Why Teen Sex Is Totally Fine | Teen Ink

Why Teen Sex Is Totally Fine

August 19, 2011
By ambnyc SILVER, Rego Park, New York
ambnyc SILVER, Rego Park, New York
6 articles 0 photos 133 comments

Favorite Quote:
You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. - Dr. Seuss


The other day, I was chatting with one of my best friends. She mentioned casually that she was going to have sex, for the first time, with her boyfriend of four months.

A bit taken aback, I asked, "Are you... ready?"

"Yes," was her simple reply. We moved on, switched topics, started talking about something else.

The problem with this situation is that it doesn't happen often enough.

In America, teenage sex is made out to be a Big Deal. This is due largely to the religious undertones of our nation, of God-fearing people who adhere to the Bible's call for abstinence. I feel as if I need to remind everyone that America is not a theocracy. Thus, any conservative religious values should not be imposed upon us. People are allowed to have their own opinions, yes; but they fail to see that sex is a natural part of human life. As natural as breathing, eating, sleeping. Teenagers are just as human as any of us -- so why, then, should sex be denied to us based solely upon our age?

True, a lot of our decisions are made spur-of-the-moment. The adolescent brain is still largely developing. As a result, all adolescents are generalized against, morphed into shady, flaky characters who cannot be trusted to think for themselves. Of course, this means that other authoritarian figures should think for us, decide for us.

...Right? Wrong.

Having sex is not a Big Deal. True, it comes with many strings attached. People often use the "teenage pregnancy" argument. The solution for this is simple: educate our children in the practice of safe sex. Condoms and birth control work wonders. Those who preach abstinence fail to realize that, even if they tell their kids not to have sex, the kids shall do it anyway. Since when has telling teenagers not to do something ever worked? As teenagers, we feel a need to grow independent, break away from our parents, to rebel. If we are forbidden to do something, obviously we are going to engage in it.

Sexual intercourse is not bad, evil, or "unpure", as it is often made out to be. It is, in fact, quite the opposite. Sex elevates your mood, induces euphoria, satiates your innate need for it, satisfies your hormones. You are not obligated to have sex with someone you're in love with. You can have sex with whoever you want, wherever you want, whenever you want. Sex and love are not interchangeable. While it is, in fact, a wonderful experience to have sex with someone you are in love with, it shouldn't be restricted to only that.

It all rests upon the individual's choice. The choice you make to have sex or to not have sex, to have sex with someone you love or to have sex with ten different people you like. And there's nothing wrong with either of those options. Most, if not all, humans will have multiple sexual partners in their lifetime. Just because you're in your teenage years doesn't mean you're somehow not entitled to the perks that the rest of humanity is.

Another argument against this is that you should "wait until marriage." That somehow, having sex violates the perceived "sanctity" of marriage. Yes, this is yet another illogical belief fostered by religious motivations. We are supposed to turn against our natural instincts for... what? To be "pure"? Why is abstinence the symbol of "purity"? Furthermore, why should it be? And why should anyone be obligated to adhere to it, just because someone else says so?

Frankly, if you're going to have sex and you're a teenager, I wish you luck. There's nothing wrong with it -- not in the least. All I am advocating is to do it safely: use condoms, always, and birth control, if possible. Make sure that neither you or your partner have any STIs. Make sure that you are comfortable enough with your partner to engage in intercourse. And I can assure you that everything will turn out fine.

The author's comments:
Seeing an article on here about why teen sex is "wrong" made me realize just how many people are misled and uneducated about the realities of teen sex.

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This article has 29 comments.


ambnyc SILVER said...
on Sep. 30 2011 at 3:17 pm
ambnyc SILVER, Rego Park, New York
6 articles 0 photos 133 comments

Favorite Quote:
You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. - Dr. Seuss

Thanks for the input. I didn't mean to give a negative connotation to Christianiy itself, but just to the people who staunchly believe a.bstinence is the way, simply because of their religious upbringing. A.bstinence has proven time and time again to be ineffective, and really, where else do you see it practiced than in a religious connotation?

Personally, I would not have s.ex without an emotional connection. But I will defend the right to have s.ex without an emotional connection, because I believe that humans are s.exual beings and so entitled to gratifying their desires, whatever they may be. I just think there's a stigma around having s.ex in America, especially as a teenager, and I don't think that stigma should exist.


on Aug. 29 2011 at 7:57 pm
Thesilentraven PLATINUM, Mableton, Georgia
40 articles 2 photos 1632 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;il piu nell&#039; uno,&quot; (according to Emerson, an Italian expression for beauty)<br /> <br /> &quot;Unable are the loved to die, for love is immortality&quot; ~Emily Dickinson<br /> <br /> &quot;The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain&quot; <br /> ~Kahlil Gibran

Whoops. Sorry for the double comment. Oh, and I didn't even notice you're the one who wrote 'Body Heat!' Awesome poem, again.

