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HomeIf We Collide
If We Collide
Summary: when Es's mother unexpectably dies, she is left to run the kindom on her own. but with the ever looming possiblility of war, she has to take durastic measures. she surrendures herself to the enemie to save her sector. with no hope of being rescued her days are short lived. until she meets Damon.
blueduskthis is great but what is it based off of?
well i didnt really base it off of anything i was just brainstorming ideas and came up with this story in my head. it was a lot harder to put it into words though. Im glad you like it!
BorderlineGenius777Not bad, not bad. I like it!
SN3RDThis is a good and creative read :)
FluteFreakThis is a nice beginning, but I have found a few typos such as you said "to advanced" when you should use "too" and you also tend to jump from scene to scene with very little transition...
Dr.SolynI agree with Atl. It is a nice start, however with a little more editing and effort I feel it could be much improved. For me the story so far lacks flow, it's a bit fragmented, as if you're showing us a series of pictures instead of a movie. I'm very interested to find out what's going to happen further into the story and look forward to that. Keep writing!
Thank you! i will definitley write more and focus more on the details and making them flow better throughout the story!
Atl.Braves03You have a really good start. My advice would be to go over your word choices. There were times when I thought you coud have made the scene perfect with a little more vivid adjectives or verbs. Besides that, just take time to read some of the works of great writers such as Steinbeck or Tolkien and learn from them so that you can just keep getting better and better. Good luck!
Thanks sooooo much! ill work on it some more and get back to you!
if anyone has anymore comments or ways to make this story better, they are appreaciaed greatly =D
(did i spell appreciated right?)
Awesome story! Its really good :D Hope u write more
ANYONE THERE???? i see a dust weed floating across the screeen =(
O----o-----0------O--------O
there it goes
ANYONE THERE???? i see a dust weed floating across the screeen =(
O----o-----0------O--------O
there it goes
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