Alone at the Lunch Table

For most of my life I’ve felt alone. I never really had any one who liked me enough to even be considered an acquaintance. Always addressed as the brain, the kid, I felt like an alien in my school community. The only thing that kept me going to school was the teachers and the things I would discover there. Eventually, that wasn’t enough; out of obligation I still walked the halls. I hated it everything about it; every second I resented being at school. But this was until I met my friend for life, my soul sister.

Elementary was one of the cruelest experiences of my life. I attended three different schools. I transferred the first time due to moving, the second due to the absence of an AP program. So twice I was introduced as the new kid nobody knew anything about. Matters didn’t get any better since I was shy so I didn’t particularly know how to make friends and I was by myself constantly. But it wasn’t the fact that I was shy that caused me to have no friends it was because of my appearance and the way my mind worked, I stuck out. I was like a black sheep with white polka dots among the white sheep. And unlike my peers I loved to learn, eager to answer every question, completing assignments early, wanting more to do. These things put me in higher favor with the teachers so for a while I was saddled with the reputation of being the teacher’s pet. However my “oddities” didn’t end there; I was a tomboy; I wore baggy clothes, I hated the color pink, didn’t care if I got dirty during recess, and never enjoyed those stupid girly tea parties. And as punishment for my “abnormal” behavior I was shunned, forced to sit alone at the lunch table.

As you can see, I had great reason to be unenthusiastic about middle school. I woke up that morning thinking, “I’m about to enter another school of torture meaning, another year of being the freak.” I wanted to stay in my bed and fall into a deep slumber just until school no longer existed or until everybody forgot I was there. But alas, my wishes were not granted and off to school I went. When my parents escorted me to the gym leaving me with encouraging words and hopeful smiles they gave me a little hope. And in return I waved to them goodbye until they disappeared behind the gym doors taking my last chance to escape with them.

Quickly, I found an isolated place in the bleachers and sat: bowed head and lowered eyes. Being a teased child for so long I adapted this sitting position as if it was second nature. But after a while of looking at my creased blue skirt I realized that there wasn’t a single soul in that gym that knew who I was. No tormenters or callous people to harass me. So I dared to look up and scan the room to see who were going to be my classmates for the next three years. I was amazed to see that there were so many people (and by people I mean girls given that it was an all girl school). Around me there were girls all in little groups of two, three sometimes more giggling and talking. I gazed at these groups of giggling girls and I became envious. I wanted that. All of the sudden I wanted to laugh, I wanted to giggle and gossip and I wanted someone to hang out with. I wanted a friend.

So I made a decision: to make a friend and become a part of something. I didn’t care how or who just as long as I could be rid of the horrible rotten feeling of being alone. As if a god given sign to say, “now’s your chance” the morning bell rang and off to class I strode. As determined as ever I introduced myself to people and actually had conversations with them but got the strange feeling that no one seemed willing to befriend me but I didn’t give up right then. Slowly as the year continued to go on and I knew people’s names and they knew mine but as soon as the lunch bell rung every person would scatter to different tables and I was left, alone, by myself, at the lunch table.

By the middle of the school year I was desperate for a friend and for that reason alone I resorted to fighting someone. My opponent was a girl named Kiearra and fighting her was considered my initiation. If I won I was welcomed into a group called the “Bullies” (unknown by many if not by all) and if I lost I would remain the kid no one was friends with. We threw fists at each other lying punches on the body and head me, being the tomboy I was, I knew a little more about combat because I had two brothers who enjoyed wrestling me and as an ending result I won, but despite my “victory” I didn’t gain anything from it but a sore arm and the reputation as an overly aggressive brute; I was seen as an outsider, again. My hopes of having friends were diminished and so instead I befriended the books, escaping the harsh reality that I was, indeed, alone.

The next year, seventh grade, on the first day of school I had no intent on making friends. I didn’t expect anything good to come of it. So in an attempt to prolong the day ahead of me I dragged my feet to class. Eventually, I entered the classroom found my seat and opened my new read “Romeo and Juliet” by the great William Shakespeare. From there I began to travel to a new world. Two households, both alike in dignity, in fair Verona, where we lay our scene …

Now as I got to the second page of my book an annoying voice pierced through my little world I had created in my head. And as I looked up to see where the annoying voice belonged to a frown was already stamped on my face. Joneshia Bolden. That was her name (she told me before I even looked all the way at her). Observing her I could see everything on her was small – but her mouth. When I tried to ignore her and go back to my book I couldn’t so I gave in to her babble. Just a few minutes into the conversation she brought another girl into the discussion she introduced herself as Kiearra. She looked and sounded familiar but at that moment I couldn’t remember. I pondered for countless moments and when I still couldn’t figure out anything I gave up. And in that class I came to find that this Kiearra was not as annoying as Joneshia and for that reason I talked to her and slowly Joneshia drifted out of the exchange.

Well Kiearra and I talked until it was time for lunch and I expected the usual: for her to go off and sit with someone else. But the unexpected (at least in my eyes it was unexpected) happened. When I sat down at a vacant table she came to sit beside me. At first I was thinking she may have just sat down to see something about homework but she instead talked to me, openly and willingly. For the first time in my life I wasn’t alone at the lunch table. I had acquired a friend! And From that day forward we were as thick as thieves and everything in between. Anywhere you’d see me she was there not too far behind, we walked almost everywhere together. So much so people thought we were cousins possibly sisters because they said we looked identical. Adding the fact that we lived in the same neighborhood made many question our relation to one another.

Every day she came over and everyday I would be wakened by my father from my daily nap. Since I didn’t have visitors often I slept to pass time. In the beginning it was a little irritating became (I loved my sleep) but the more she came knocking at my door I got used to it. So after a while I would look forward to seeing a tall, skinny shadow at my door. When we hung out we laughed, we danced, eat loads of candy, or just sit on the forest floor with nothing to do (there was a forest across the street from my house). Never had I laughed so hard. Never had I actually had the opportunity to enjoy the fruits of friendship. When eighth grade rolled along I saw Kiearra as the sister I never had. Even though she wasn’t in my class that school year we still remained friends and because I learned how to open up to people and become more of a “warm” person I made more friends thus having my loneliness cease to exist. I’ve told many people that if it wasn’t for Kiearra I would have never been able to feel like I belonged in this world. Without her I don’t think I wouldn’t be who I am today. From her just being there she saved me from myself pity and loathing. She joined me at the lunch table…