living with depression wasn’t easy, especially when nobody knew that you had it. I’ve lived my life sad and depressed and never did anything about it. i’ve been self-harming since I was in sixth grade. I was lost in a world of sadness just waiting to die and never actually living. I was really young when I first thought about ending my life, I was just a child. When I cut myself for the first time, I felt this feeling of relief and I liked the way it felt. I was addicted, and there was no way out of this deep hole i got myself into. i wasn't just addicted to cutting, I also smoked, but i quickly stopped that after my parents found out. hiding the fresh cuts and the old scars from my parents was easier than i thought, even when they were clearly visible they never asked me about them. there was this period in my life where i was just existing, not living. I was completely lost and scared. I wanted to die. I wrote at least six suicide letters in my life, but never actually used them. I was lonely and broken. people at school would tell me that i was fat and ugly. In seventh grade, i was bulimic. but recently i have been slipping back into my old ways. i started self-harming again. in the past, i made bad decisions that led me down this road, that i can’t ever take back. i made at least one or two suicide attempts. they were so long ago i don’t even remember them. my mom doesn’t really give a crap about me. she’s told me. my mother made my life worse when she married my step dad. when she kicked me out, i was actually glad to get out of there. i’ve been through alot and i know i don’t deserve to feel this way but i just can’t stop. when i broke up with my girlfriend, my whole world went spiraling down. i completely lost myself and i fell out of touch with reality. she kept me sane. she was the reason i was clean. i know everybody is sick and tired of me talking about her but i still can’t get her out of my head. being with her made me feel like i was normal, and that somebody actually loved me and cared about me. being with her was the best six months of my life, and i’ll never forgive myself for letting her go.  i was diagnosed with MDD when i was in a mental hospital. i lived there for awhile and eventually was discharged. getting kicked out was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. i’ve struggled with my sexuality for years, and the fact that I got bullied because of it, didn’t make it better. i have dated two girls and two guys but i try to keep that on the down low. ever since fifth grade, i knew that i liked girls, however i haven’t really been sure about about guys. but i met a couple guys that i am attracted to. i don’t like to label myself, i’m not lesbian and i’m not bisexual, i just like everyone. going through this has made me a better person. i learned from my mistakes. now, i am in a better place and i’m writing this to let everyone know that things do get better. if you feel like you want to end your life, please don’t make the mistake that i did and not talk to anyone; go talk to your friends or an adult. i cannot stress this enough, you will get better. it just takes time. stay strong