Collaboration: Bigger Than Me
Author's note: This is a collabortaion, if you would like to join in you can find us in the writers workshop... Show full author's note »
What The Heck Is Happening?!Brian met them in the hallways after class. "Thank you so much." Atom said, "I would hug you but..."
"Don't mention it," Brian said, "seriously don't mention it. I should thank you. I should thank you for giving me a reason to punch Greg in the face. He still owes me five dollars." Zack laughs making Brian and Atom stare at him in shock. "Dude...You're laughing...Why?" Brian said is shock. Zack hadn't laughed in so long that it felt weird to
"Don't know, maybe because of what you said about Greg owing you five bucks!" Zack starts to laugh again. Yup, I've gone crazy! Zack tells himself in his head.
"Um could you stop before I punch YOU?"
”You can't punch him” Atom sighed exasperated by his friend’s antics.
”Sorry, I forgot no one touches your little Zacky with out having to go though you.” Brian smirked; he was referring to when they were little and how Atom always had Zack's back in a fight. But Zack stiffened not catching that actual meaning.
"Would you shut up Brian, I just don't want to take you both to the nurse's office. That’s all." Atom says pleading bright blue eyes.
"What ever Atom but one day you're not going to be there when Zack is getting his butt kicked." Brian snapped. Atom glares at Brian.
"You think you're so tough well you're not! You only turned this way was because of Karman's death, if she was still alive you would've still and are that glasses wearing, smarty pants, hopeless romantic nerd who always seemed to drool every time she was near you!!!!"
The fist wasn't unexpected but it was unnecessary. Atom flew backwards slamming into the lockers, “Shut up you fag!!! At least I don't cling to something I know will never happen!!”
Atom wiped the blood from his mouth, “At least I can admit who I am.”
”That's a load of shit” Brian had Atom off the ground by the front of his shirt, “If you’re not ashamed then how about you admit to everyone what you are!!” A crowd had formed around them. Yet somehow, Atom stayed calm.
”I get the point, you're upset but this isn't the way to solve this” Zack wanted to do something but he found himself to scared to move, again. Slowly Brian put Atom down face scrunching as if angry, but when he finally set Atom down he was holding into him crying on Atom's shoulder.
Zack stood in shock; he hadn't seen Brian cry in years! Zack wanted to say something but no words would come out his mouth. Atom had a guilty yet sad look on his handsome face. He went too far to say Karman's name let alone scream it in Brian's face. He held Brian as he sobs and chokes on words.
"I-I -lo-loved h-her s-s-s-so MUCH! M-my hea-hea-heart wont st-st-stop hurting!!" Atom patted Brian's back gently. "Wh-why di-di-did she ha-ha-have to le-le-leave m-me!?" Zack felt even worst as he watch Brian spoke of how much he had loved his sister and he truly meant it. Brian had fallen in love with the dead girl. "Sh-sh-she was th-th-the only o-on-one who und-under-sto-stood me!!!!!" Brian screams out in deep lost and pain. Atom looked uneasy until Brian was done, “I'm sorry; I shouldn't have called you that.” Brian said moving away. By now the people in the hallway had dispersers.
”It's alright,” Atom said though his face said other wise. Did everyone just pretend to tolerate him; the most truthful words are spoken when you are too incoherent to censure yourself.
”We should get to class,” Zack said trying to cut the tension.
”Right,” Brian agreed, “I'll see you guys later.”
Zack started to class when he realized that Atom wasn't following, “You coming?”
”I'll be right there; I just have to go to the bathroom.” Atom disappeared down the hall. Zack sighed feeling like he should followed him. When he entered the bathroom his ears were greeted by the sound of repressed whimpers. ”Atom are you okay?”
”Please, Zack just go away.” Atom managed to sob out, staying in the stall.
Zack leans against the stall's door that was next to Atom's. He folds his arms across his chest, quietly listening to Atom's soft sobs. "I know...I know that you miss her, Atom...But she's...in a better place now..." Zack spoke soft and slow.
"I do miss her, Zack...But that’s not why I'm crying..."
Zack stiffen a bit. "Then why are you crying?"
"I can't tell you." Atom whimpered back.
Zack sighs annoyed. "You could tell me...I'm here for you, Atom" Zack heard a little painful sob come from Atom's stall.
