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So, recently, my boyfriend (lets call him Will) got a Facebook. I dont have a Facebook and i dont want one, but pretty much everyone i know in the entire universe has one. Sooo, the first few days after Will got a Facebook that was like alll he and anyone else was interested in talking about. --Except me. Always the one on the outside.
I wasnt very happy that Will got a Facebook, cuz i just knew that it would create some sort of issue. I just.. know things like that. And of course, i was right. :/
So, one morning, during x-period in my school (which is pretty much like study hall) the first thing Will says to me (after he tells me "hey" and that he's tired, like always, which doesnt really count) is that he had a "nice conversation" with a girl he used to know in elementary school. They both figured out that they had similar experience with depression, and so "we talked it out and i got her number". He's happy that he got another girl's number and its like the first thing he tells me, his girlfriend, in the morning. Now i'll tell you what the problem with THAT is.
Will and I have... complications with his parents. They cant know about me, and they dont. Will and I arent even supposed to be talking to each other, let alone dating. Soo this makes it pretty hard for him to talk to me when we're not at school. Most of the time, he's busy, or he had no time, ect ect. But somehow....he had time to talk to Laura (the girl) and our other friend Gabby on Facebook. But he couldnt talk to me, his girlfriend. (oh, and did i mention that it's not just me his parents dont want him talking to, it's any girl?)
So i was mad and upset and hurt about the fact that it seems like he can talk to anyone in the universe, anyone on Facebook, all these girls...but he cant talk to me. Everyyone but me. His girlfriend. That reallyyy hurt.
So, i was mad at him alll day at school, and he knew it too, but he waits until like 30mins after we get home to TEXT me an apology. I was with him in person ALL day and then he waits till we're at home to TEXT me an apology :(
Then, hours later, he texted me again, apologized a little more (after making it seem like a stupid act, all fake) and then he had to go.
The next day, at school, he apologized to me in person (after i gave him the i'm-waiting look, since he said he'd apologize in person, but then seemed to be forgetting about it) and so i forgave him. I cant stay mad at him for very long, the day before was like a new record.
So, you know, we were fine, i forgave him......and thenn he tells me that he was talking to two other girls the night before while he was texting me, apologizing. That totallyy ruins everything he'd said. I mean, two other girls? Come on!
So i've been really hurt...it seems like he can talk to everyone but me....and then im a jealous person (he knows that, too), and he's talking to all these girls, getting their numbers...but he cant talk to me....i mean not that he has to talk to me every second, cuz he doesnt...just...you know what i mean....and then he didnt text me all weekend and i knew that he was talking to everyone else....but he can barely talk to me...please, dont tell me anything like "he's a bad boyfriend" cuz he's really not, he just made a mistake....but it hurt and i dont think he really gets why it hurt...:(
i'm done with my rant now, sorry for making you guys suffer, you dont really have to read it, i know its long...
Ok Jane, I read the whole thing. Gosh that was long...haha. Well um...I'm not going to say he's a bad boyfriend (only because you asked). Buuuut, it sounds to me like he's TRYING to make you jealous since you are obviously expressing your feelings about him talking to these other girls and he still tells you about it. How long have you two been dating?
It's ok. Sometimes the best thing is to let it all out. :) Anyway, I'm in almost the opposite situation here. I have a friend whose name I will say is Alex. He's a guy, and we talk to each other all the time, but we both know that we're just friends. But my boyfriend (shall we say, Phillip) thinks that Alex is hitting on me. I know he's not and Alex knows he's not, but Phillip seems to think he is and he's kind of annoyed. I dont want to just stop being friends with Alex, but at the same time I want to do whatever will make Phillip happiest. I'm so confused!
But anyway, JaneCapelle, what I'm trying to say, and not that I dont know how you feel, but I'm just saying those girls are probably just friends. Nothing else. But he really should split his time between you and the others. After all, you are his gf....
ImperfectPerfection: thanks!...hehe sorry...irl i am super quiet but then on the computer i never shut up....just tell me if you want me to anytime, i'll understand...used to people not wanting to listen...but anyyway, well he isnt, he just made a mistake. Honestly, he's like the best boyfriend in the world, and even other people have said so. But he's not flawless, obviously. And.....i...i guess he could've been doing that. Especially the second time. And we've been dating for about 7 months. (well it will be 7 on Valentines Day)
Iamme11: yeah, thank you =) and ooooh i've been in that situation before (except that the guy really was hitting on me....bleh.) And well, i think that Phillip should know that if you say that Alex is just your friend, that's all he's gonna be. Nothing more. Phillip sounds.. insecure. I'll have to give you more advice later, since my brain isnt really working right now. :/
And yeah, some part of me knows they are, but...what if they become something more? i mean, if he was talking to them more than me, then what if he starts to like them, instead? I always worry about things like this....i guess its because i dont like myself, so it's hard for me to believe sometimes that he loves me...gosh it would take forever to explain to you what goes on in my head...
