Teen Ink

Shamefully explained

I sat on the gurney outside our hotel. A paramedic was stitching up my face and a female police officer was listening to my story. The guys were close enough to hear, but I was too exhausted to care.

“Go ahead, Ms. Petrakis.” She got out her notebook ready to write down my life. I took a deep breath.
“It all started when I was about 7. The teasing got worse and HE started doing drugs, without my mother around. HE said it would be “our little secret”. HE had always been a drinker, but then it stated getting worse. HE would hit me when HE got drunk; at first it left no mark, just a little shove. Then it escalated when my mom left HIM to baby-sit me. HE had taken some drugs, I don’t know what, and something made HIM mad and HE started beating me. Not on the face, HE said HE didn’t want to mess up “my pretty little face”. That went on until HE took me on a “trip”. HE went to go get more drugs and then when HE got back, HE was high, of course, HE raped me. It” I took an unsteady breath. “It bled, a lot. I didn’t understand. We went home and HE told me HE would slit my throat if I ever told. I was 8, so I didn’t tell. Then it was just a regular thing. One time HE pushed me down the stairs. I lay there, in a pool of my own blood as HE shouted at me for being a klutz and stupid and… and other stuff. Then HE made me “clean up my stupid mess!” Then Joe, my brother, found out. Accidentally. He came home early from football practice and saw me cleaning the blood off my… my parts. I was 12. Joe beat my dad up and sent him to rehab. Then it was fine. I guess. My mom went crazy, a little. Joe protected me. I tried to live my life. Then over the past year, HE has tried to come back into my life and “make amends”. This time HE got caught.” I looked shamefully at the ground. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the guys looking embarrassed. Kirby just stared at me. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die.