Teen Ink

Jun. 22, 2012 at 1:02 am

I love both of them! The second one is so dream-like, it almost transports the reader to a new world.  Could you possibly read my poem "Happy Birthday, Mom"? It's here in the forum!

Jun. 22, 2012 at 1:22 am

I love the theme throughout of the colors white--snow, winter, linens of white, snowflakes, birds disguised in cotton. That was a good touch. Are you planning on connecting these two poems into one poem? There are definitely some distinct tie-overs for each into the other. That way, it finishes out the first one with more length, more depth, more understanding for the reader, and a nice life cycle of girl and boy to maturing into our faces fading with age my darling. I like the whimsical, magical glow of both poems. Interesting choice on words like morn, o'er, and o'. Was this intentional? I like it but was just curious. Also, you might not want to repeat our faces in the second to last stanza. Our skin maybe on the last line of that stanza? And did you mean to say and our faces shall mingle with snowflakes in the first line of that stanza? Anyway, aside from that, I really loved these poems. I love the way you pull things in like the wind, lumber, snowflakes, bee, banks, and birds. It provides great and vivid imagery. The soar through God's linens of white is pure poetry. Really beautiful. Definitely a mystic magic beneath these words. Lovely work. :) Would you please comment on my poems titled the Girl, An Icy Touch, and Wizard of Words?

Jun. 22, 2012 at 9:39 am

Thanks and I'm about to go look at your stuff!!!!!

Jun. 22, 2012 at 9:53 am

InkWriter13, I coudn't find your poem titled: "THe Girl"

Jun. 22, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Not sure what happened with it, so I guess I will resubmit it. It is showing up in the My Work tab but not on my account when you click on my name... Could you look at In the Library instead of the Girl?

Jun. 22, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Sure thing!!!!!

Jun. 22, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Beautifully done on both! The first confuses me a little in the begining, is he dreaming of snow and a cold bed or waking to it? But im just being difficult, otherwise its great. The second i love your descriptions. I feel as if im there! I have no poems published, but my draft of a poem called "compromise" is on the forum under the thread title of "a poem im working on". Thanks!

Jun. 23, 2012 at 2:44 am

Thanks!!! I just commented on your post.

Jun. 23, 2012 at 12:43 pm

These are both very beautiful! The second one is the most stunning in my opinion. It gives the reader a calm feeling and I love how you repeated the line at the end, it gives it more depth. If you could check out my new poem in the forums, "Pulse", I would really appreciate it! :)

Jun. 23, 2012 at 6:24 pm

I thoroughly enjoyed both of these, the first one, I really liked the way you used the idea of dreams. And for the second one, you have great rhythm and rhyme, very nice vocabulary, it was very enticing, I loved it. If you wouldn't mind reading a poem or two of mine, I would greatly appreciate it

Jun. 24, 2012 at 9:47 am

Vidra, I commented on your post. Nice Job!!!!!

Jun. 25, 2012 at 2:20 am

bigblue, for some reason i cant access your account--it takes me to a page that say "error 404". If you post one of your poems on the forum or even below this comment, id be happy to take a look at it. Hope to read your work soon!!!!

Jun. 25, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Weird, works when I click on it, but oh well haha. 

Fire and Love

There's a love everlasting,
That burns deep within us.
An undying ember,
That neither water nor sand can quench.
And though we think the fire doused,
It can never be put out.
The fire is given,
As a gift.
Though sometimes we misgive,
And are hurt.
But every fire, has its fuel.
And each fire endures until its fuel is found.
Fire feeds off of fire.
That of another.
Sometimes the fire-fuel match is never found,
But the match still exists.
There is a fire-fuel match for all of us,
one that never dies.
And for every flame joined with another,
A bonfire arises.
And born from the ashes,
Rises a phoenix,
The emblem of life eternal.
The way of life eternal is 
Love.
Love,
and be loved.
Love with a fiery passion,
Forever.

Sept. 7, 2012 at 10:18 am

Both good! i realy like the 2nd one, your a very good wirter. (you can comment on any of mine)