Dear Mom and Dad,

I know you’ve been wondering how I , all of a sudden, ran into billions of dollars. I suppose it’s time I confessed.
I was walking down the street on an unusually rainy day in New York. The air smelled of exhaust and fried foods. Cautiously, I passed Trump Headquarters, the one place I had been avoiding ever since I started my vacation in New York. The building towered over me like a 58 story, gold-plated monster. Outside, a group of tourists dressed in souvenir t-shirts were being lead by a heavily perfumed tour guide; her face caked in makeup. Silently and carefully, I snuck in the middle of the tour group, unnoticed by the guide  who was now rambling on about the history of the building.
I followed them in and around for a bit, pretending to be interested in the front desk and random office workers we happened across. Eventually we passed what I was looking for. The safe. Outside, there were two ginormous, muscled security men dressed in all black. “And this is where President Trump keeps his billions.” Now this I was interested in.
The tourists moved on, but I lingered behind. Silently, I took a chloroform rag out of my backpack and passed it under the guards’ noses. They fell to the floor with a thud, landing in a heap of muscle. No one seemed to notice. Maybe they all hated Trump as much as I did.
I grew up poor, fighting for every dime I had. We sometimes were forced to go without food, electricity, gas, water. We couldn’t afford the bills. We didn’t always have a steady place. No one thought I’d go to college, not even me. But I applied for scholarships and FAFSA anyways. I had dreamed about going to New York since I was little. Curiously, I applied and got accepted. I was so excited but knew I couldn’t afford it. When I got the scholarship, I fainted. I knew this was a fresh start. I could start over and become someone.
Trump was handed fame and fortune. “This asshole owes me,” I thought. Breaking into the safe was child’s play. The password was exactly what you’d expect - “Make America Great Again”. I was suddenly surrounded by more money than I’d ever seen in my life. Glad I brought a backpack, I started shoving thousand dollar bills into my bag, pockets, purse, bra, anywhere by the handful. Once I was loaded up, I silently left the building, no one suspecting a thing. I’m amazed I got away with it, really.
I’m not intending on keeping all of it, of course. I’ll do something Trump never has. Give it away. $500,000 to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. $100,000 to the “I Have A Dream” Foundation. $1,000,000 to the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. I wouldn’t  just give to charities though. Freely, I will give it to anyone and everyone who may need it. To the homeless, the hungry, the poor, the students who have big dreams but no money to achieve them, orphanages, shelters.
I’m going to buy you a nice house on the beach. All the food you can imagine. You’ll never have to go back to the life of living paycheck to paycheck. You can retire in style. And don’t worry about me. I’m going to achieve my dreams. All thanks to Donald Trump.

Sincerely,

Your daughter