I remember the exact look on his face, my exact feelings and thoughts at that moment. I remember everything. When his brown eyes met mine I nearly looked away, but he held me there holding me like a victim under a trance.
"Hey… I like you… Like I really do, not just saying it. I didn’t realize it until recently." I made to interrupt him there, unable to believe that this was happening. He gently put that did it. If it wasn't enough he was holding my hands and standing barely a foot away, that did it; my heart raced with the blood pumping through my body. I had to stay focused; was this really happening? I've liked him since I was little and now, he's honestly asking me to be with him? I couldn't believe it! But I had to stay calm. So I let myself relax and smiled a very sweet smile.
“Are you serious, I swear if this is some kind of game I will never forgive you.”
“No I’m serious. I love you. It took me too long to realize it I know, but I do.” He leaned down and kissed me.
He had the sweetest kiss. We sat there, for hours, talking and kissing, holding hands and snuggling. When he left that night I could barely wait until I saw him again. The thing is, I didn’t see or talk to him for days. I'd lye in my bed wondering if that just happened. Was I really dreaming? Did I just make it up because I wanted him so bad? The days in school were a blur and the world around me seemed mystical. He disappeared, again.
You see, I had liked him forever. I had always tried to get with him but it never worked. Right when I got the slightest hint he like me, even a little, the slightest hint of a chance he'd ask out another girl and ignore me for months. Then, he would come back; I would be happy, and it would happen again. He would disappear, and I couldn't stop thinking about him; I never could stop thinking about him. It was a vicious cycle, in a never ending loop.
That night he told me he wanted to be with me but always feared my parents or brother telling him to stay away. I don’t know why my family loved him more than me most of the time, even still, I didn't care. I wanted him. He always thought I was cute, he just was afraid to get close, closer than we were. I was the only one that made him nervous or stutter. He didn't understand how I could do that and not anyone else. he did the same to me.
Once again like every other time I thought he was finally serious, he took off and went back to her disappearing all over again. Like magic, he calls me. "Can i come over?" He asks as though no time has gone bye, as though he hadn’t broken my heart… again.
He knew I would take him back, we both knew. "Of course!" When he appeared at my door, I had that same, turning feeling in my gut that I got, when he'd show up and my front door, when we were kids. Nothing changed, it never would. Life was like a cruel, never ending loop. One day, I thought solemnly, we will have our chance.