Anxiety Attack

By Sara B., Woodcliff Lake, NJ
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Peacocks somersault in my stomach
Their beaks pecking painfully at my abdomen
One, Two, Three, Four, Five
I count each breath I take

If I don't calm down
My breakfast will come back up
And Dad won't appreciate that
Especially in his new Toyota Camry

Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten
I'm actually hyperventilating
Never should have joked about it
Now I seriously can't breathe

My stomach's not just gurgling
Those sounds have got to be gibberish
Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen
I'm trying but I can't ignore it

Peacocks somersaulting
Beaks pecking
Lungs failing
Make it stop!

This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

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Lola_Black said...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 8:32 pm:

Sweet! I love how you use peacocks instead of butterflies. It actually makes alot more sense. The wording was cool, too! Once I got a glimpse I had to read the rest! Five stars ; )

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bass_rockrgrl13 said...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 11:39 am:

The use of the peacock as a symbol was a really unique touch.

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EdytD said...
Sept. 7, 2009 at 9:24 am:

I think this is really great, and your strong imagery makes the reader be able to picture, and almost feel, the anxiety. I agree w/ Lily B, however, and I think that it sounds a bit prose-like. I liked the way your last paragraph was short ideas, rather than full sentences, and I think that it described the anxiety effectively without using extra words.
Good job!

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Katherine H. said...
Sept. 6, 2009 at 5:30 pm:

My friend would always have panic attacks in class. It was like i was the only one who would notice when something went wrong. and when they did the teachers would not let me help becasue of course they think they know more. but n-e way i loved the way you described this. it really made me understand what is going on when someone is havin a panic attack.

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lovehate29 said...
Sept. 6, 2009 at 4:53 pm:

Wow. This piece is intense. I love it!

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Christian T. said...
Sept. 3, 2009 at 5:34 pm:

OUCH! that sounds painfull. LOL. i know nothing about anxiety attacks. i couldn't get better details from someone else. i learned something new today!

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Lily B. said...
Sept. 3, 2009 at 5:31 pm:

I actually have anxiety attacks myself, and I think this is a very accurate description. However, you might try being descriptive without using full sentences. It's the little phrases that are really powerful.