"Love is so cruel Zack. Once you fall in you could never return. And it's way worse when the person you love doesn't feel the same way as you do!"
Zack stiffened knowing what Atom was referring to him. ”Sorry,” was all he could say.
”It's alright.” Atom sniffed again, “Zack do you think that it's disgusting that I'm ... You know.”
”What? No why would you even think that?”
”He was just mad and saying what ever he could to upset you.” A silence passed between the two except for a few whimpers from Atom as he tried to pull himself together.
”Zack can I ask you something?”
Atom came out of the stall, though he still wasn't looking at Zack, “Could you kiss me?”
Zack stood frozen in place; it was like he had turned into a statue. He try's to remain calm but his mind kept on yelling at him. "I'm sorry but could you repeat that?" Zack blurted out.
Atom kept his eyes on the floor. "Could you....kiss me?"
Zack felt like running but his legs wouldn't move. "Atom...I ummm..." Zack was speechless. Atom glanced at him from the sides of his eyes; burning bright blue staring right into his own hazel green ones with desire that Zack had never notice before. "Zack...please...I need to see if in fact that I am... gay"
"You told me that you were, what do you mean you have to figure out?" Zack said trying to keep the fear from his voice.
Atom took a step back, "I'm sorry you're right it's just... I wish you look at me the same way you look at her." he said referring to Kimmy. The bell rang signaling that third period had started. "We should get to class." Atom said head for the door giving Zack one last longing look before he left.
WHAT THE HECK IS HAPPENING!? Zack waits until Atom left. Once he did Zack went crazy. "WHAT THE HEL.L!?" Zack tears the thing that held the towel paper off the wall and smashed it against the floor. Atom was making him go crazy and confused. He kicks one of the stalls with such power that it made a huge dent in it. "What’s his problem!? He tried to trick me into-" He grabs fistful of his dark brown hair as he paces angrily. He saw himself in the mirror from the corner of his eye and looks at it. He releases his hair and lets his hands fall to the side. He looked awful, dark purple bags lingered under his hazel green eyes they looked wild and crazy from all of these feeling from both deep within and new ones, his hair looked even more messy and oily then always, pieces of dark brown fell over his eyes looking like he just came inside from the rain. I...look like a monster! He felt the anger rising up with still confusion lingering. He raised his fist and SLAM! Glass fell to the floor with dark red staining both glass and floor. He breathes in and out deep and slow. He stares at himself in the small piece of glass that still clings to wall. His eyes grow wide with shock as the sudden rage disappears.
”What happened to your hand?” Atom asked at lunch, seeing the small cuts.
”It's nothing,” he pulled his hand back.
”That's not nothing,” Atom rummaged though his bag and pulled out his first aid kit, ”give me your hand.”
”I don't need your help.” Zack protested. Atom just sits back down looking at him sad blue eyes.
Kimmy rolls her eyes, “Stop being stupid.” She said taking the first aid kit and Zack's injured hand, ”If you don't clean the cuts then they'll get infected,” she set to work on his hand, a serious look on her face. Zack couldn't help but relax a bit. It felt so nice to feel her warm hands on his. "This might hurt." She warned him. Zack nods with a serious look. She pressed the cotton ball onto the cut making Zack bite the inside of his cheek from screaming. Kimmy seemed to notice to it. "Sorry." She utters as she moved on to the next.
Atom sat in his chair, arms folded across his chest. His face hardened into a mask but neither Zack nor Kimmy noticed it at all. "No, it’s okay....I'm used to pain." Kimmy grins slightly.
"Really? I doubt that." She pressed more pressure onto a cut that she didn't notice that was very deep, making Zack yip out in pain and slammed his other hand on the table. "Whoa, easy there tiger. You don't want to knock the First aid kit onto floor now do ya?" Kimmy says, frowning. "Oh boy...the cut is bleeding again...must be very deep." She utters. She looks up at him with dazzling dark green eyes that made him lose his train of thought. "How and where did you even get these cuts from?" She asked, snapping him back to the real world.
”I got into a fight with a piece of glass and loss.” Zack jokes causing Kimmy to shake her head.
”You'll be fine, just make sure to change the bandages twice a day.” She smiled softly glancing back at Atom who still hadn't let his glared down. ”So,” Kimmy sat back down between the two, ”this is awards.”
