I look down, the magenta phone in my hand with the glowing bright screen. The words go fuzzy from the tears in my eyes. My best friend, gone in the blink of an eye after a pointless lie she decided to say. I was surprised that I didn’t see a knife in my stomach, for that was what I felt. I would wish no one this pain, not even the worst of worst people. That moment, that millisecond in time, I had learned something that I could not understand in the beginning but until this awful experience was over.

“Biggest pet peeve?” I asked this to Courtney while we were playing the question game, even though we knew everything about each other.
“I don’t really know, what about you?” she mumbled. She wasn’t fully focused on the conversation because her mind was elsewhere.
“I would probably say lying,” I decided.

I came back into reality after remembering this conversation we had only weeks before. It was the 29th of November, the weather was finally cooling down. There was something in the crisp cool air, that made everyone realize winter was finally here. It was a normal Tuesday morning of my eighth grade year. I went to the band room like I did every morning. I walked in not prepared for the news. My best guy friend had a girlfriend. It was a bittersweet moment. I was happy because he finally got what he wanted, but I was upset for I honestly had wished it was me. There was only one problem, he wouldn’t tell me who. Before the bell had rung, I went up to Courtney and my other friend.
“He has a girlfriend!” I exclaimed although you could hear the hint of sorrow escape my voice.

“I know, I am so happy for him. Are you okay though?” She confirmed, because she knew that I had liked him.

“Ya I am used to it, and he deserves to be happy with the girl,” I told, even though there was a bitter taste of sadness in my mouth while the words spilled out.

The melancholy bell had rung, and together, we strolled to class.

“So do you know who his girlfriend is?” I questioned.

“No, but I was told she was in our class.”

Our first, second, and third classes were with the same people. So I had realized that I had three classes with this girl. For the first three classes, I wasn’t focused. I was processing who it could be. I eliminated about half of the girls on whether he knew them or not. I could not figure it out though. We were in third period, math class. We were learning about problem solving proofs. I was trying to piece this problem together and then it hit me.

“Courtney, are you dating him?” I muttered.

“No, I would tell you if I am,” she defended.

I let it go. I still was processing, and none of it had made sense. I went through the next three classes trying to focus. I was absolutely gutted at the fact that I could not figure this out. Finally six period ended, and as usual I headed to the robotics room, my safe haven during lunch. I was trying to figure out who it was, but I was stumped. I was thoroughly convinced it was Courtney but she insisted it wasn’t. The guy was useless and would not tell us anything. His best friend was not even allowed to know. His best friend and I kept thinking after the guy left. Then Courtney came in. His friend and I kept on asking her if they were going out.

“We are not going out! Can you please stop?” she exclaimed. She left the room because of us. The same melancholy bell had rung. I dragged myself to seventh period. I had just made my best friend mad at me. I had felt really bad. Eighth period finally came and thats when I apologized to Courtney.

“I am sorry, it was just the only thing that had made sense.”

“It’s fine,” she claimed. We walked away to our P.E. numbers, and I didn’t see her for the rest of the day.

12:14, the day was finally over. I had to walk to piano that day. I did not really walk though, it felt as if I was limping to piano, trying to carry my body up but ready to collapse onto my knees. I finally made it. I sat down and rested my hands gently on the piano. I played away. The music, the playing of the piano, let my soul escape from the cage of burden it was trapped in. For the mere thirty minutes my soul escaped, but it very soon ended. Once it was over, I had wished it lasted for eternity. The reality in coming back to the real world felt like it had ruined my life.

I had to go home and get ready so my mom could take me to cheer. I got ready and we left. I was super jittery and frustrated, but I had to put those feeling aside. Our first competition was this weekend and we had to win. Finally the long wilting two hours of practice were over. I went home and got cleaned up. I went to bed with questions running as fast as a cheetah through my head. The answer I had been searching for was still not in my grasp, but it soon would be.

