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Home > Forums > Writers' Workshop Forums > Poetry & Lyrics > Hi, I'm new here! Please give feedback on my poem.

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Hi, I'm new here! Please give feedback on my poem.

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Crystal_Light posted this thread...
Jan. 18 at 9:10 am

Hello! I've just started to post things here, and I was wondering if any body would give me some feed back on a poem I wrote last night.
Behind those deep eyes
Contains a soul much more pure than mine
I try to get over it
But my mind and heart won’t quit
What was my plan of action?
Suffer in silence
Or let you know how I feel
I fill myself with false hope
But this is my problem
My mind is the pessimist
But my heart is the optimist
Constant battles of “what if” or “maybe if” plague my mind
I try to be rational
But my heart screams louder than my mind
All for one reason
My petty little heartbreak.

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RolledthestoneThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 18 at 1:47 pm

Honest opinion? It was okay. It needs work though, (excuse the rhyme), it doesn't really flow. I mean, it might when you read it but every poem should have a rhthym and I couldn't feel this one. Perhaps keep the lines shoter and repeat words as in "but my heart screams louder, louder than my mind." Just a suggestion, keep at it!

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RarelyJadedThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 2 at 12:44 am

Actually, I thought this was really good. I like the contrast between mind and heart and also how it flows nicely. Keep writing:)

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jetta.ckThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 2 at 2:46 pm

I really liked this! My favorite lines are about your mind and heart fighting over POV's of the world. I really like that concept. Great job.

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TomDuff replied...
Feb. 4 at 4:51 am

I really enjoyed reading this! I enjoy the contrast of your heart and mind very much as well! It provides a true viewpoint that I know many people, especially teens, face on a day to day basis! I just started posting on here as well! and in fact, I just made my threads today! I would appreciate anything you have to say about them!

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