Teen Ink
teenink
TeenInk "I'm a firm believer in Karma." - Emma Watson in Sofia Coppola's The Bling Ring featured at Cannes Film Festival... http://t.co/AtwVoR8xyT
Wed May 15, 2013 1:13pm Reply Retweet Favorite
TeenInk "If I fall asleep with a pen in my hand, don't remove it — I might be writing in my dreams." http://t.co/0FUP7fyJcB
Held captive to the devilish monster named Sin,
Dark and evil deep down within,
Its claws digging deeper inside his soul,
Hurting him worse than any mortal pistol,
Its fiery hot breath breathing down his neck,
Its stony evil eyes keeping him in check,
The rough rope wrapped around him,
Is keeping him a captive to his worst
Nightmare: Sin,
He screams in terror as he drowns,
Under the unbearable weight of Sin keeping him down,
His greatest dream is to one day be free,
But he’s too battered and weak,
The monster laughs and taunts him,
Saying, “Ha, you can’t get rid of Sin!”
But then that’s when the tables started to turn,
A grip confident and firm,
Grabbed and pulled this demon monster,
As it fiercely tried to push and wrestle,
And nailed it to the old rugged cross,
Then Jesus set free the young man that was lost,
And looked at him with eyes shining with love,
His touch as gentle as a dove,
And said, “Son, your strength comes from above.”
this was a good poem,though im not a very religiouse person.
Thank u 4 the feedback! Im glad u liked it.
This was very good, it actually made me kind of scared, lol:) but I thought it was very emotional too. As a Christian I relate to this very well, but I think anybody could find something to connect with in this poem, be it an addiction they can't shake or a bad habit in general. The only criticism would be that you repeat words like deep and sin and monster, when it is already clear what you're talking about. Your 15th line (sorry, I don't feel like writing it out!) kind of breaks the rhythm of the poem because suddenly the "monster" is reacting to the narrator of the poem, but overall this was very good! Would you read and comment on something of mine? Thanks!
