The Twilight Series has dominated our lives for so very long. We’ve read the books, seen the movies, heard the screaming girls, and even, if we’re lucky, seen Robert Pattinson from three miles away.

So, let’s answer some of the key questions:
What happens in the Twilight Series?
1.
Bella falls in love with Edward, a vampire, but for some reason is also in love with Jacob, a werewolf.
2.
Various other vampires, for different reasons, attempt to kill Bella and Edward for no apparent reason (but don’t worry, this isn’t the main part of the book, it’s a side thing.)
And, yes, dear readers, it took four giant books to write out this plot. Why? Your guess is as good as mine.
Another frequently asked question: Why do girls scream so much at the movies of Twilight?
The answer: Taylor Lautner is almost always shirtless, and—God himself has come down from heaven!—we may be able to see a bit of Robert Pattinson’s shoulder. Yes, this is tween porn.

Stephanie Meyer also has an interesting dictionary. Here are a few excerpts:

Stalking=cute.
Control freak=hot.
Mindless and incapable of movement= women.
Vampire=sparkles.
Good acting=Kristen Stewart (here, I’ll give Meyer the benefit of the doubt and say she didn’t hire Stewart instead of calling her insane.)
A book= An endless amount of pages with no content that attempt to bore one to death.

The point that Stephanie Meyer is attempting to tell all 13-year-old girls in the world:

a.
Your life revolves around your boyfriend.
b.
Go to bed with the first guy that professes his love for you (personally, I think that anyone willing to sit through these movies for their girlfriend is professing their undying love.)
c.
College has absolutely no importance. Neither does school. Just fail; chances are you’ll have a vampire boyfriend who will conveniently be rich. You’ll be wondering if you’re going to get eaten everyday, but you’ll have a Porsche so it evens out.

All those girls out there: You got that? Write it down, it’s some excellent life advice. We thank you, Stephanie Meyer, for unleashing an epidemic of stupidity on the already intellectually-dull tween girls.