Try Outs

Try Outs. Just the mere thought makes my heart drop. There's just so much hope, so much that is promised, yet not set in stone. I think of all the things that could happen if I make the team. I know that just walking around in my school's jersey on game day will be enough to make my lips form into a smile that will never seem to cease. Is it the acknowledgement that I seek? The nods I shall receive in the halls from all my fellow classmates who see the importance of wearing the jersey? Could it signify the person I am and my skills that aren't apparent when I pass?

This makes me wonder. Is it the feeling of being needed, as if I need the recognition of my peers to establish whether I am noticed. Whether they know I'm here? Perhaps. I like to think otherwise, but I can't. I know it's true which causes me to think again. My love for the game. Is it merely just a wall that I put up to mask my true feelings. The wall that I will use when I sign the try outs sheet? No, it must be both. I love the sport, yet my mixed feelings make my sense for the game falter.

Then comes the feeling. I can think of all the possibilities, but as I have stated before, making the team is not set in stone. I think about all the other girls that I'll be trying to beat, just for the spot...and jersey. What if I'm not good enough? This seems to be my worst fear. I backed out of tryouts last year. I was too scared to do it. I went for two days and when the first cuts were made I backed out. This I have regretted for quite some time. I could have done it. I know I could. I hope I can this time, for this is the time to redeem myself and prove whether that statement rings true.Hopefully the Lord will guide me and give me the assistance I need.