You see that guy sitting by the coffee shop window, third table from the left, the one with the endearingly messy hair, the faded jeans, and the strong, graceful hands curled around his coffee cup? You know the utter certainty that he's The One, Mr. Right, your own Prince Charming, the one and only man you could ever marry? You know that overwhelming giddy, bubbly feeling, that urge to walk up to him and introduce yourself as his one true love forever and ever, that image of the two of you running slo-mo through a field of flowers, Tuck Everlasting-style?
That's not love. How can it be? You have to know someone to love him, and you've never even met that guy by the window. For all you know, he could be a serial killer who wears his victims' fingernails on a necklace just under his shirt. Probably not – but you wouldn't know, because you don't know him, and you certainly don't love him.
Love is something you grow into. It's something that evolves so slowly that you don't know when “like” turned into “love.” It's something so instinctive that you don't even realize you love someone until, one day, you look at him and it hits you: you love him. You love him for the little quirks you've come to recognize, the comfortable way he takes up your space, the familiar sight and smell and feel of him. You love him because you've come to know him and trust him and understand him.
Love at first sight is based on appearance. It's infatuation, attraction – an important aspect of a lasting relationship, true, but chemistry alone isn't love, nor can it make up for a lack of other essential elements
of love.
Love at first sight is potential for true love, nothing more and nothing less. For the couples who last, that fluttery feeling is a sign of destiny, something they'll brag about for decades to come. For those couples who don't last, it's a fluke, something they imagined … or something they ate.
But, despite history and statistics and dating horror stories, that first time you lock eyes and melt, nothing's been decided yet; there are only possibilities and possibilities and possibilities.
So hey, you know that guy at the coffee shop? Walk up to him, introduce yourself, and talk to him for a bit. Get to know him. Because you know that pounding in your chest? That's not love. But it could be.
That's not love. How can it be? You have to know someone to love him, and you've never even met that guy by the window. For all you know, he could be a serial killer who wears his victims' fingernails on a necklace just under his shirt. Probably not – but you wouldn't know, because you don't know him, and you certainly don't love him.
Love is something you grow into. It's something that evolves so slowly that you don't know when “like” turned into “love.” It's something so instinctive that you don't even realize you love someone until, one day, you look at him and it hits you: you love him. You love him for the little quirks you've come to recognize, the comfortable way he takes up your space, the familiar sight and smell and feel of him. You love him because you've come to know him and trust him and understand him.
Love at first sight is based on appearance. It's infatuation, attraction – an important aspect of a lasting relationship, true, but chemistry alone isn't love, nor can it make up for a lack of other essential elements
of love.
Love at first sight is potential for true love, nothing more and nothing less. For the couples who last, that fluttery feeling is a sign of destiny, something they'll brag about for decades to come. For those couples who don't last, it's a fluke, something they imagined … or something they ate.
But, despite history and statistics and dating horror stories, that first time you lock eyes and melt, nothing's been decided yet; there are only possibilities and possibilities and possibilities.
So hey, you know that guy at the coffee shop? Walk up to him, introduce yourself, and talk to him for a bit. Get to know him. Because you know that pounding in your chest? That's not love. But it could be.
This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.
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