I thought love was supposed to take one’s pain away. But then again, I didn’t know better, just a naïve 7th grader who already thought the world was within my grasp. I don’t know when it begun, but I know exactly how it ended. I fell in love, or, rather, I fell in love with the idea of falling in love with this one boy, if that makes any sense at all. Let’s call this boy John. We had many classes together and we hung out often. I am pretty sure he took no notice of my feelings but others did. We were great friends, until, that is, he got a girlfriend.
How do I describe this girl? This girl was pretty, smart, funny, kind, and confident. The word, my readers, is popular. She was popular. And although I would very much to indicate otherwise, I am not popular. My biggest fault would be that I am often offensive, or as I like to say, bluntly honest. They were always together and I was jealous. Green with envy, and there was nothing I could do about it. I suppose part of it was my fault, I liked him too much and rumors spread in that small school in that small town. The rumor was that I was in love with John. “Psh, as if,” I would say whenever anyone asked. But as many would say, “actions speak louder than words”. And my actions soon proved otherwise.
John’s girlfriend was nice, did I mention that? Well, her friends were… well, not so nice. They teased me in school constantly and made sure that people didn’t want to hang out with me. But soon, it wasn’t just in school. They started posting on my wall on facebook. They posted mean comments about my looks, how I acted, what I wore and who I hung out with. Basically, everyone from school could see these comments. I’m not going to lie, I cried those days. I plotted revenge, I vowed revenge, but in the end, I left it to be. I stopped using the facebook for a while and tried to forget the whole ordeal, despite the teasing at school, because I was scared to stand up to them, scared to tell others, scared because nobody stood by me. Everybody stood against me and watched. The world against me, or at least that’s how I felt, and everything changed for me.
John and I weren’t that good of friends now. I lost a lot of my friends, I guess I should, or could, be glad, because that they weren’t my ‘true’ friends. But I still felt hollow and lost inside. Just a few rumors, a few opinions of others and suddenly I had changed on the outside. Even I began to doubt myself and slowly I wondered if I still the same on the inside. Why would anyone saw such hateful things? The girls didn’t even know me. How could they when they judged so fast?
One day, the ‘leader’ of the girls who insulted me taunted me again in the hallways. I ran away to the bathroom and started sobbing. Honestly, looking back, I forget what she said about me. I suppose, there were just so many insults she could have used that finally made me crack. I wish I could say that all the girls apologized sincerely and that they came in to amend for their mistakes and pleaded for forgiveness. But I sat in the bathroom alone in a cold, dark, gloomy, dreary corner, all alone. After that day they left me alone, the reason was simple; I promised I would tell the principal what happened. I am still shocked by the whole thing that happened, John clearly preened that this event had never happened even though he knew it had. Slowly I stopped liking him and was even more aware of his faults. This love only brought more pain for me. Not only was I hurt by the judgments of others who didn’t know me, I am also hurt because the people who knew me didn’t stand by me when I needed it. I guess that day I realized that the world was still not within my grasp, and it might not ever be because of the careless judgment in people’s eyes.
How do I describe this girl? This girl was pretty, smart, funny, kind, and confident. The word, my readers, is popular. She was popular. And although I would very much to indicate otherwise, I am not popular. My biggest fault would be that I am often offensive, or as I like to say, bluntly honest. They were always together and I was jealous. Green with envy, and there was nothing I could do about it. I suppose part of it was my fault, I liked him too much and rumors spread in that small school in that small town. The rumor was that I was in love with John. “Psh, as if,” I would say whenever anyone asked. But as many would say, “actions speak louder than words”. And my actions soon proved otherwise.
John’s girlfriend was nice, did I mention that? Well, her friends were… well, not so nice. They teased me in school constantly and made sure that people didn’t want to hang out with me. But soon, it wasn’t just in school. They started posting on my wall on facebook. They posted mean comments about my looks, how I acted, what I wore and who I hung out with. Basically, everyone from school could see these comments. I’m not going to lie, I cried those days. I plotted revenge, I vowed revenge, but in the end, I left it to be. I stopped using the facebook for a while and tried to forget the whole ordeal, despite the teasing at school, because I was scared to stand up to them, scared to tell others, scared because nobody stood by me. Everybody stood against me and watched. The world against me, or at least that’s how I felt, and everything changed for me.
John and I weren’t that good of friends now. I lost a lot of my friends, I guess I should, or could, be glad, because that they weren’t my ‘true’ friends. But I still felt hollow and lost inside. Just a few rumors, a few opinions of others and suddenly I had changed on the outside. Even I began to doubt myself and slowly I wondered if I still the same on the inside. Why would anyone saw such hateful things? The girls didn’t even know me. How could they when they judged so fast?
One day, the ‘leader’ of the girls who insulted me taunted me again in the hallways. I ran away to the bathroom and started sobbing. Honestly, looking back, I forget what she said about me. I suppose, there were just so many insults she could have used that finally made me crack. I wish I could say that all the girls apologized sincerely and that they came in to amend for their mistakes and pleaded for forgiveness. But I sat in the bathroom alone in a cold, dark, gloomy, dreary corner, all alone. After that day they left me alone, the reason was simple; I promised I would tell the principal what happened. I am still shocked by the whole thing that happened, John clearly preened that this event had never happened even though he knew it had. Slowly I stopped liking him and was even more aware of his faults. This love only brought more pain for me. Not only was I hurt by the judgments of others who didn’t know me, I am also hurt because the people who knew me didn’t stand by me when I needed it. I guess that day I realized that the world was still not within my grasp, and it might not ever be because of the careless judgment in people’s eyes.
Post a Comment
Be the first to comment on this article!