Lost Thoughts | Teen Ink

Lost Thoughts

February 26, 2015
By AEDTFI BRONZE, Nyack, New York
AEDTFI BRONZE, Nyack, New York
2 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Whatever you are physically...male or female, strong or weak, ill or healthy--all those things matter less than what your heart contains. If you have the soul of a warrior, you are a warrior. All those other things, they are the glass that contains."


Chapter 1- Crash and Burn
     I was doing homework in my bedroom when a sharp pound hit the door three times. Mother dropped her knitting needles and yellow yarn, the sharp clatter startling us all even more. Father was already up, peeking ever so slightly through the curtains. I look out the door of my bedroom, barely thinking of what this could lead to.
    "Get your brother and hide in the basement." Mother whispered to me, her warm brown eyes frozen with fear. I dropped my pencil and ran up the rickety stairs to find my twin.
    He was asleep in his room, so peaceful. Probably dreaming of being a doctor. The stupid boy only ever cared for the mysterious power of healing. He said he wanted to move to the USA and learn their ways, but he would’ve had to take the whole family. That would have arisen suspicion, as if we were Jews going into self-imprisonment.
    "Aaron." I hissed to him. Aaron simply mumbled and turned onto his side. I groaned and I threw one of the rock hard pillows he had. He groaned and sat up. His short brown hair stuck up at random angles and there was dried drool trailing beneath his bottom lip.
   "What is it, Naomi?" He asked, rubbing his eyes and yawning. I gritted my teeth, petrified of what could possibly happen if the Nazis caught Aaron and I.
    I tug at his hair. "We need to go to the basement." I whispered. That woke him up immediately. He stumbled onto his feet and looked at me with his dark brown eyes.
    "Then let's go!" He whispered loudly. It's like he's drunk or something, so ---- clueless. I sighed and grabbed his sleeve, dragging him along. He stumbled for proper footing, making loud thudding noises. I swear, I would’ve smacked some sense into him if my fingertips weren’t numb.
    I could hear Mother with her calming serene voice trying to convince the German soldiers that... that Aaron wasn't home? Why would they only want Aaron? I shake my clouded mind away as Aaron and I tiptoed down the stairs.
    "Da ist er!" One shouted as Aaron and I quietly walked down the stairs. We froze in spot. They had my father at gunpoint and my mother was in hysterics, tears streaming down her face as she was held  back by a young soldier.
    "Das schmutzige Junge kommt jetzt mit uns! Oder der Vater bekommt eine Kugel in den Mund!" The same soldier shouts at us. They were going to shoot father if Aaron didn’t come. No, no, this couldn’t be happening. Aaron can’t go, but father can’t die. I can’t lose my family.
    Aaron brushed away my hand and looked into my eyes, he was finally awake, but flickers of fear and grief played along his multi-shaded eyes. If I was a boy or he was a girl, we would’ve been identical. Except for the small scar on his left eyebrow, deforming the perfect line.
    He smiled softly to me. “Take care of mama and papa for me.” He whispered, tears sparkling in his eyes. I knew what he was about to do, and I couldn’t stop him.
    “No, Aaron no.” I said, a strong plea within my tone, clinging on tightly to him. He gently unclasped my fingers from the thin material on his sleeve and walked to the soldiers. It seemed as if everything was going in slow motion, Aaron’s steps suddenly slow and precise, Mother’s screams muted to my ears.
     Everything was blurred due to the burning tears in my eyes and my throat closing up, I couldn’t make any noise except for a small whimper. I watched as the soldiers cuffed my dearest brother’s wrists together. He didn’t even resist, barely budging except for trying to soothe my mother’s tears by whispering goodbye and saying encouraging phrases. That just made my mother sob even more.
     One of them drove the butt of their rifles into the back of my father’s head, causing him to crumple to the ground. Just because they’d rather knock him senseless than let him get up, they feared he would fight back. Savages, they are savages who thrive off the pain and misery of those whom they consider weak. I am not weak, and neither is Aaron.
Chapter 2- Revive and relive
    I sat on my bed, stone-still and tears trickling down my cheeks. Aaron was gone, I was never going to hear his silly remarks, or makeup diseases that I would believe I had. I wouldn’t have my toast snatched away from my hands in the morning or have a shoulder to cry on when I had troubles on my mind. Yes, I did yell and fight with him, I was always jealous of his good marks. But he was my brother, he was my twin. I loved him so much, and I would do anything just to hear his voice again. Just one more time.
