My grandfather said,
“Who wants to get older,
but what’s the alternative?”
as a joke one day.
And so now every day,
every day that I get older
(or something bad happens)
what’s the alternative?
My grandfather said,
“Kids are basically jerks”
and life is moving past that
and he was right.
When I babysit
and the boy throws food
and tells me to watch my tone …
moving past that.
My grandfather said,
“The difference between the right and the wise
is the wise are not only right
but possible.”
So now I try to pick the side
not that’s right,
the side that’s wise –
that’s possible.
My grandfather said,
“The elephant in the room
with Billy Elliot
is that he was gay.”
And so when I feel
my elephant is growing too big
I address it.
I’m gay.
I’m gay I’m gay I’m gay
I’m gay
it’s like if I say it enough
it will lose its meaning
like
love
love
love
love
But like the word love
it doesn’t lose its truth
I’m still gay, unfortunately.
And while I continue to dislike that
how can I possibly love another
who’s also – gay.
So I try to paint pictures
with my words.
Design an escape.
I’m a princess
and the fluffy clouds
break up the blue of the sky.
The grass tickles my feet:
green and earthy.
The sweet scent of the flowers.
And for a moment
that’s enough.
After all,
my grandfather always said,
“You don’t have to be good,
just good enough.”