Wed May 22, 2013 8:48am 
Feb. 14 at 8:59 pm
On this I would really like to know what you 'see' when you read it... but of course other feedback is appreciated!
Back when I was
Young and stupid,
Before the time began
I sailed down
The Nile River
And stopped at South Sudan.
I rode the sun
To outer space,
Wishing on each star
To be forever
In this place,
Back in my days of yore.
I climbed a mountain
Of snow and ice
And then tobogganed down.
Had so much fun,
I did that twice.
It’s called Everest, I found.
Then I went
To Lake Baikal.
I stayed there for a while.
Six minutes it took to
Swim and swim,
Deep down 16 hundred miles.
I slid down the arctic slopes
And gazed up
At the sky.
Agleam with green and dancing,
A birthday party
Across the sky.
I froze the time
With my play
But it would be thawing soon.
So I took one
Last trip to Egypt
And buggied beyond the dunes.
I rode the sun
Back to my home
For my mom had called for dinner
Jumping off at
Lightning Lane
Arriving Faster than a spinner.
Feb. 16 at 12:37 pm
This enthralled me, but i can't really 'see ' much, perhaps because i take me time the intepreting, especially the last stanza seems pretty hazy to me. i liked the 5th last stanza, though. sometimes, the flow in the poem is breaking, as well. 3/5
and if you can, comment on some of my work?
Feb. 16 at 12:42 pm
I really liked this up until the very last stanza, which I didn't think fit with the rest of the poem. Your imagery is amazing, however, and it left me intrigued:). I have to agree with the comment above, I didn't really "see" anything (don't even really know what you mean by that) but I do know that I liked your poem! Would you look at something of mine, please? :)
Feb. 17 at 2:56 pm
thank you! I will keep working on it. And sure, I'll look at you guys' work
