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Metalligirl
March 2, 2013
Summary:
Wendy Walker's life wasn't never very fun to begin with- living in a girls' home with an insensitive, greedy guardian and flip-flop chucking orphans isn't ideal. But her life is turned upside down after discovering she has cancer and undergoing an experimental nanotechnology cancer treatment with unexpected side effects- the nanobots took over her body and turned her arm, leg, and side of her face into solid metal, complete with magnetic, robotic abilities! After narrowly escaping an examination clinic full of poking, prodding scientists, she stumbles across kids like her- a collection of freaks, accidents, and mutants who happen to be on their way to the Big Apple. When trouble arises with a power-hungry hypnotist, Wendy makes the transition to self-concious cyborg to hero of New York.
Claire B.
Metalligirl
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This book has 37 comments.
CurlyGirl17 SILVER said...
on Mar. 26 2013 at 10:48 am
Thanks a lot! I tried to make my intro seem sort of heroic. :)
CurlyGirl17 SILVER said...
on Mar. 26 2013 at 10:46 am
Thanks, and sorry about the typos- I tend to type faster and sloppier when I'm excited about what I'm writing! :)
CurlyGirl17 SILVER said...
on Mar. 26 2013 at 10:23 am
Thanks a lot for the comment! Yeah, I tried to vary the personalities as much as I could- I've always pictured the girls' home keeper, Miss Turner, as a bony, middle aged lady who wears way too much make-up, rather than a frumpy Miss Hannigan... :)
Elphabalover72 said...
on Mar. 25 2013 at 11:09 pm
I really love the emotion and the characters are well developed. You just have one misspelling. "Te," is supposed to be, "the."
CurlyGirl17 SILVER said...
on Mar. 25 2013 at 7:09 pm
Thanks! I was so excited to post the first chapter of my story that I didn't want to wait until the next day, so I ended up typing it out and posting it at around 1:00 in the morning. So that's my explanation for the typos. I'm glad you liked it anyway, though! :)
EternallyReading said...
on Mar. 25 2013 at 4:37 pm
I like where you're going with this. Usually I'm not a big fan of third person, but I think it really works here. There were a few places where you skipped some words, but overall it was grammar mistake free. I think you've done a great job on character development as well. Keep up the good work :)
bluearmadillo2000 BRONZE said...
on Mar. 25 2013 at 3:39 pm
What an amazing story! I hope you post the rest soon. I really like the way that it is more realistic than some orphan stories where they live in a dump with obviously evil people as your characters have a huge range of personalities!
CurlyGirl17 SILVER said...
on Mar. 20 2013 at 6:00 pm
This is very helpful; thanks for the comment! I'll keep all of this in mind. :)
Wow, I really like this. The idea you have here is very creative and intriguing. I like your characters and the part on the bus where Tessa took Lea's doll from her was a very well written scene and it really brought out your character's personalities- it had a lot of great emotion in it as well. I also like your dialogue- it's very realistic and powerful. Some suggestions that I have: I couldn't picture your characters very well. You don't have to go all out describing every single thing about them but a few details here and there about what they look like can go a long way. You also might want to think about adding more body language during dialogue (just an idea) The last suggestion I have is the first paragraph seems a little unnecessary since at the ending you repeated a lot of what was said before (her getting in a fight with Tessa, seeing the lump) and I think that it would be just as good without that paragraph. Just my opinion- dont feel like you have to change it. Other than that, really great job. It will be interesting to see where this story goes =)
SunGlassWolf13 said...
on Mar. 19 2013 at 4:35 pm
Great Work! Your setup is one of the best ive seen, and on top of that, your characters are interesting right from the get-go. Cant wait for the next part
CurlyGirl17 SILVER said...
on Mar. 12 2013 at 7:07 pm
Thanks! There'll be even more action and emotion when the 'metal' part comes into play! :)
Island-Star BRONZE said...
on Mar. 12 2013 at 12:00 pm
This is really good! I like the action and emotion in the story. I want to read more! :)
writesomethingalways PLATINUM said...
on Mar. 9 2013 at 11:04 am
Awesome! Can't wait to see it! You're welcome!
CurlyGirl17 SILVER said...
on Mar. 8 2013 at 9:28 pm
I'm so glad you like it! I'm thinking maybe next time I submit work it will be the rest of the story... I'm about halfway done writing it. Thanks for the comment! :)
writesomethingalways PLATINUM said...
on Mar. 7 2013 at 8:42 pm
I really like it so far! Do you have more chapters yet? Nice cliffhanger..... lol, I'm definitely anxious to see what happens next.
meggles said...
on Mar. 6 2013 at 4:54 pm
this is great! Can't wait to read the rest!!
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