I woke up on the last day of November, to be specific, Wednesday, November 30, 2011. I could tell something was wrong with my whole group of friends. I continuously asked what was wrong but they said nothing.

“I guess you are just not feeling good today” I thought to myself. The day slowly dragged on. At 2:04 I was able to go home. I again slumped all the way home. I had finally made it through the door and the fresh air and sweet candle smell came rushing to my face. I carried my backpack to the long green coach, in the empty house, where no one was. As I sat down this coach felt like heaven. I slowly opened my bag, and pulled out my homework. Then I grabbed my computer, and my phone. I was plugged in, blasting music to the point where the high notes sounded like screeching. I was fully in my homework mode, and trying not to be distracted. I still couldn’t fully get my mind off of the fact that it seemed like everyone knew something, everyone but me. I finally finished my homework. I was still thinking who it was, but why did I want to know? I figured out that I wanted have closure, since I couldn’t have the guy, at least the other girl could.

The house was still silent, no one had come home. It was me, myself, and I. I decided to do what I usually do, watch T.V. and go on the computer. I decided to go on Facebook, the usual routine. I opened it up and logged in. The first thing I saw was a post from Courtney. The post had said, “He totally made my night <3 :)”. This made me suspicious. I pulled out my phone as quick as if my life depended on it, and texted her.

“So what was your post about?”

“Oh nothing me and him were just texting”

“Courtney I’m going to ask you one more time, and please, for me, do NOT lie to me. Are you and him going out?” There was a long pause, or what seemed like a long pause. The span of only about 2 minutes seemed like a lifetime.

“How did you know?” The text that sent me into tears after two days of holding it together. I felt like I looked back down at the magenta phone in my hand with the glowing bright screen. The words now fuzzy from the tears in my eyes. I was surprised when I looked down that I did not see blood rushing from where I felt a knife. At that moment, I had realized that one little lie had just torn my friendship apart. I had also started to realize what trust and lying can do to a relationship.

I could not continue texting her, and I waited till the next day. That night was the longest night of my life. The next day I saw her, all I felt was disgust. I dragged myself over there, but I needed to ask her one more thing before I could have closure.

“Why did you lie to me?” I demanded. I could tell by the look of her once glossy brown eyes, that she knew she had done something wrong.
“I didn’t want to distract you from your cheer competition.” You could tell she was in pain, and in a way I wish she wasn’t in pain, but I could not stop it my own pain I was feeling. It also didn’t change I hurried away because I did not know whether she was telling the truth or not. As I was walking away, I realized that I was not mad because she got the guy, but that she lied and broke our trust. To me, the three years of trust we built together, was torn apart within seconds of lies. It was hard to get through that day, that week, even that month. I had four classes with her and it was hard to avoid it.

I did win the cheer competition, we got first place and grand champions. I think I did in a weird way, she helped me win. The drive of proving her wrong, pushed me to work harder so that I was sure I could. To this day it is hard for me to talk to the girl I once called my best friend. I gave her one more chance at keeping the blossoming friendship we once had, and she failed to prove herself to keep and gain my trust again. As for the guy, we got into a huge fight, and then got over it. We ended up going separate roads though, and now we barely can say hi to each other without the silence we once never knew. I realized that I got more out of the fight than I had lost though. I got a new best friend, a new perspective on life and people, and it made me who I am now.

Not until this year have I realized what this event really did for me. I am now stronger and wiser. Most people would think that the lesson of this was to learn the importance of trust. Really this lesson taught me how to be stronger and how there is not a big difference between the power of trust and the power of a lie. They both are very important whether negative or positive. The only difference is trust can build up and make relationships better, and a lie can tear all of the work down in a matter of seconds. Maybe one day I will be able to see her and call her my friend again. Who knows, maybe one day she will be my best friend again. But for now, she and I will both have to live with the actions and choices that we had made during the cold December week. Whether it was right or wrong, the past can never be changed, the friendship could never be the same, and the feeling will never fade away.