Oh, this is kind of irrelevant, but do you think that we should/could think of names to call each other, instead of our screen names?
I guess i'd be kind of excluded..."Jane" is already a name..:p
You mean real names or random names? Either way, I'll be Tessi! :) And Jane, by the way, Phillip is a bit insecure. Now that you mention it, that makes a lot of sense.....
Not real names, just, like, name names. lol. And okay! :P Tessi works! and o.O cool! i made sense when i was brain dead! :D and i'm glad i somewhat helped =)
ImperfectPerfection: You were the first one to "spit it out" so to say. Very commendable. And you're right, this thread has helped a lot of people (kinda), including me too!
Jane: I can't give very good relationship advice, but it sounds like to me that your boyfriend really is just talking to other girls, but I don't really know, since you mentioned his parents won't let him talk to any girl which confused me.
Everyone: So sorry I haven't replied for a while, but I have read all your posts. I'll try not to like give too many details and stuff about like when I had cut or if I did because I really don't want to trigger any of you, but I promise I'll ask for advice and stuff if I need it like you all did.
Also: On teenink I'm known as Rayyn. Some people call me Smiley in reference to the screenname "Smilethroughitall" (Except I'm not that now). I prefer Rayyn though.
Relationships: So my friend Alex (girl) and her boyfriend are trying to make me be attracted to her boyfriends best friend, Jared. Problem is I really don't like when people do that so it makes me really want to steer clear of Jared. It's not that he's a bad kid, just with Alex and her boyfriend trying to get us together it makes me more interested in this other kid in my health class (that Jared, Alex, AND me are in) called Hunter. He hasn't talked much to me yet though. Oh, and all these people sit in the general area of where I do.
I mentioned health class: Don't you just hate health class? Especially when we're talking about mental health and sh..it (excuse my language), like depression and anxitey and eating disorders and all that fun stuff. Oh, and coping skills, hooray! I really don't need to be lectured at about all this because all it does is make me really mad. Like so so mad. You know. Sorry this is so long, but I haven't been on in a while.
Sorry it's so clumped up too, I tried to make it spaced but I guess it didn't work.
O: :D SMILE!! err, RAYYN!! :D :D lol i missed you!
oohh, thank you for telling us about the name change, lol when i first saw it i was like "oh look! someone new commented in the thread!" but then you said it was you..:P XD
And yeah, about the relationship thing...but the thing was/is, he seems like he can talk to everyone in the world, except me :/ that's what hurt me the most.
And its okay :) and okay =) i'll be happy to give any advice! I like helping people! :D
Lol i'd be the same way XD (if you need advice>>) all i can tell you is just to tell them something like "could you guys please stop and let me find a bf on my own? I want to find someone that i like, not someone i'm being pressured to like. Okay? i'm sorry.." that's what i would do. But if you say it, say it like really nicely....
I havent had health class in like two years but i will next year...tho i do remember disliking health class when i did have it...the only thing good about it was that the teacher was/is really nice =) all we learned about was like AIDS and stuff. But health does sound.. excruciating XD
Well, I'm sure we'll get over mental health eventually. We're supposed to learn CPR this year, so I'm nervous about that but it would be better than what we're doing now haha.
Yeah, I'll see if they listen to me about the bf thing...hope so.
We dont have Health Class at my school (I go to a private school) but we just finished our "physiology block" which was basically the same thing. It was AWFUL!!!!
lol man i am gonna be in for it next year in high school when i have health...so much bad rap about it...XD
some people do it to remind themselves they can feel, that they arent just empty, some do it for the attention or because other people are doing it, some do it because they feel they need to get something out, some do it because the mental pain is to much and they need something to focus on-the physical pain, and some do it because its a call for help, they want someone to notcie and get them help
I just read all the comments on this thread, and well, here's my opinion on cutting, and why I hope you, along with the many others who do, will stop:
1) You guys are all amazing. With many of you, I've had great conversations and with the exceptions, from these posts, you still sound wonderful, and no one deserves the pain, no matter what you think.
2) I - and the rest of your real friends - care too much about you, and hate to see you get hurt.
3) Cutting doesn't actually help the problem, it just buries it under, essentially.
4) It may seem like you forget about other pain while cutting, but once you stop, everything'll come right back, and with a scratch (and maybe a scar later on) on top of that.
5) There are other ways to vent your feelings, if that's reason you do it - writing, creating art, playing music (I find wind instruments, specially brass, where you need lots of air, helps a ton)/singing, building something, starting a project, venting your problems verbally to you friends...