    He was going to be a soldier. He was recruited by force, and he was going to fight in a war he didn’t even believe in. My family and I frowned upon the ways of Hitler, my father would become furious every time Hitler and the Nazis took over another nation. This world was slowly falling into a filthy german way of life.
    A sudden surge of pure fury pulsed through my veins. The scalding tears streamed even faster down my face. I stood up shakily on my bare feet, pacing back and forth.
    “WHY HIM?!” I screamed over and over, pounding my heel into the ground. “IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME!” I shrieked, my hands pulling at my thick curly hair.
     A photo of Aaron and I on our fourteenth birthday lays on my dresser. I was stupid enough to pull my hair back in a ponytail, making Aaron and I looking like clones except for our clothes and his scar. I shakily picked up the picture, as if it was glass in my thin fingers. Droplets of salty tears splash upon the yellowing paper.
    I collapse onto my bed, my knees buckling with a sudden wave of weakness. I failed Aaron, I could’ve saved him, I COULD HAVE SAVED HIM! I should’ve had faster reflexes, or..or hid us in his closet instead of being so stupid in thinking that we could have sneaked past German Soldiers. How the ---- was I suppose to sneak past FREAKING GERMAN SOLDIERS?!
    I stare at the picture, for some reason thinking it's the answer to all of my problems. All I can see is Aaron's bright smile and mine matching it.
    Matching... Matching... We match. If he had long hair or if I had short hair, we would be clones. That's it! I can save him!
    I look outside my bedroom window and I see that the sun is going to set soon. The soft oranges clashing against the rich violets in a war for placement. I need a plan and I need it now. I know Magdeburg is very close to the Elbe river, so I just need to follow the young river south till I meet where the German border meets the Czech Republic border.
   Looking around, I know I need to wear warm clothes. But I also need to look like a man if I want to save Aaron. Tears mist my eyes again, am I really willing to do this? I know I'm pretty much committing suicide. I'm never going to fall in love. I'm never going to finish school. I'm going to lose everything I've ever had. Except... Except my family. By doing this, they'll all be fine. They'll all live.
    I sigh quietly and I go into my bathroom. I look around for what I need. The picture was still in my hand, it was the source of my courage right now. I find a pair of shears and I stand in front of my mirror. I looked so much more older with the worry lines forming around my red, puffy eyes.
   With trembling fingers, I cut off the long length of my soft brown hair. The strands fell down in clumps around my feet. I kept cutting and cutting until my hair was barely half an inch long. I open my eyes and I look in the mirror. I didn't see Naomi Amsel anymore. I no longer saw the beautiful girl who took pride in her beauty, no.
    I only saw the boy I watched give up his own life to save his family's. And I am willing to save that boy by being him.
Chapter 3- Planning and Acting
   I went into Aaron's bedroom, though it did bring tears to my eyes. I grabbed one of his shirts from his messy closet and I threw it over the one I was wearing currently. I threw on his pants over mine. I never realized how thin he was until now. I guess it worked to my advantage.
   I zipped up a jacket on and I sat down on the edge of his bed as I laced his second pair of boots on. These were his school boots when we went to Hitler Youth. He took great care of these and I know they'll help me. The strong leather weighs down my feet slightly, but I managed to walk without tripping.
   Mother and my unconscious father were probably asleep by now. I wanted to say goodbye, but I knew they would try and stop me. I couldn't have that happen now.
   I look around one last time, he would be sleeping in this bed by tomorrow morning. He would bound down the stairs that groan from his weight. He would live a good life and grow old with the memories of his life.
   I sigh and I step out of the bedroom. I folded the picture and placed it in my pocket, making sure I could always remember who I love. Quietly making my way down the steps, I knew this would be the last time I saw my family.
