Well, I never thought I would be one of "those people". What do I mean by that, you ask? Well that's the name my friends used when referring to the stoners of our class. I laughed along with them, but now it isn't so funny (unless I'm high.... just kidding)
When I moved to my new school, I was pretty normal in the beginning, trying hard to fit in with everyone else. This school is made up of 100 people it's very small, and hard to break into social circles. I was lucky enough to have a friend in the school who belongs to the "popular" crowd, so I kind of fit in there. I tried acting normal, and all good like them (they are not THAT good, but better than me). But that didn't last too long.
One day, as a favour, I got my friends some weed. They in turn, decided they didn't want it, so I was left with $60 worth, all to myself. And that's how it started. I smoked it all over the course of a month, and I found each time I felt something new, something fun and interesting and different from the monotony of this small town! After I ran out of that, I felt myself wanting more. I would sit in class, thinking I could smell it and tasting it! And as much as I told myself, "no, this is only a one time thing, no more after this, I have to focus on school" I wanted it all the time! I finally bought some more, smoked that all. I came to school stoned, sludged through gym class in a haze, and I loved it!
Then I got myself a boyfriend. He is one of the biggest druggies in the school, comes to school on things other than weed, just messed up. But he was cute, and I've had a crush on him since grade 5, so I went for it. Our first night together, we got some ecstasy. I was fully aware of all the deaths in BC and Alberta from it, but that didn't seem to affect me. I was nervous at first, but I took it anyways, partly because I just wanted to experience it and because my boyfriend was so confident in taking it, I didn't want to look like a pansy (for lack of a better word). After drinking it down with coffee, I felt it hit me after about half an hour.
I shook and acted crazy all night, laid on the couch in a ball because felt so cold, and smoked weed with him and his friends. When my dad picked me up that night, my pupils were huge,and could not feel my body, AT ALL. I told myself no more, that was it for me. But what do I find myself doing over the next week? Wanting more. I have yet to get more, but I find myself becoming more and more bored and craving it. To tide me over, I smoke a ton of weed and drink a lot. Last Friday night, alone, I smoked the rest of my weed (which was quite a fair amount) and drank rum until I could not feel it burn on the way down anymore. I passed out after that.
I can feel my body changing with every joint I smoke, or beer I drink. I find my attention span is even more limited than before, and if I run out of weed, I find myself almost in tears if I cant get anymore for a while. I cant get it off my mind! Who ever said you can get addicted to weed is wrong. Maybe not physically, but you come to NEED the feeling in your brain. You miss it when your not high, and I find myself sometimes desperate for a joint or even a smoke (although I hate cigarettes) to tide me over.
I'm sitting here right now, thinking about getting high. I have no more weed, and I decided to write this to occupy myself. I am not going to deny, I have had some good times on drugs. Music sounds better (Kashmir, War Girl, Time anyone?) and things look and feel better. It sort of masks any pain you have. But over time, I know it's affecting me. I am not the greatest student to begin with, and I find I am sinking even lower in school. I just cant bring myself to care anymore. I am only fifteen, and I think it will only get worse. But since it doesn't pose a risk of OD and my dad doesn't seem to care that I'm smoking it, I don't feel like there is a risk to me by smoking it.
I wrote this with 100% truth in it. I just wanted to make my point that if your gonna smoke this, be prepared for the consequence. It does get you addicted, and it does f*ck with your mind. I think part of the reason I use it so much is because I am depressed most of the time. I do it because for a little while, I can be truly happy and creative... I just have to remember that that cant be used as a crutch forever. At some point we all have to face the world, and deal with the problems we face, without weed/alcohol/drugs of any kind to help us along.
And lets not all get the wrong idea about me. I am athletic, I ride horses, read books, stuff like that. I'm not dumb, or whatever stereotype you can think of for me. I chose to write this un-anonymously because I want people to know my face, to know who I am.
When I moved to my new school, I was pretty normal in the beginning, trying hard to fit in with everyone else. This school is made up of 100 people it's very small, and hard to break into social circles. I was lucky enough to have a friend in the school who belongs to the "popular" crowd, so I kind of fit in there. I tried acting normal, and all good like them (they are not THAT good, but better than me). But that didn't last too long.
One day, as a favour, I got my friends some weed. They in turn, decided they didn't want it, so I was left with $60 worth, all to myself. And that's how it started. I smoked it all over the course of a month, and I found each time I felt something new, something fun and interesting and different from the monotony of this small town! After I ran out of that, I felt myself wanting more. I would sit in class, thinking I could smell it and tasting it! And as much as I told myself, "no, this is only a one time thing, no more after this, I have to focus on school" I wanted it all the time! I finally bought some more, smoked that all. I came to school stoned, sludged through gym class in a haze, and I loved it!
Then I got myself a boyfriend. He is one of the biggest druggies in the school, comes to school on things other than weed, just messed up. But he was cute, and I've had a crush on him since grade 5, so I went for it. Our first night together, we got some ecstasy. I was fully aware of all the deaths in BC and Alberta from it, but that didn't seem to affect me. I was nervous at first, but I took it anyways, partly because I just wanted to experience it and because my boyfriend was so confident in taking it, I didn't want to look like a pansy (for lack of a better word). After drinking it down with coffee, I felt it hit me after about half an hour.
I shook and acted crazy all night, laid on the couch in a ball because felt so cold, and smoked weed with him and his friends. When my dad picked me up that night, my pupils were huge,and could not feel my body, AT ALL. I told myself no more, that was it for me. But what do I find myself doing over the next week? Wanting more. I have yet to get more, but I find myself becoming more and more bored and craving it. To tide me over, I smoke a ton of weed and drink a lot. Last Friday night, alone, I smoked the rest of my weed (which was quite a fair amount) and drank rum until I could not feel it burn on the way down anymore. I passed out after that.
I can feel my body changing with every joint I smoke, or beer I drink. I find my attention span is even more limited than before, and if I run out of weed, I find myself almost in tears if I cant get anymore for a while. I cant get it off my mind! Who ever said you can get addicted to weed is wrong. Maybe not physically, but you come to NEED the feeling in your brain. You miss it when your not high, and I find myself sometimes desperate for a joint or even a smoke (although I hate cigarettes) to tide me over.
I'm sitting here right now, thinking about getting high. I have no more weed, and I decided to write this to occupy myself. I am not going to deny, I have had some good times on drugs. Music sounds better (Kashmir, War Girl, Time anyone?) and things look and feel better. It sort of masks any pain you have. But over time, I know it's affecting me. I am not the greatest student to begin with, and I find I am sinking even lower in school. I just cant bring myself to care anymore. I am only fifteen, and I think it will only get worse. But since it doesn't pose a risk of OD and my dad doesn't seem to care that I'm smoking it, I don't feel like there is a risk to me by smoking it.
I wrote this with 100% truth in it. I just wanted to make my point that if your gonna smoke this, be prepared for the consequence. It does get you addicted, and it does f*ck with your mind. I think part of the reason I use it so much is because I am depressed most of the time. I do it because for a little while, I can be truly happy and creative... I just have to remember that that cant be used as a crutch forever. At some point we all have to face the world, and deal with the problems we face, without weed/alcohol/drugs of any kind to help us along.
And lets not all get the wrong idea about me. I am athletic, I ride horses, read books, stuff like that. I'm not dumb, or whatever stereotype you can think of for me. I chose to write this un-anonymously because I want people to know my face, to know who I am.
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