as today and hopefully it will be better&quot; -aley (me)

i thank you for reading my story and i really enjoyed yours too it really gives off an emotion which is hard to find in some stories. i was really able to enjoy this because it flowed easily and it made alot of since unlike some other stories on here.  keep up the good work!

on Jun. 22 2010 at 12:18 pm
GreenEyedGirl15 BRONZE, Derby, Kansas
4 articles 0 photos 95 comments
This was really good. There were only one or two typos, which is awesome! The emotion was realistic and interesting. Your plot was slightly normal, but I think its gonna be one heck of an original story!!! Keep it up. Oh btw- I love  your taste in books and music! :)

on Jun. 22 2010 at 11:46 am
iluvnacho PLATINUM, Somewhere, Colorado
28 articles 1 photo 67 comments

Favorite Quote:
\&quot;Find the beauty in the ugly\&quot;-Jason Mraz 5-19-10<br /> \&quot;Be kinder than nessicary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.\&quot; Unknown 11-29-10

I LOVE it! It reminds me of a series called the Uglies. It's very sreative. Keep it up! :D

_Mags_ SILVER said...
on Jun. 21 2010 at 8:11 pm
_Mags_ SILVER, Somewhere, North Carolina
9 articles 7 photos 436 comments

Favorite Quote:
- I stare danger in the face and giggle<br /> - Never argue with an idiot, people might not know the difference<br /> -R.A.P (Retards Attempting Poetry)<br /> -Tip Cologne ryhmes with alone

Thanks, i'm not always the best at titles so tht is why i wasn't sure about it

Kat2292 BRONZE said...
on Jun. 21 2010 at 7:58 pm
Kat2292 BRONZE, Canfield, Ohio
3 articles 1 photo 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;If at first you don&#039;t succeed, call it version 1.0.&quot; ~Mark<br /> &quot;Life&#039;s like a novel with the end ripped out.&quot; ~Rascal Flatts

This was actually really good! I enjoyed it; all the suspense and mystery still left makes me want to read more! Great job! By the way, keep the title. That's what caught my eye in the first place :)

bobun16 SILVER said...
on Jun. 21 2010 at 7:50 pm
bobun16 SILVER, Mesa, Arizona
7 articles 0 photos 60 comments

Favorite Quote:
is this a trick question or what?-Calvin and Hobbes

Haha, this is awesome, why'd you say it was bad? I love it!

on Jun. 20 2010 at 8:24 pm
vikesfan28 GOLD, Genoa, Nevada
14 articles 0 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
I&#039;m still a geek on the inside, that&#039;s the important thing.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> -Wierd Al Yankovic

very impressive!  Now i'm no expert critic or anything, but i'm gonna read the second pert too so that's a good thing. I can sometimes have very little patience with bad writers which you most definitely are not, so congratulations!!  Also, your story sort of reminds me of the Maximum Ride Series by James Patterson so you might wanna check them out.  :)

_Mags_ SILVER said...
on Jun. 20 2010 at 6:26 pm
_Mags_ SILVER, Somewhere, North Carolina
9 articles 7 photos 436 comments

Favorite Quote:
- I stare danger in the face and giggle<br /> - Never argue with an idiot, people might not know the difference<br /> -R.A.P (Retards Attempting Poetry)<br /> -Tip Cologne ryhmes with alone

Thank you :)

on Jun. 20 2010 at 5:57 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1752 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker<br /> We cannot change the cards we&#039;re dealt just how we play the hand<br /> Experience is what you get when you didn&#039;t get what you wanted<br /> It&#039;s pretty easy to be smart when you&#039;re parroting smart people<br /> -Randy Pausch

This was great!  Very interesting story.

_Mags_ SILVER said...
on Jun. 10 2010 at 9:43 pm
_Mags_ SILVER, Somewhere, North Carolina
9 articles 7 photos 436 comments

Favorite Quote:
- I stare danger in the face and giggle<br /> - Never argue with an idiot, people might not know the difference<br /> -R.A.P (Retards Attempting Poetry)<br /> -Tip Cologne ryhmes with alone

P.s, i just posted part 2 :))

_Mags_ SILVER said...
on Jun. 10 2010 at 7:51 pm
_Mags_ SILVER, Somewhere, North Carolina
9 articles 7 photos 436 comments

Favorite Quote:
- I stare danger in the face and giggle<br /> - Never argue with an idiot, people might not know the difference<br /> -R.A.P (Retards Attempting Poetry)<br /> -Tip Cologne ryhmes with alone

haha - thanks

on Jun. 10 2010 at 6:29 pm
MyConstRuctd_IdentiTy SILVER, Chardon, Ohio
7 articles 56 photos 356 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;One heartbeat.&quot;<br /> <br /> &quot;Our scars remind us of where we&#039;ve been; they don&#039;t dictate where we&#039;re going.&quot; <br /> -SSA David Rossi, Criminal Minds

.mouth drops. Whoa. That's really good. O_O

on Jun. 9 2010 at 6:07 pm
Puff_the_dragon PLATINUM, Monroe, North Carolina
36 articles 7 photos 79 comments

Favorite Quote:
Love can be lost but it will never be forgotten

Yay, love it