I really think I like afar feelings the best too. i think what inspired this poem was forgivness. I know that sounds kind of weird, but when I was holding grudges against people these were the feelings I had to deal with. But when I decided to forgive tese people wh ohurt me then all of those feelings vanished. This poem is just kind of talking about how these feelings left. When I posted this poem in a collabrative forum I came with an alternative ending. Here I will post it below. In "I asked" I was having a very hard time figuring out a rhyme scheme. So in the end I just turned it into a free verse with a couple of lines that rhyme. I would have loved to add some better vocabulary, but it was hard for me to find words that would flow with the rhtym of the poem. My true purpose for "Classifed" was a haiku. I really couldent deal wit that 5 and 7 syllables thing though. So I just turned it into a short free verse. "The midnight castle" was kind of a representation of how people hide things from each other, and the pain it causes.
Here is the alternate ending for "Afar Feelings":
Depression and sorrow are far
they drove away in my car
with them traveled anger and pain
waving goodbye from the window pane.
On the northbound train travel
fear and abuse
they hitch a ride on the caboose.
The back to back flights are booked with
anxieties, and sob stories
the people ask me "are you okay?"
My mothers invisible hand comes to shoo them away
Grandma's arms envelope me
but I can't feel anything close to glee
I recall my mother's smile
but it's gone in the snap of a second
As she is judged by the ignorant people surrounding us.
Laughter also has gone. It is followed by joy and peace.
I must bid farewell to love and serenity, for they withdrawing from my company.
Some frown and say, "she's so different"
but I know that their only frightened.
These feelings are afar, but still remembered in my heart.
Which do you like better?
Hey,:) Could you cheak out my poem the sirens song? I would really apreciate it. I really need feedback and I want to get better so don't be afraid to be honest.
Sure, just so you know I will be brutaly honest lol
hey could you please comment and rate on some of my poems I would really appreciate the feedback. Thank you :)
Yup I can do that :)
Could you review/rate Tea and Coffee please? Thanks :)
I think I liked the first one, the other ending strays too far from the theme of personification. I mean, the transition was good but if you're going to use feelings and give them characteristics of people, I think it's best to see that throughout the whole poem so that it holds it together better. Loved I Asked. Could you rate some of my work?
Could you please check out one of my poems and let me know what you think? I'd really appreciate it (:
Yes I can check out everyones work.
could you check out my poem lost in the moment and comment or rate some of my other please
Yes Sure si fine whatever anytime okey dokey!
I like that poem!
That was really great!!!!!!!!
My poem Scars
I liked ur poem 'I asked' the most. i really appreciate ur rhyming skills. I think this poem should have had a happy ending. perhaps u could add someone who did give u the 'chance'.
Hey! can u check out my poem 'my mind' . pls be honest and give ur sincerest feedback. i would be obliged to you.
Sure! but I really didn't want the the poem to have a happy ending, to clihe if you know what I mean.
hey could u comment on mine pls, the link is http://teenink.com/poetry/all/article/535572/The-World-Is-Empty/ :) thanks
Yes of course!