Even though I disagree with you, I respect what you're trying to do. I, as well, think that it's kind of ridiculous what some adults do to censor s.ex out of our minds. It's a natural thing, after all.


on Aug. 29 2011 at 7:54 pm
Thesilentraven PLATINUM, Mableton, Georgia
40 articles 2 photos 1632 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;il piu nell&#039; uno,&quot; (according to Emerson, an Italian expression for beauty)<br /> <br /> &quot;Unable are the loved to die, for love is immortality&quot; ~Emily Dickinson<br /> <br /> &quot;The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain&quot; <br /> ~Kahlil Gibran

I'm ashamed of myself. How could I have been so painfully brief? Let me expand a bit.

on Aug. 29 2011 at 7:53 pm
Thesilentraven PLATINUM, Mableton, Georgia
40 articles 2 photos 1632 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;il piu nell&#039; uno,&quot; (according to Emerson, an Italian expression for beauty)<br /> <br /> &quot;Unable are the loved to die, for love is immortality&quot; ~Emily Dickinson<br /> <br /> &quot;The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain&quot; <br /> ~Kahlil Gibran

I'm ashamed of myself. How could I have been so painfully brief? Let me expand a bit.

First off, just like Savetheplanet said, it's quite a good article; I just find myself disagreeing with it (respectfully, of course! :) One thing I see that irks me a little is how you gave a bit of a negative connotation to religion, the kind of "goody two shoes" reputation teens love to slap onto Christianity. It's a lot deeper than that.

About a year ago; I had pretty much the same opinion as you. My idea was kind of: 'if you wanna have s.ex, man, just go for it. It's your body, do whatever you want with it.' But then I became a Buddhist, and I started to think differently about things. Here, a quote from Thich Nhat Hanh: "passion or excitement contains within it the element of disturbance... we believe in a naive way that having a se.xual relationship will make us feel less lonely." Satisfying hormones is different from "euphoria." Gaining wealth, as well, may make one think of happiness, but is it real happiness? I think that s.exuality is worth so much more when love is there. Mosquitoes have s.ex. But can they love?


on Aug. 29 2011 at 7:52 pm
Thesilentraven PLATINUM, Mableton, Georgia
40 articles 2 photos 1632 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;il piu nell&#039; uno,&quot; (according to Emerson, an Italian expression for beauty)<br /> <br /> &quot;Unable are the loved to die, for love is immortality&quot; ~Emily Dickinson<br /> <br /> &quot;The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain&quot; <br /> ~Kahlil Gibran

I'm ashamed of myself. How could I have been so painfully brief? Let me expand a bit.

First off, just like Savetheplanet said, it's quite a good article; I just find myself disagreeing with it (respectfully, of course! :) One thing I see that irks me a little is how you gave a bit of a negative connotation to religion, the kind of "goody two shoes" reputation teens love to slap onto Christianity. It's a lot deeper than that.

About a year ago; I had pretty much the same opinion as you. My idea was kind of: 'if you wanna have s.ex, man, just go for it. It's your body, do whatever you want with it.' But then I became a Buddhist, and I started to think differently about things. Here, a quote from Thich Nhat Hanh: "passion or excitement contains within it the element of disturbance... we believe in a naive way that having a se.xual relationship will make us feel less lonely." Satisfying hormones is different from "euphoria." Gaining wealth, as well, may make one think of happiness, but is it real happiness? I think that s.exuality is worth so much more when love is there. Mosquitoes have s.ex. But can they love.


ambnyc SILVER said...
on Aug. 29 2011 at 10:03 am
ambnyc SILVER, Rego Park, New York
6 articles 0 photos 133 comments

Favorite Quote:
You know you&#039;re in love when you can&#039;t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. - Dr. Seuss

Thank you for your feedback! As I said to Raven, I don't think you or me can pass judgment on someone else's s.ex life and whether it is 'meaningful' or not. I'm not advocating having s.ex with tons of people for the sake of it- I'm just saying that that's an okay choice to make, and shouldn't have a stigma attached to it. I guess this article encompasses both teen s.ex and s.ex in general. Personally, I would want an emotional connection before having s.ex.

ambnyc SILVER said...
on Aug. 29 2011 at 9:56 am
ambnyc SILVER, Rego Park, New York
6 articles 0 photos 133 comments

Favorite Quote:
You know you&#039;re in love when you can&#039;t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. - Dr. Seuss

I respectfully disagree- it isn't meaningless to the people having it. I don't think any one person is in a position to pass judgment on the s.ex lives of others.

on Aug. 28 2011 at 2:52 pm
savetheplanet PLATINUM, Anaheim, California
45 articles 9 photos 564 comments

Favorite Quote:
It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Honestly, you have a well-written article.  But I can't say I support your ideology.  Perhaps my views come from religion, it's possible.  I don't consider myself the most religious person around so it's possible it's not.  I think that it should be a decision made by the people invovled and I agree, always have safe s.ex.  Bir.th con.trol is something I'm a big supporter of.  But s.ex shouldn't just be pleasure, in my opinion.  You are allowing someone to share something with you, that's so intimate, you shouldn't just hand it out to whoever you may meet.  I'm not saying you have to only have one partner in your entire lifetime.  That would be ideal, but unlikely in today's climate.  Merely, share it with someone who's special to you, someone you love.  Because as Raven said, s.ex just for the pure physical pleasure it brings, is completely meaningless.

on Aug. 28 2011 at 12:22 pm
Thesilentraven PLATINUM, Mableton, Georgia
40 articles 2 photos 1632 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;il piu nell&#039; uno,&quot; (according to Emerson, an Italian expression for beauty)<br /> <br /> &quot;Unable are the loved to die, for love is immortality&quot; ~Emily Dickinson<br /> <br /> &quot;The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain&quot; <br /> ~Kahlil Gibran

S.ex is meaningless without love.