6) It is an ugly thing to do, to put it plainly.
7) Even if you don't want to believe it or feel like you don't deserve it, you DO deserve love, and you need to love yourself.
8) How would your parents feel, if they found out?
9) How would your friends, real ones, feel if they found out? (well, I can give you that - refer to number two)
10) If you're religious: Considering God, do you think He feels?
11) Are you proud of cutting? Does it make you wanna just yell out to the world, "Hey everyone, I cut!" I think not, seeing as most people hide their cuts.
12) The more you cut, the more it hurts, the more pain you have.
13) In the end, you'll feel worse, since you're still in pain from your scratches and then there's still your other problem(s)
14) I'll put it to you this way: would you want your kids cutting? Grandkids? Nieces? Nephews? Cousins? Friends?
15) On a similar note, how would you react it you found out your parents/grandparents/etc cuts, or used to cut?
16) What about when you go swimming?
17) As terrible as it is, people will and do judge, and will treat you differently.
18) I promise, you'll feel better if you stop. At first, if you quit, it might feel awful and you'll desperately want to start back up again, most likely, but if finally free yourself from the addiction, I swear, things'll feel much better.
19) Scars are ugly, again, plain and simple.
20) It's very easy to become infected, even if you do believe you take care of your cuts well.
21) Following up on the last one, with antibiotic-resistant infections becoming much more prevalent, you'll be much more susceptible.
22) You don't want to be hospitalized, do you? Whether it be for medical attention or put into a psychiatric ward
23) I don't want the possibility of you dying because of this.
24) Although it may not seem like it, many people DO care for and about you.
25) Whether you may realize it or not, people DO need and depend on you.
26) It's feels nice outside, spend your time out there instead. I love going out in the middle of the night and just laying on the grass, staring at the stars and listening to the sounds of midnight...
27) Again, although you may not know it, you are an influence to others, would you want them to cut as well?
30) Life is just too short.
31) Take your emotions out on a pillow instead.
32) So let's say you're trying to get away from the pain, that's what you want. Well, creating more pain isn't the solution.
33) To use a quote (can't remember who...) "Sometimes pain is not beauty. Sometimes, happiness is beauty."
34) Assuming you do clean your cuts afterwards, that takes so much time. And even if you don't, I doubt you leave your blades lying around.
35) I'm assuming most, if not all, of you have yet to tell your parents or most other people in real-life. Does lying to them make you feel good? I don't want to sound preachy, but again, if you're religious (I'm referring to Christianity this time), remember the ninth commandment.
36) You are stronger than that, I know it. Don't give in.
37) You have better things to be doing.
38) It's dangerous.
39) Cutting is an addiction. So is drinking, as well as smoking pot, doing crack, and such. Do you wanna be considered in the same category?
40) God put you in this world for a reason, and cutting wasn't one of them, I can guarantee you that.
41) Although it may certainly seem like it, nothing is ever bad enough where harming yourself is the best solution.
42) Many other people have gone through pain as much or similar to yours, and have been able to deal with it without cutting.
43) If you're feeling really angry, write it down on paper, describe why you're angry with as much details as possible. Then, when you're done, destroy it: tear it up into a million pieces, burn it, or whatever floats your boat.
44) Sleeping off the pain is not only healthier and makes you more relaxed (as opposed to cutting, which just makes you more agitated), but people won't judge you for it.
45) People who hear about your struggles, whatever they may be, will be amazed on how you were able to cope with it without cutting, and/or getting over cutting. But in order to do that, you have to quit cutting first.
46) Many employers want hire people they consider "unstable."
47) Now, you aren't unstable and deserve just as much of a chance as anyone else.
48) If you don't think you can do it, then just take off a week - or even a couple days - and see how it is. Even if it is hard, don't let that discourage you, because often the beginning is the worst part, actually.
49) You're life will change, quite literally.
50) I said this before, and I'll say it again: PEOPLE CARE!
51) For those who I've gotten to know, I've always seen you as strong people. Don't let that assumption down.
52) Suicidal thoughts may bubble up.
53) Again, I don't want you to die.
54) Similar to what Jane mentioned, what if I said I would start cutting myself, and wouldn't stop until you did?
55) If you haven't already, I really wish you would talk to someone about your problems. I care too much for you.
56) Don't be discouraged if you try to fix your problems in life and things don't work out immediately. Life will get better, even if it does seem to take its time.
57) I know - I've said this already, maybe even more than once, but I can't say it enough. I care too much about you, and can't stand seeing you in and going though pain.
Sorry if I repeated a lot of things, but again, I mean every word I say.