Thanks, Chelzrulz!  I appreciate the time you took to read my novel. 

I know my characterization wasn't very strong (I did write this in only five hours) and in the future I'll fix that.  But how do you think I should make my sentences stronger?

wow that's a long school year I graduated in may...

anyway I have a tendency to hesitate sending first draft stuff in favor of sending 2nd drafts too but I think for the sake of feedback it doesn't matter which you send unless you're changing the whole story up or something.

make things faster you can send it to .j.h.e.w.e.t..t.7.2. at y.a.h.o.o.. (no periods in it) if you're cool with using email instead of this slow website lol

It's okay for assuming I write romances; a lot of teenage girls do. :)

And thanks for saying I'm a pretty mature writer.  I like to think I am.  (Yes, me and my super ego).

I have a favourite piece of sci-fi/fantasy (it's sort a mix, but it's more sci-fi than fantasy), but currently I'm writing a second draft.  I've been neglecting it lately, but when I finally do get around to finishing it, I will post it on Teen Ink.  Right now the title I'm working with is 'Inhuman', so maybe you could look for that in the months to come.  Progress will be swift once school is out on the 29th. :)

in case it didn't post;

I don't like Twilight either but I think she's a good writer from what little I've read of hers. (the movie sucked)

sorry for assuming that you wrote romances (all excuses aside lol)

Annnnnd I've been working on a sci-fi novel for 5 years trying to make my protag super unique and stuff. Most fantasy/sci-fi protags are the same--especially in teen lit. I wonder if yours is/are unique because you seem like a pretty mature writer and that usually leads to potential for uniqueness :P

Do you have a favorite piece of something you wrote? I'll check it out if you wanna share it. I need to look at how people develope unique characters to help me devlope mine and reading polished published work won't help with that :P

I see what you're saying. I didn't like Twilight either--never finished the book but I could tell she's a good writer. (I saw the first movie so I'm scarcely familiar with it)

I suggested romance because I was under the impression that since you were trying to satirize a "romance" and since many elements of your style reminded me of authors like Laurie Halse Anderson who write books about how much it sucks to be in high school (and that includes a lot of romance) but let's be real, I shouldn't assume because it makes an @$$ out of u + me

Anyway. I can imagine what a fantasy character of yours will be like based on what I've seen here and from how most people write fantasy. But I will not assume this time! I wonder if your character is unique. You seem like a mature writer so that usually leads to uniqueness :P

What's your favorite thing you've ever written? I'll check it out if you wanna share it.

1.  I bothered to write it for an English assignment, then I posted it on Teen Ink just to see what other people thought of it.  It was a kind of "Whatever, I'll see how this goes" moment.

2.  You definitely have a point about the characterization.

3.  Excuse me for shuddering, but I am terrible at writing romances.  The thought of writing one makes me ill, actually.  I really don't like Twilight, so I'm not sure if that comparison is a compliment of not.  But that's irrelevant.  Generally, I write science fiction or fantasy.

If you don't enjoy writing something then why bother?

And if you look at Shakespeare's characterization of Romeo, nothing about him is supposed to be creepy. A modern audience might see his actions as creepy, but since the other characters--especially Juliet don't see them as creepy, he isn't a creep. He's an exaggerated young lover and so is Juliet. They're both comedic characters. But you interpreting him as a creeper can work in a parody, but in order to do that you'd have to make him more of a one-dimensional character by taking characteristics of real Romeo that could be interpreted as creeper and then super exaggerating them so that the audience KNOWS he is a hardcore creeper, and the other characters' reactions would have to be different. Maybe Juliet doesn't see him as a creeper, but guys like Tybalt and Mercutio would have to see it. Tybalt would be like "get that creeper away from my cousin!" and Mercutio would be like "Thou art a creeper saucy knave!"

The overall tone of this reminds me of twilight actually and I think from what I've read this shows that you're a good writer but the style you used here doesn't exactly fit for a comedy. It's more of a style that has elements of comedy, which is really good to have for teenage lovemance novels like Sloppy Firsts which was a great book.

I would love to see something of yours in a different genre since you say comedy isn't really your thing. I bet you could do something like a dating scene really well. Like "boy takes girl to movies and you'll never believe what happens next" kind of thing.