  Once I was down the steps, I grabbed my wool hat, scarf and gloves. Aaron would need these when he comes back. Nighttime in Magdeburg can be frigid.
   I hopped onto my bike and literally pedaled to the metal. I needed to get to the river and go south as quick as possible. The train will be leaving soon and I need to get Aaron out.
  The howling of the sharp wind and the blood pounding in my ears were the only things I heard as I cycled. My thighs were burning with fatigue, but I bit the pain back. I hid in the shadows when I could, my dark clothes making it easy for to blend within the darkness.
   The wind snapped against my face like a buckets of ice water, I lost feeling in my lips and nose a while ago. My ears were blocks of ice that weighed my head down. The gloves did nothing for my fingers as they froze to the handles, but I barely noticed. My motions were still fluid and speedy because all I could see was Aaron’s arrogant smile.
    Along the side of the dirt road, I saw a dead boy. His dark curly brown hair hung limply in front of his young, chubby face. A Star of David was painted on the back of his shirt... With his own blood. My breath caught in my throat when I saw the little boy, he couldn't have been more than 6. His yellow arm band was nearby, just out of his reach. He was Jewish, and this is how a young child is treated just because of his religion?
    A few tears slid down my face, I wanted to just pick that little boy up and bring him to his home. But Aaron was soon leaving, hopefully he'll see the little boy and do the right thing. Aaron always does.
    I found the river and I tried pedaling even harder, I couldn’t stop now when I was only half way there. The dark, frozen water kept sloshing against the shore, and if the waves were high enough, they would crash against my boots. The frigid water infiltrated the tight leather and soaked my thick socks. It felt like needles were stabbing against my feet.
  “I’m coming Aaron. I’m coming.” I whisper hoarsely. My energy was slowly fading away, my cycling was slowly declining in speed. I kept calling for Aaron, his name giving me small sparks of energy.
   A rock was caught in the front wheel, causing the whole front of my bike to come to a hault. I was slingshotted through the air, the wind even more crisp and frosty as I flail my arms around, desperate for something to cling onto.
   Stars exploded in the back of my eyes when I made contact with the frozen ground. My entire left side of my body was throbbing numbly, rendering my arm and leg useless for the most part. The fatigue was even stronger as I laid on the hard dirt. I could just give up, close my eyes and it will all be better. I smiled giddily to myself, giving up sounded like paradise. Aaron would soon be with me, after all the work camps would kill him soon enough.
   But what about mother and father? They would lose both of their children in under 24 hours, they needed Aaron. I needed to make them happy, I had to.
   A small groan escaped my mouth as I got to my feet. The numbness was slowly sapping away, making me sore and stiff. I swayed with the wind, no strength left in me to ground myself.
   My bike skidded into the lake, so I had to walk. I could see the dim lights of the train station near. I wasn’t hallucinating, I know it. I stumbled on my frozen toes to the train station, I stumbled to my death.
Chapter 4- Conceal and Replace
    It was when I was within 10 meters of the train station when I saw the german soldiers. There were two of them, walking lazily with their rifles strapped to their shoulder. They spoke quietly to one another, laughing and chortling as the patrolled the building. I narrow my eyes at one of them. The shade of blue in his eyes and the bleach blonde hair seemed vaguely familiar.
   That is how I get to Aaron. That is it. I stripped off my gloves, hat and scarf and I stuffed them into a hollow log. I would direct Aaron to come here when he runs. I hastily ran my frozen fingers through my short hair to give the look of distress. I was already covered in dirt, so now I could enact my crappy plan.
   I pretended to be running the other direction, streaking past them quite noticeably. I heard shouts, calling after me. I hid an insane smile as I “attempted” to run as fast as I could. The soldiers caught up to me and one drove the butt of his rifle into my shoulder blade. I cried out in pain and I fell to the ground. The other picked me up by the collar of my shoulder. My guesses were correct, the boy was Aaron’s best friend, Sam. It was obvious that he was trying to remain discreet, but he was silently apologizing to me, like the coward he is. I sneered coldly at him.
