An average man attempting to enter a foreign country is stopped by the police on the way in. As he pulls over, he glances at his speedometer, noticing that he is well within the speed limit, and that his car is in perfect condition. When the officer walks up, the man makes his confusion known.

“Sir, I didn’t notice anything wrong with my driving, could you explain why I was pulled over?” The officer tilts his glasses to the end of his nose and glances the man up and down with a snarl.

“You’re not from around here, are you?”

“Why, no, is there some law I was unaware of?”

“No, no, you just looked suspicious driving that car, is it yours?” The man leans out of his window and again, sees its perfect condition.

“No, this is mine.”

“In this country, most people don’t have such good cars.” The man thinks for a moment before replying.

“Would you recommend switching it out at a dealership for a more rundown one?” The policeman shakes his head.

“Here, people with run-down cars are seen as thugs.” Confused, the foreign man tilts his head and asks again.

“But you just said that good-looking cars are suspicious, how could bad cars look the same?” The cop shrugs.

“Buddy, I don’t write the rules, I enforce them. While you’re out finding a better car, you might want to get some new clothes.” The man in his nice and neat car looks down at his nice and neat suit.

“How could this be inappropriate? I’m headed to a conference.”

“Well, those clothes flaunt your money, you could get robbed.” The man blinks and offers a new suggestion.

“Should I have worn a hoodie in jeans instead?”

“Not in a good idea, we could mistake you for a robber.”

“I have a tank top I could wear if that would help.” The policeman shakes his head again.

“No, you can’t show too much skin here, it’s offensive and provocative. You’re also skinny, I’ve noticed.” Exasperated, the foreigner tries again.

“You would rather I be fat? What’s wrong with being skinny?”

“People will be concerned that you’re malnourished, I’ve seen some people in this country force feed others. Of course, don’t gain any weight either, or people here will laugh at you and take your food away.” Slightly horrified, the man continues his barter.

“Suppose I were to gain muscle, is that a good solution?” The policeman sighs, bored of this conversation.

“Look, you have muscle, you have to give up your brains, and if you’ve got a shred of brains left you’ll get beat by the guys with the muscle. Know anything about electronics and it counts the same. Stay inside, and you’re a pale nerd. If you’re too tan, it’ll look like you faked it! Your hair is too long, it makes you look homeless, but don’t cut it too short, because then you’ll look too lazy to care for it. You could stand for some facial work as well, but don’t try too hard.” The man throws his hand up into the air and yells.

“This is completely ridiculous! In my country, no one addresses me like this, especially not the law enforcement!” The policeman leans on the man’s nice and neat car.

“We have standards here, in my country.”

“Well, they’ve doubled on themselves. I’m starting to feel like an average woman!”