"No, everything is fine Kimmy." Atom says a little bitterly. Zack wanted to glare at Atom. More like punch him. Zack snapped in his head. Kimmy pressed her back more against the cold metal, staring down her hands. Zack's hands turned into tight fists not even wincing at the stinging pain from the cuts that graced his right hand. Atom was still sort of glaring at her making Zack's blood boil a bit. "Zack, you're bleeding more!"
”You should go to the nurse.” Atom notes.
”He's right,” Kimmy interrupted before Zack could protest, “I'll even walk you down.”
”Fine,” Zack sighs. They both left leaving Atom alone at the lunch table.
”What happened between you two?” She asked, “This morning you were all buddy buddy and now you seem mad and Atom seems hurt.”
"Oh trust me; you don't even want to know." Zack says bitterly as they exited out of the lunch room.
"But what if I do want to know. Maybe I could help fix the problem."
Zack couldn't help but laugh cruelly at that. "Yeah, help fix it. That’s a good joke, Kimmy." He looks at his right hand amazed by how much blood had gotten through the banages.
"I could at lest try."
Zack, raised a dark eye brow at her. "You just won’t quit this." It was a statement.
”Look Zack you seem like a nice guy so I'll tell you this. Atom is madly in love with you and if you don't tell him no and mean it he's going to think you're just playing hard to get. So if you don't say it like a mean you're just torturing him.” Kimmy said. ”Anyways I think you might need to have a heart to heart with him.”
They arrived at the nurse office Zack in deep thought about what Kimmy said and how it sounded so similar to what his sister probably would have told him to do.
The nurse almost had a heart attack when she saw the bloody bandages. She quickly took the bandages off, washing out the cuts and putting on new ones. "When you get home tell your parents that you need to go to the hospital because you need some stitches on those cuts. Their just TOO deep." The nurse kept saying to Zack even after wrapping his hand.
"I'll tell them, Nurse Missy." Zack said smiling weakly. His parents were going to freak out for sure! Zack kept on thinking about how Kimmy and Karman were sort of a like.
The nurse not trusting him called his parents to pick him up and take him to the hospital. At first he thought that they weren't going to ask questions but when they got home, ”Are you going to tell us what happened?” His mom asked. ”
I punch a mirror.” He told her knowing that she would understand.
She nodded, “Zack, I know that you don't like talking to me
about your feelings, but I think you should start see a therapist. Not that there's anything wrong with you, but you need to start talking with someone.”
"NO! You never understand or listen to me!"
"ZACH!" He heard her scream even after he took off out the door. He quickly wiped away the suspicious moisture around his eyes and made sure not to look back.
”Are you alright?” Atom just happens to be walking past Zack's house, causing Zack to give Atom a weird look.
Atom sighed, “School got out a little while ago, and I live six houses down from you remember?” Zack nodded not really wanting anything to do with Atom at the moment. ”Fine I get the point I'll leave you alone.” Atom turned to leave.
”Wait, Atom, we need to talk.” Zack said. Atom turned around to face him.
”You already know.”
”Look, if this is about what happened in the bathroom, I'm sorry. I shouldn't of asked that of you..”
”It's more than that Atom.” Zack started, trying to find away to do what Kimmy suggested.
"Atom look your my friend and honestly I don't want to be anything more." Zack held his breath as he waited for him to respond.
"Look Zack, I get it. I shouldn't have put you on the spot like that."
Zack exhaled and his heart rate slowed down. " Atom, you'll find someone and I am sorry that I can't be what you want me to be." Zack meant what he was saying, he was sorry that he had let him down Zack didn't want to loose him as a friend.
"Thanks Zack." Zack could tell he was being sincere.
"We cool man?" Zack was scared of his response, terrified that his response was the answer to our friendship.
"Yeah Zack, we're cool." On impulse Zack hugged him quickly pulling back. "Sorry."
"Haha its okay, I can handle it. Besides I can see what going on between you and..."
"Kimmy...." Zach sighed.
”Yes Kimmy,” Atom rolled his eyes, “Just try not to flirt with her in front of me.” Zack nodded. Atom smiled one hand squeezing the opposite arm, lip quivering a bit, “I'll...um...I'll see you later.” His voice broke a bit as he turned to leave too quickly for Zack to stop him. Zack sighed, knowing that Atom was crying because he broke his heart.