Teen Ink

nicely done! creative ideas!

I love the book, but I want more! Please continue this book... I really really liked it! The plot is so great.. You really have a vivid imagination!:)

I like the idea of this book, and the writing is pretty good, but I find myself confused by a lot of the English used. English is my first language, and I'm fairly sure that alot of this is not using correct grammar. I'm not looking to really critique you or anything, but some of the paragraphs in which really important things happened I ended up having to re-read and spend a few moments speculating about what you had meant to say, which made it hard to get lost in the story. Try having someone ... (more »)

Hmmhmmhmm. I know this is Twilight fanfiction, and I generally dispporve of fanfiction. It tends to be sloppy, and done in an hour over a wave of enthusiasm.
But, I do admit, the first page is done okay. No, I'm sorry to say I can't tell you that its good, and it does need improvement, but that's why I review, hmm?

First off, your usign first person narrative because Stephanie Meyer did it, and you want to be a character in the story. That is the weakness of all... (more »)

is it free to post a novel? im new.

having written both my stories from multiple points of view, i suggest you refrain from explicitly saying things like:

"From Alice's point of view."

Instead try to make it clear through thoughts, conversation, surroundings, and the characters actions who is currently holding the point of view.

Just some friendly advice. :)

Just some friendly advice

sorry.not 2 be mean but totally 2 SHORT!But it was creative.

Well, I think I'd better tell you before that sometimes I don't understand because my "mother language" isn't English, if not Spanish. So I'll read it again more carefully and try to understand. ;)

But I really love this book!

I dont understand the story pretty much. I like the description but I dont quite get it. Im sorry because I really like the character you created ( Milla)...

I only noticed a few gramatical errors, but overall it was pretty good =)

I'm not really found of Twilight and vampires, but this was amazing! I can't wait to read more! :D

make more please