Hilarious! If this was the version of Romeo and Juliet that we read in my English 1 class, I would have enjoyed it much more. I like your idea of not describing them to have people keep their original image. The beginning was a little confusing to me, and I only caught on when you told us who the mysterious stranger was in the shrubs (William Shakespeare). I didn't understand the Miranda and Betty part until you explained it in the comments. That was very clever of you. And I liked the whole Cat = Tybalt concept. I remember reading something about Tybalt resembling a cat or something in my English class.

All in all, this was a pleasure to read. Great job, and keep you the great work! I can't wait to read more of your material. :D

Thanks for taking the time to read my novel, AvengedJasonfoldForever.  I really appreciate your criticism as well.

But I would like to point out that I did emphasize character traits, at least in some characters.  Romeo, for example, was sort of a creepy stalker in the original play.  For my novel, I made him a real stalker.

I don't particularly enjoy writing comedy and I know I'm not particularly good at it either.  This was my first and likely last attempt at comedy.

J7X Feedback: you asked for it!

I used to call this simon feedback but J7X is only 3 letters and I am lazy. However one thing that I am very incredibly passionate about is comedy and I've studied the art of satire to the point where I actually taught a 12th grade honors english class how to write a good satire after my "high school survival guides" caused a stir... 

all credibility aside I think this story shows promise for you as a writer but not necessarily a satirist. I say that because you seem to be getting a pretty good sense of flow and dialogue tags and all that stuff.

Though there are bits of humor scattered throughout, you're not making fun of R&J or shakespeare's style. You're re-writing it and adding your own bits of humor. Nothing wrong with that, but that's also not a parody.

A parody is more of a mocking type thing. If I were to make a parody of Twilight I would ask myself "what are the flaws?" or "what is peculiar about it and distinguishable?" or "what ticks me off about Edward?"

Then I would exaggerate the flaws--for instance, Edward is a really creepy dude. He uses too much eyeliner in the movie.

Harry Potter: Voldemort has no nose. In a parody, I would give him a gigantic nose. That's ironic.

There's so many different techniques to use in parodies. Be more creative with twisting and turning already-made-material. It's almost impossible to create a totally original comedy--all jokes are making fun of something. 

Keep having fun with this stuff. I will tell you from experience that the shorter these spoofs are, the more likely people will read them.

For more info on comedy, just ask. I've been studying it all my life.

Thanks for the feedback, NavishJ!  I apologize for not separating Shakespeare from the text more, but this was my first submission and the italics I originally had those passages in got lost in the copying and pasting process. 

I know the ending was a bit quick, but really, there wasn't much to say.  And my English assignment was due. :)

I didn’t really describe Romeo and Juliet because I wanted people to use their imaginations.  Everyone has a different image of the famous couple and I wanted them to keep that image.  Maybe I should have described them, but it’s too late now.

Miranda and Betty were actually Mercutio and Benvolio, two characters who were on the Montague side in the play.  And yes, they (I don't remember which one or if it was both) did fight Tybalt.  They don’t play a huge role in my story, but they had pretty big roles in the play.

Anyway, thank you so much for all the feedback!

This was excellent! :) In the beginning, I have to be honest, I was a little confused. The man was talking in old English, "What wondrous place didst that alchemist bring me to?" And then, Juliet and Paris were talking about texting. I thought that was odd. But, then, in the end, I understood that the man (Shakespeare) time-traveled to the future for an idea for his play.

Also, I have to say that there should have been more to the ending. The beginning was fine, but the ending went a little too fast. I hope you know what I mean by that. Basically, I felt sort of lost at the ending. I mean, the beginning was just great! But, the ending felt . . . a little different. I sort of expected more to happen in between.

You should have described more about Juliet & Romeo. Like, you should have described their features. Even a brief description would have worked. I noticed that you said Juliet was beautiful, but I didn't have an image in mind of how she looked like. To be honest, I imagined a rowdy girl with brown hair and freckles. LOL, I don't know why. Maybe it's because of her behavior.

What else? Hmm . . . I don't understand what Miranda and Betty have to do with anything. I feel that it was irrelevant, especially since your story was sort of a fast-forward version of the real version. They didn't really make a huge impact on the events.

Other than that, this was truly a well-written story. I love the plot idea! :) You kept my curiousity perked up at all times. Keep writing!

NOTE: I'm sorry my feedback took so long. I sort of hand a lot of studying to do. I hope you don't mind!