   “Take him to his train cart. And make sure he gets a glimpse of what could happen if he runs again.” The other soldier growled as he looks at me. I set my jaw and spat on his boot. He backhanded me across my face, it felt like a whip striking against my cheek.
   “Yes sir.” Sam salutes him and drags me towards the train station. I dragged my heels into the ground to try and restrain.
    “I will shoot you, Naomi.” Sam snapped as he dragged me. All of the color drained from my face as I released my grip on the frozen earth. He continued to drag me.
    “Naomi is at home.” I said as deep as I can. Sam laughs shortly. He’s known Aaron and I too long for me to trick him. I sighed and started to walk. We are reaching the building very quickly now. The bland stones and dusty beige seemed more deadly than they actually look. 
    “Whatever the ---- you think you can achieve here is reckless. You should’ve stayed home.” He said. I shake my head and I set my jaw again.
    “Aaron is going home. You have to help me. He and I are going to swap. You need to lead him out of the train station.” I said to him in a strong tone. Sam sighed and unconsciously rubbed his arm.
    "This is useless, Naomi. They'll soon find out you did this and they'll kill your entire family in revenge." Sam tried to argue. But I knew that wasn't the case. As young children, we were taught only a few big lessons in Hitler Youth. One of which was that we were to always tell the Nazis about everything. Even if we were tattling on our loved ones, our country was much more important than actual love. Sam is willing to kill off my family just because I am going against the law and saving my brother.
   I didn't voice my thoughts because he was my only way to Aaron. "I don't care. Just take me to Aaron." I snapped, looking towards the train carts. I could see the sad, young boys in them. Some were even crying. I couldn't take it.
   Sam lead me to the last cart, which was probably the most empty. "The trains leave in three minutes." He said officially, standing guard. I could've kissed him right then and there, but there was no time for that as I climbed into the cart.
    "Aaron." I hiss quietly, trying to pinpoint where he was. I hear a sharp intake of a breath right behind me.
     "N-Naomi?" A familiar voice called. The scratchy drags of body limbs could be heard as Aaron scrambled to stand up. He walked towards me and he gasped again when he saw me. 
     There was a silence between us two, looking at one another one last time. He knew exactly why I was here and I knew exactly what he was going to do.
     He gently placed his hand on the side of my face. Aaron was always the kinder one out of the two of us. He always reacted first whenever someone was hurt or sad. I envied him for his willingness to help.
     "Who's the dummer boy now?" He joked lightly. I always called him stupid, and he always laughed and called me silly. It was our joke, our thing that only us two got.
     "Still you." I whispered before hugging him tightly. He hugged back just as tightly.
      It was the train whistle that broke us apart. "Take care of mother and father for me." I whispered before shoving him out of the train car. I couldn't have him making second decisions. I couldn't fail now, after I've gotten so close. I heard him call a faint reply over the harsh train whistle.
      Sam lead Aaron into the shadows just as more German soldiers came marching up to the station platform.
       "Time to go!" One of the older soldiers sneered. One by one, the doors were being slid shut. The last thing I saw before the doors closed was the toothy grin of the soldier, and... And Aaron in the distance, scrambling up the hill. He found the gloves and hat, he was wearing them.
         He looked back and saw the train door closing. He had the saddest expression one man could ever have. He waved goodbye to me, but before I could wave back the doors were slammed shut.
Epilogue
So now I sit, and I wait. I wait for any hint of civilization as the traces of moonlight glimmer through the small cracks on the ceiling. It's a little warmer in here, but it is not relaxing in anyway.
I sit in the corner Aaron recently occupied. I can still smell him, his faint traces of cinnamon and nutmeg. Curling up in a tight ball, I close my eyes, dreaming of swirls of cinnamon and tear-sized raindrops falling down into a black empty void.

The end


The author's comments:

This reflects the love one must withhold in order to do anything just for their family. As an author, I can write stories upon stories about these fictional characters who are nothing like me. But... What is the fun in that? I am Naomi, I am Aaron, I am my characters. 


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