Teen Ink
teenink
TeenInk How would you rearrange this old cliche? "You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar" http://t.co/xTNZxcKYxK
Fri May 24, 2013 10:17am Reply Retweet Favorite
TeenInk "Thinking is the best way to travel." - The Moody Blues http://t.co/5jzE5kVJyB
Thu May 23, 2013 10:55am Reply Retweet Favorite
TeenInk If this is the ending of the story, what is the beginning? http://t.co/gRzPosYXRi
The cave scenes were really well-paced, and now that I know Randall's character, I have to say I read the fight scene with the dogs all wrong. Now I know he's supposed to talk a lot lol. Is this story available somewhere in its full form? It's really good
(Aww, thanks, Maya. Unfortunately, it isn't quite written yet. I'm working hard on it though and I'm planning to get it published when it's done. I have a long way to go, but when I have a finished manuscript, I'll probably put more exerpts on here.
And sorry for the long wait time. I was on literary hiatus and I pretty much stopped doing everything connected to my book so I could get enough space to figure things out. Now that I'm back in action, I'll try to post some more pieces as soon as I can.)
Jakson slid through the secret door followed by Sawyer. He could see Hunter slashing out at the darkness. Either the dragon had gotten loose or he was battling with Stryker. Two figures almost invisible in the darkness jumped at each other, bouncing off of walls and grabbing for each other. The dark humanoid masses tumbled over each other on the floor.
Jakson’s gun was immediately unholstered, but he still couldn’t shoot. His target was unclear.
“Shoot!” Sawyer demanded.
“Which one?” Even if he could tell them apart in the dark, he didn’t know what he was aiming at. His loyalties no longer lied with Stryker, but if he killed Stryker he’d be helping the person who’d tried to murder him only hours earlier.
Stryker grabbed Hunter by the throat and raised him from the floor. Jakson’s barrel aimed at first one and then the other. Hunter struggled, kicking and gasping for air, then collapsed.
Sawyer ripped the gun from Jakson’s hand and shot Stryker.
Stryker turned on Sawyer and approached menacingly. “Fool. Did you really think that you could kill me.”
“Worth a shot,” Sawyer shrugged to himself and dropped the gun, dashing for the ladder to the exit.
Stryker dashed after him, his fingertips ready to grab Sawyer if only he could reach.
Jakson slid through the secret door followed by Sawyer. He could see Hunter slashing out at the darkness. Either the dragon had gotten loose or he was battling with Stryker. Two figures almost invisible in the darkness jumped at each other, bouncing off of walls and grabbing for each other. The dark humanoid masses tumbled over each other on the floor.
Jakson’s gun was immediately unholstered, but he still couldn’t shoot. His target was unclear.
“Shoot!” Sawyer demanded.
“Which one?” Even if he could tell them apart in the dark, he didn’t know what he was aiming at. His loyalties no longer lied with Stryker, but if he killed Stryker he’d be helping the person who’d tried to murder him only hours earlier.
Stryker grabbed Hunter by the throat and raised him from the floor. Jakson’s barrel aimed at first one and then the other. Hunter struggled, kicking and gasping for air, then collapsed.
Sawyer ripped the gun from Jakson’s hand and shot Stryker.
Stryker turned on Sawyer and approached menacingly. “Fool. Did you really think that you could kill me.”
“Worth a shot,” Sawyer shrugged to himself and dropped the gun, dashing for the ladder to the exit.
Stryker dashed after him, his fingertips ready to grab Sawyer if only he could reach.
I'm really loving this story! The characters' personalities seem really well developed.
I notice one thing, though; many of your sentences (especially at the beginning of paragraphs) begin with the character's name. Try varying your sentence structure a bit more!
(Thanks, Rains, I hadn't noticed that. : ))
