Finding The Gray Area
I can’t find the gray area.
I’m a failure at recovering from my eating disorder. That’s the realm with no speck of light to be seen. Black.
I’m a failure at losing enough weight, starving myself to the bone. That’s the realm where every mistake I make will mark, and trying to erase only reminds you that it will never be or look like it used to. White.
Professionals call this ‘all-or-nothing thinking’, or even ‘black-or-white thinking’. It’s very common in the eating disorder world. Or even the general population, for that matter. It’s easy to isolate myself into that eating disorder world. I have to remind myself that I’m part of the real world, too. When I consider how much the world – with all its people and trends and snide remarks – contributed to my eating disorder, I get an urge to brush away those reminders.
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