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Eternity This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

By Oelania P, Brooklyn, NY

(Inspired by Twilight by Stephenie Meyer)

It’s strange that I never noticed how fast clouds move before. It was sort of frightening. I almost felt like running for cover, as though they might lose control and tumble from the sky and crush me. I might have done just that had I not been so comfortable where I was, lying in the sun in a lush meadow.

I turned to look at the beautiful, ageless being stretched on the grass beside me. His looks were deceiving, for while he appeared to be a normal teenage boy, I knew he was well over 300 years old and not human at all.

“Nathaniel,” I said, my voice sounding loud in the calm of the clearing.

“Mmm?” was his only reply. His eyes were closed and a lazy smile graced his lips as he soaked up the sun.


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26 comment(s)
lovebella123
wow is all I can say. I feel like I just read a scene from twilight. in some parts I feel like you just used the same words as in the meadow scene in twilight, but mostly it was good.
Jul. 07, 2016 at 7:17 PM • Report
GarriStruck
You wrote that she made sure not to disturb his wings. His wings are body parts, are they not? It would be better if she could touch and hold them as she would his hands or leg or face, right?
Feb. 12, 2016 at 4:08 AM • Report
MBC1215
This is amazing for a romantic fiction! Puts a sad spin on eternity, but still made me practically beg for more! PLEASE CONTINUE THIS Caroline!
Jan. 21, 2016 at 11:47 AM • Report
BloomingRaine15
It is really nice, and really good. Though, I would second all those who said that the story is really really close to Twilight. It is a great story, don't get me wrong, but, it would be best if you try to make it less like Twilight and more like your REAL style.
Dec. 30, 2015 at 4:36 AM • Report
Gabeysgirl15
I love it. It is very similar to Twilight, and that's great but, you could have changed it a little bit. Its pretty much an exact replica of the original and that is technically illegal
Oct. 03, 2015 at 2:31 PM • Report
420ULTIMATESWAGLORD2000
I think that this story is sinfully close to twilight. Given its a short story and you do say you were inspired by twilight but this is practically hitting that copy and paste button. Also there is no character development other then the fact that they like each other so without one the other is lifeless and with eachother they are still bland. Sub pat
Apr. 10, 2015 at 10:24 AM • Report
KyotoMylo
LOL. That was funny
Aug. 04, 2015 at 9:55 PM • Report
WallFlowerAlice
"Its really good" said Alice.
Dec. 21, 2014 at 2:52 PM • Report
AlexandriaRose
It was really well written.
Nov. 16, 2014 at 4:55 PM • Report
writer5
I think this is very well written, but some parts seemed almost like they were copied and pasted straight from Twilight.  While it's always great to use inspiration from other books while writing, try adding your own flair.  It's a great start, though :)
Aug. 14, 2014 at 5:05 PM • Report
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